Go Fuck Yourself, Dick

The Hague calling.

As of 8:47 a.m. Eastern, Barack Obama will have kept us safe longer than George W. Bush and Dick Cheney.

Cheney: ‘I’m Very Proud of What We Did’ [WaPo, August 30]

All the Vice President’s Men [Stinque]

Update: The Onion reminds us not to pleasure ourselves today…

[ Onion Flash video not available. ]

LOL, funny thing, NOJO: yesterday I was considering posting this exact same thought.

That’s my FB status for today, w/full credit to the Hamster King.

You know, that terrorist muslin preszdint of ours ain’t even bothering to go to Ground Zero!!!1!1! Instead, he’s going to some large building called the “Pentagon” which got less teevee coverage and no one in middle America seems to remember.

Who did they send to Pennsylvania, since they dispatched the veep to New York?

Also, this is from the U.S. Department of Things To Make You Feel Old.

Yup. As I type this, 13 minutes longer than Dicky.

I know it’s a repeat, but appropriate for Dick Cheney

Sympathy for the Dicky
Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and waste
I’ve been around for a long, long year
Stole two elections and their faith
And I was round when Al Gore
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Scalia
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
I stuck around Washington
When I saw it was a time for a change
Let Enron brown out California
Tom Daschele screamed in vain
I rode a tank
Wore a pretend generals rank
When Iraqi Freedom raged
And the bodies stank
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
I watched with glee
While your Main Stream Media
Fought for two decades
Over stupid labels they made
I shouted out,
Who hiked up oil prices?
When after all
It was just old me
Let me please introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and waste
And I laid traps for ambassadors
Who get leaked before they reached Niger
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But whats confusing you
Is just the nature of my game
Just as every Dem is a criminal
And all Republicans saints
As war is peace
Just call me Cheney
cause I don’t need of some restraint
So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some fresh human blood, and some babies
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or Ill shoot you in your face, um yeah
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, um mean it, get down
Woo, who
Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah
Oh yeah!
Tell me baby, whats my name
Tell me honey, can ya guess my name
Tell me baby, whats my name
I tell you one time, you’re to blame

Post updated: It’s the Onion’s world, we just live in it.

@Prommie: Yes. And Easter is Double-Masturbation Day.

@nojo: I’ve given it up for middle age, anyway.

And in other breaking news, London celebrates its 94th anniversary of the blitz and will designate all land east of Tilbury as being sacred; also Dresden has cordoned off a 15 mile corridor that can never be built on for fear of angering the sleeping spirits; Tokyo, on the other hand, has built an entire red-light district on its once smoking acres; not to be outdone, Berlin will build nothing on the miles and miles of rubble for fear of including bits of sacred flesh. And don’t forget Poland.

Re: Onion

It was too late for me by 7:00 am–I couldn’t stop myself. Srry!!

@Benedick: Its embarrassing, isn’t it? We should have embarked on an all-out project to rebuild them exactly as they were except twice as high, and I don’t care if noone ever rented a square foot.

That is the snappiest, sassiest, most awesomely bitchiest statistic EVER.

Is anyone going to be covering the 9/12 clusterfuck in DC? I can’t, my parents are having a spaghetti reunion. Don’t ask.

@RomeGirl: Covering it with what? Shit, I hope.

@RomeGirl: @Just Jamie: My Paultard/libertarian cousin is going to the one in DC. I have been out of the loop so had not heard about the 9/12 project, so all day I have been teasing her on Facebook to tell Michelle that her dress for the healthcare speech didn’t work for me. However, after looking at these articles and the 9/12 website, I just went back and told her that I think if she buys this shit she is even more an idiot that I had thought.

@Just Jamie: Excellent link.

BTW, Cynica arrived safely at LAX last night. She is even younger-looking and more glamorous than her photo would suggest. She is now down the street from me at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium, hawking rare books to wealthy collectors.

@RomeGirl: I may go for part of the rally. If so, look for pictures here.

@Dodgerblue: Have a fabulous Ell-Aay Stinque-up. Hope the skies have cleared.

@mellbell: Stay safe, darlin!

I honored the day not by masturbating but by leaving a job I took because I wanted to help stop another Katrina clusterfuck. It was a nice day, people were genuinely nice to me – and gave me a $100 metro card as a parting gift!

@mellbell: I’m down in MD later today to sign a lease, but with my little biscuits so we’ll see if we hop the metro and see the crazees. If we make it in I’ll give you a holler, although the weather looks lousy.

@The Nabisco Quiver are Go!: Digits are on facebook if you don’t already have them.

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