The Tears of a Clown

My grandfather smelled like Chesterfields and Vicks Vaporub. Who knew one of those smells would endure?


Vaporub? Damn, I better call him. I could teach him how to cry real tears on cue in about 5 mins flat. I’m a good cryer. You have to be careful, though. Go on too long and snot becomes involved. We all respond to a face streaked with tears. But no one much likes to look at ropes of snot landing on the table. Plus, you cannot sing once the snot gets wrapped around the cords.

Hume Cronyn used to be able to blush on cue. It was very impressive. In Gin Game he stopped everything to very slowly bring himself to a crimson blush of rage. The audience saw it happening and had a wonderful time as it developed. It got a round. Canadian whore. But think what Becks could do with it.

But this is very very funny. One wonders: will it hurt his credibility? Hmm. Oh, and excellent opinion piece by David Brooks (OK, you try typing that with a straight face!) about the Klown Kar. Turns out it’s all our fault that these jackasses are running the Republican Partay off the cliff. Because we’re snobs and such as and so forth. I totally buy it.

What a waste of video time (although I’ll admit I turned it off half-way through — maybe his head explodes in the latter half or something).

Chesterfield Kings. Now that is a fucking cigarette.

@FlyingChainSaw: When I was 8, granddad took me to Pimlico – he loved the ponies. Gave me tiny sips of beer and told me, in a voice only a serious smoker could have, “Don’t tell your muddah.” A Baltimore cabdriver … I miss him.

What is that video? Some kind of coprophilla porn? What are they smearing on that piece of shit?

@blogenfreude: Did he give you a Chesterfield to enjoy with the beer? They are the best cigarette to have with a fresh cup of coffee.

As a kid I remember Chesterfields had the GREATEST commercials. Who didn’t want to grow up to be one of these he-men? They also sponsored my favorite TV show, Steve Canyon. My candy cigarettes were always Chesterfields. I guess I have to credit my non-smoking parents’ influence for me never trying a real one.

@FlyingChainSaw: Nope, and they were unfiltered, which probably would have addicted me then and there.

@FlyingChainSaw: In my years of savoring the burnt tobacco leaf, I never tried a Chesterfield. Camel straights, sure. Oh, and “Payasos” in Guatemala, which were forty centavos a pack – at the black market exchange rate that was about a dime.

They were nasty, but really, who wouldn’t smoke at those prices?

@blogenfreude: I miss him too. He sounds like my family in Scotland. (which is why I am not technically ‘English’ despite what loser webmaster-trapped-in-mom’s-basement-gorging-on-Cheetos-while-listening -to Sarah Bightman’s Harem Tour CD would say).

@The Nabisco Quiver are Go!: Best fags I ever smoked in my years of sucking on fags were the fags I sucked on in Belgium. Delicious! 25 to a pack. And so cheap!!!! I was 15. It was a different world. But I still miss those fags. (You get the fag=cigarette joke? Pretty awesome. I am known for my sense of yuma)

DEVELOPING HARD: O. Taitz files motion for recusal, and for extension of time in re sanctions order.

(Would download it myself from Taitz’s website, but I really don’t feel like catching another virus.)

@Benedick: If nojo unleashes the Tom Delay tango video, I’m holding you personally responsible.

My mother smoked Chesterfields. She always said she was saving the coupons for an iron lung.

God I loved the smell when she lit the match.

Too bad I hate her fucking guts.

Glenn Beck? Fucking toad.

@chicago bureau: Well, you can always get it here

Anyone call dibs on a late-night post?

@nojo: Oh God, torts? I like rainbows and unicorns and Benjamin Britten!! I can’t be expected to read like legal wordings. It makes my brain hurt.

@FlyingChainSaw: I miss the days when everyone smoked. The Chesterfield Kings are an OK band, too, by the way.

I gave up beer when I gave up cigarettes, they are inseperable in my mind, the only way to give up one was to give up both.

I took up cigars, and they are just as bad, because I inhale the motherfuckers, and I discovered these baked, dried italian things that taste like the best cgarrette you ever had.

Then I doscovered that cigarrettes are not made of tobacco. They grind up the tobacco, and add tons of other things, and make a brown paper oout of it, shred the paper, and roll it up, it just plain isn’t tobbaco.

Thats why I like these little cigars so much more, they are at least tobacco.

And I have smoked many cigars, all the best, and dammit, the best are cuban, far and away, nothing comes close. Give me a cohiba, a montecristo from cuba, bliss, with a bourbon, a dark rum, a scotch.

My brother-in-law the undertaker/ex-medical examiner staff dude says that Vicks vaporub smeared on your upper lip can block out just about any smell, including rotting bodies. Apparently the rescue crews who go out after earthquakes and other natural disasters do the same, too.

@SanFranLefty: There is an autopsy scene in Silence of the Lambs in which they make a big show of everyone smearing vapo-rub under their nose before they open the body bag.

@SanFranLefty: My nephew was a grave digger for a while, and when they were opening a grave (in NJ they will put the first one very deep, and stack them three deep) they would throw quarts of pine sol around, in the grave, to put down the smell of the older remains. The backhoe would often basically wreck the older coffins while digging, a mess. Fun stuff. Everyone should be cremated.

When I was in college in the early sixties, little free sample packs of cigarettes were handed out in the dorms. One of the brands was Chesterfields. I am really surprised that so many of you speak fondly of them. If I were asked to name the most disgusting brand I ever smoked, Chesterfields would spring to mind at once. (And I am including in my mental review the Russian cigarettes that I bought at the UN.)

@lynnlightfoot: Ever smoke the Chinese cigarettes? Real sawdust and bat shit.

i smoke pot AND ciggs. always teetering by the edge of self destruction, and not looking down.
kurt vonnegut was a dedicated smoker and said “cigarettes are society’s acceptable form of suicide” and before he died, in his 90’s, still puffing away, considered suing a tobacco company because he was still alive. my idolized great aunt smoked a couple packs a day for 85 years, died at 94. and her father, my great grandfather, died with a cigg hanging out of his mouth at 102. other than these examples, i am considered a leper by everyone else. it’s a disgusting, delicious habit.

@The Nabisco Quiver are Go!:@blogenfreude: @Promnight: @karen marie: Chesterfields were just the perfect smoke to have with coffee on a freezing winter’s morning, the aromas as fortifying and wholesome as a campfire, and about as close as you get waiting for a bus or a tram in the twisting winter winds.

@FlyingChainSaw: See my comment on Payasos, above. They were cheap for a reason, but I was young, and bullet proof.
@lynnlightfoot: I bought Dunhills with my UN PX privileges. And cases and cases of Budvar, the best (if not original) Bud.

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