Posts We’re Too Frightened to Read

Tweet! Tweet! Tweet! Tweet! Tweet!Think Progress, Wednesday, 8:45 p.m.:

A comprehensive analysis of Palin’s last two months of Twitter updates (May 26-July 26) reveals…

Please. We beg you. Before you hurt yourself, or those around you. For the love of humanity, of furry critters, of bad DVDs with your loved ones, of flat orange soda, of three-ply toilet paper, of cold pizza, of satellite rugby, of Mingus and Dolphy, of all that is holy in the world and incapable of mortal debasement:

Get help.

A Statistical Analysis Of Policy Trends And Abnormalities In Sarah Palin’s Tweets [Think Progress]

It occurred to me last night that Palin making it into the primaries in 2012 would be the most awesome thing in the world. Remember how Hilary and her minions dragged the democratic race out until the fat lady had not only sung but she had gargled, changed into her street clothes and headed off to Morton’s? They eventually gave up, not following through with threats to torpedo the Obamanaut.

The Sarah Faithful would never give up, and that is a beautiful thing.

Be like analyzing static. Isn’t there something better they can do like studying naval lint?

@SanFran Hussein Lefty: Thugs beating mourners … nothing changes. Sigh.

DEVELOPINGISH: Boston cops are still racist, notwithstanding the funniest lede I’ve read all week — from CNN:

A Boston police officer who sent a mass e-mail referring to Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. as a “banana-eating jungle monkey” has apologized, saying he’s not a racist.

The heartfelt attorney-drafted statement — translated into Pig Bostonese for your enjoyment by yours truly: “I regraht that I used such woahds. I ave so many friends of every type of cultuah and rahce you can nahme. I am naught a rahcist.”


HASTILY ADDED: Some Boston cops are racists. SOME, I SAID! NOT ALL! SOME! Sorry sorry don’t hit me.

P.S.: Some Masshole pol is going off on Black Eagle for swilling Bud Light. Issue for him is that Bud Light is owned by InBev now, and not because Bud Light is watered-down crap.

@chicago bureau: My watered-down crap of choice is Miller Lite, which extensive field research has shown to be far superior to Bud Light, Coors Light, and Michelob Ultra (though I draw the line at MGD 64).

If you can’t fire this clown for being a skinhead, BPD should be able to drop him for being mentally disabled. The letter is a bizarre mix of self-pity, raving narcissism and deranged worldview. They should just leave him a parking lot alone with a few dozen black cops equipped with riot batons and pepper spray.

In fact, he did refer to the professor as a jungle money in the very last line of his letter to the reporter – proposing a headline that references not Mr Gates but the ‘jungle monkey’.

@chicago bureau:

@FlyingChainSaw: In a recent PBS special on DNA and the geneology of some prominent African-Americans, it turned out that Prof. Gates is Ashkenazi Jewish on his mother’s side. This prompted a funny op-ed in the LA Times titled “Welcome To The Tribe.” So, Gates, per the Boston PD, is more accurately referred to as a Hymie Jungle Monkey.

tj/ Stinque Indian law hottie Arizona US Atty Diane Humetewa gets the heave ho from tha Eagle for a hack from Janet’s ofc. Booo … hissssss.

also, profile on the killer of Bresina Flores


The email – just wow. I’d think that even if the department could overlook the “jungle monkey” bits, that statements like, “assuming he has rights when considered a suspect. His is a suspect and will always be a suspect” would cause some trouble. I’m also pretty sure that pepper-spraying people because they don’t immediately obey every command is veering dangerously close to excessive force.

@FlyingChainSaw: I love how the sentence following his statement that he’s a former English teacher has a subject and verb that don’t agree, the first of many grammatical and spelling errors. And this is why our childrens isn’t learnin’.
@Dodgerblue: Accuracy in one’s racial slurs is so important.

Exactly. Given what he said here, Barrett believes a cop is entitled to kick anyone to death the moment they don’t obey fast enough to please the cop. He didn’t write, however, that people needed to be able to read a cop’s mind and submit the moment a command entered the cop’s mind, so his lawyers can argue that since he hasn’t crossed the line into abject delusional megalomania, he’s good to go another 18 years carrying a gun and finally collect a life pension on the government books.


@chicago bureau:

Wow, you can’t be serious. This guy kept his job?

@al2o3cr: @FlyingChainSaw:

There’s SOOOO much to love in that letter. Did you catch the bit where he calls the reporter a “hot little bird” who “Should be serving me coffee and doughnuts”?


@Mistress Cynica: Oh, yeah, the condescension of the incompetent, always a hoot. I am hoping his melanin-enhanced colleagues will take him to a lonely industrial park somewhere and pull his arms from his body so they can enjoy beating him to death with the wet ends.

@Tommmcatt Floats: Oh, yes, the union will fight to the end. He will likely get back pay from his suspension, quietly, with interest.

@Tommmcatt Floats: The donut service was a strange reference, almost self-parody. Once he is down on the cement with his arms detached, the melanin-enhanced BPD vigilantes who bring justice to this twisted freak should allow him to live long enough to stuff warm crullers down his gullet with a night stick. While he is gagging on his last breaths, a writer like him, with his superior literary sensibility, will enjoy the oral rape references, no doubt.

@FlyingChainSaw: Just like the MLB or NFL players union would. BTW, training camps are open. Preseason kicks off Aug. 9 and then for reals on Aug. 13. Looks like another .500 year for my Broncos. Yay.

/ looking forward to spending more weekends fishing, hunting, shooting, hiking and cutting firewood than watching sport on the tube this fall

@chicago bureau: I’m going to rant for a bit. When we have talking heads that care more about the type of beer that Barry, Gates & arresting officer will drink than the actual issue of racial profiling itself, I want to cockpunch myself so that I can get over the massive headache/stroke that I start to have when I watch teh news.

On a positive note, though, NBC Nightly News last night was able to successfully tie the Gatesgate to racism and to the birther movement, melding Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh into the long-for-TV-news segment.

/end rant.

@rptrcub: Throw in the still relentless obsession with Michael Jackson (who was walking racial tension when alive) and cockpunching will not suffice to rid you of that headache.

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