Mmm, Mmm, Good!

Don’t tell anyone, but we have this great reality show we’ll be pitching next year: Who Wants to Be a President? Set to debut in 2011, it consists of all our favorite Republicans, debating each other every week to see who can produce the smelliest dungheap. The winner gets a flaming bag of his or her own shit delivered to the doorstep in November 2012 — and a lucky viewer gets to ring the doorbell!

We’ve been secretly signing up potential participants, and we’re proud to announce that Rick Santorum (R-Frothy Fecal Matter) has joined our cause:

“A lot of people are going to take a look and see wht they can do to try to confront this presidency, which many of us — as you’re seeing from the tea parties and the like — which many of us believe is injurious to America,” Santorum said, saying the 2012 race is “something that I think I would consider.”

It’s going to be a marvelous show, although we haven’t yet settled on a host. Is Kristol available?

Santorum may challenge ‘injurious’ Obama [Politico]

Glenn Beck: too emotionally unstable. G. Gordon Liddy: Will shoot the audience. Dick Cheney: Ditto. Meghan McCain as Vanna White: Too sane to pull this shit. Rush Limbaugh: Too busy masturbating to pictures of Ronald Reagan. Other suggestions?

PS: I have to write a paper about Friedman’s The World is Flat, and I have to “define globalization” based on this, argue with him, whatever. The prof. was not clear. Any suggestions that don’t use the word “asshole” in the paper?

@rptrcub: A professor is making you read that dreck? Sorry. Does that mean you have to read the book?


I feel for you cubby. I knew a guy who insisted I read that book. I did, at the bookstore, and instantly regretted reading the 10 pages or so.

@rptrcub: Meghan’s reaching (reached?) Representative age, isn’t she?

@SanFranLefty: I read it of my own choosing, unfortunately, in order to actually make coherent arguments. I regret the time I wasted and the fact that I had to sit through the video lecture Fried gave at MIT. At least I finished the damn book.

@ManchuCandidate: I refused to pay for it — that, my friends, is why libraries exist. In order not to give further royalties to douchesacks.

@mellbell: I wonder if she’s all mavericky like her pop. At least on gay marriage, she is.

@ManchuCandidate: “The foul-smelling, cheeselike, sebacious secretion that collects under the foreskin and around the clitoris.” I memorized the definition in college and I have never forgotten, though I do not know my dogs’ names nor Mrs. Prom’s birthday.

Little Ricky might have trouble taking Massachusetts:

Specifically, here’s what Santorum wrote about the church pedophile scandal on a religious website called Catholic Online. ”When the culture is sick, every element in it becomes infected. While it is no excuse for this scandal, it is no surprise that Boston, a seat of academic, political, and cultural liberalism in America, lies at the center of the storm.”

Oh, Santorum would bring four times the Tancredo Crazy, that would be awesomes! Imagine Ricky, Palin and Jindal in a debate with any other collection of Rethugs you can project for 2012.

@The Nabisco Quiver are Go!: And Cheney. Imagine him leading the ticket with Rickface as VP.

@The Nabisco Quiver are Go!: A friend stuck in Mississippi thinks Haley may go after the nomination. Mint juleps all round!

@blogenfreude: Yes, of course, Harvard made Father Geoghan rape little kids.

@The Nabisco Quiver are Go!: Don’t forget Michele Bachman – she said that she’s going to run if Jesus calls her to it.

@SanFranLefty: Santorum/Bachmann? Bachmann/Santorum? Cheney/Bachmann? Bachmann/Cheney?

@FlyingChainSaw: Oh, totes Palin/Bachmann. Vote crazy-eyes in 2012!

@IanJ: Oh, yes, I can see them on the platform at the RNC, shrieking for the rapture and then turning to eat the other’s face.

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