Darlene Ensign and Senator John EnsignJosh finds a very interesting detail regarding the Ensign-Fucks-a-Staffer scandal – this happened when Coburn and the other snakehandlers made him write to Cindy and break off the relationship:

So Ensign agrees to do this. But the members of his fellowship had so little trust he could follow through that they had him write out a letter to the mistress that he was ending the relationship and then drove him to the local Fedex office to make sure he actually dropped the letter in the box. So he does that. But then after he shakes them loose he calls the mistress to tell her his friends made him write the letter and to ignore it.

Guess they didn’t trust him to keep his promise.

In case you didn’t guess, I am really really really enjoying this.

Ensign’s Weirdest Moment [TPM]

This story makes me want to take off all my clothes and run about the garden. It is that good.

@Benedick: If your bail is under a grand, I can swing it.

On mornings when I’m driving to the Stinque Coffeehouse, I pass by a church called “The Fellowship of San Diego”. And every time, without fail, I imagine Hobbits inside.

Is it wrong that I find Ensign kinda hot? I hope I look like that at his age…

More than that: this is turning into a first-year contracts question.

Senator Blackacre enters into an agreement with the Greenacre Men’s Religious Society to breach an agreement with Mistress Whiteacre through a letter sent to Ms. Whiteacre by courier. GMRS officials observe the letter being placed for delivery with the courier. Senator Blackacre contacts Ms. Whiteacre before the courier delivers the letter, and revokes the letter.

What breaches have been committed (if any), and to whom? What damages are caused, if any? Does Whiteacre have a claim under quantum meruit for further perstorking by and from Blackacre?

@Tommmcatt Floats:

Allow me to be the first to say that I’ll be happy to fuck the leathery, Brolinesque ol’ bastard for $100Gs.

Goodbye Wells Fargo Home Mortgage!

@blogenfreude: No one can see in. I go outside in all kinds of undress. Besides, it’s a hot day.

@Tommmcatt Floats: He has presidential hair. And Baptist lips. But he looks like he spends a good part of his working day on a treadmill. I would guess boxer briefs. For the support.

@chicago bureau: Oh dear Christ, now I’m confused again.

Is that a photo of his wife or his mistress? I can’t tell them apart.

@Mistress Cynica: She’s got some muscle tone. I like that.

@Mistress Cynica: Since there is product placement behind them I’m guessing wife.

@Benedick: Very acute observation. Prob the Mandalay Bay hotel in Vegas, where what goes into his wife, doesn’t stay there.

What happens when Ensign is near a pet store and, you know, doesn’t have 50 guys around shouting scripture prohibiting people from buggering animals?

@Benedick: You think he uses them for rectal dildos or he fucks them in the ass?

FlyingChainSaw: I go about figuring out the equities of breaching contracts with thumpers, and with the pestorkee. You go straight for the bestiality-with-wiener-dogs route.

Ying, yang. Tomato, tomahto. Kinda why I love this blog. Cheers!

@FlyingChainSaw: Darling, please. I have a sleeping dachshund in my lap. He has spent a busy day shrieking at various assorted wildfowl/bunnies/utility meter readers/mowers and is now worn out. Do not make me imagine my happy wiry boy with some Republican erecto-dick probing his innards.

@chicago bureau: Oh, I can appreciate the tortious aspects but those are less likely to cause Ensign excruciating emotional pain and humiliation than a good photograph of him with a Chihuahua sticking out of his asshole.

@chicago bureau: Mailbox rule on the dumping of the girlfriend, but the whole thing violates the Rule Against Perpetuities.

@chicago bureau: Is that a pitch for Tarantino’s courtroom drama?

@Benedick: OK, so you’re pretty sure Ensign would prefer using Dachshunds as rectal dildos. Check.

that made me think of my habit of thinking of charlie bucket every single time i eat chocolate. without fail. every time.
i feel like i just confessed at AA. how weird is that?

Ensign bunks, in DC, in this fundie frathouse that some fundie organization keeps, and allows fundie congresspeople to live in. Coburn and the others live there too.

Its so bizarre, this is our first peek into the goings on in that bizarre place. They made him write a breakup letter, went with him to watch him mail it, and then he ran to a phone to tell her that they made him do it, disregard it? Thats the most insane thing I ever heard of.

And now, whats the other Senator, who made him write the letter, he is claiming priest-penitent-doctor-patient privillege, because he is a deacon or some such shit, before anyone even asked him to testify, its incredible.

These are bizarre and strange people, living in this strange fundamentalist frathouse, someone needs to get into that angle, what is this place?

@Promnight: Oh, they didn’t report on the part about the gravy and the puppy.

We still need the Ark. Half this country is batshit insane.

@Promnight: What strikes me is how high school all this stuff is–Ensign with his “peer pressure” and bailouts by his parents, Sanford with his gushy Romeo and Juliet crap. Are they on Gossip Girl? Who acts that way after 10th grade?

@Mistress Cynica: Oh, its kinda sweet, in a way, the depth of their infatuation, I mean, to feel that again, adolescent love and infatuation, but to be so publicly stupid about it, thats whats so absurd.

My brain hurts, everything hurts, my soul hurts, its all so sad.

In the end, we are all just confused souls muddling through, as best we can, these are quite human failings, human, failing, thats almost redundant.

Its all very gratifying to make fun and feel superior, but in the end, noone is superior, all have flaws, most people in this earth avoid sin only from lack of opportunity.

My brain hurts, I am tired, in my soul, not even from all the evil in the world, but from pretending that I am any better than any of those I make fun of and deride. I truly suck, I am as bad as these men, easily, every day.

What the C Street house needs is a hot tub. And lots of cameras.

@nojo: I say we send over a limo full of Thai hookers, both sexes, and see how many promises get kept.

These, folks, are our senators and representatives – well, some of them anyway, and not the saving remnant!

@Dodgerblue: Are you kidding? Apparently these guys are cackling satyrs, pestorking their spouses to exhaustion then running out into the street in search of any release at all, hookers, random people, best friends’ spouses, neighbors’ pets all the while barking tenets of the faith and espousing the virtues of family values until, as always happens, they are found skewering some poor Dachshund’s bowels and holding him aloft by his ears. All that would be left of a limo full of Thai hookers is a wet, bloody stain.

@Dodgerblue: That’ a joke, right? You know how I worry about teh kittehz.

@Dodgerblue: No doubt kidnapped by an insane bestial GOP legislator. Assume the worst.

@Mistress Cynica: Regrettably, no. She was very old and may have gone off to die. If she has, that would be the end of all the various cats we had when my kids were little, including my favorite, Mo, an all-white cat I named after Moses Malone, the hardest-working man in pro basketball. Mo was a prince of a cat — very sweet, never started fights, never backed down from one. We had some great naps together.

@FlyingChainSaw: We have a whole circus full of them up in Sacramento. I dare you to ask SFL what she thinks of them.

@Dodgerblue: Oh nooooooessss!! I just hope there’s not a wayward coyote that nabbed kitteh. Poor little girl. I will whip out the St. Francis candle – she shouldn’t die alone.

@Benedick: EVERYTHING makes me want to take off my clothes and run around my garden. No, that was wrong, run around my thicket.

@FlyingChainSaw: I think you are wrong, at least about the rare hetero rightwingers. I think they only have sex with their wives to procreate, and when they fall into these infatuations, they are miserable at it, 3-pump chumps, and then, after their pathetic little orgasm, they burst into tears and start blubbering tearful remonstrances about how wrong it was, and then of course, they come back 3 days later for some more conflicted, miserable, tearful sex.

Now your wide-stancer closeted types, they probably pestork savagely, preferring blood as their favorite lube, and then they eat their lovers after sex as a rule, like a preying mantis.

please let us know about kitteh…that just wiped the cackle off my face from listening to michelle bachmann say “she’s HOT for jesus”
miss herculean vagina is less freaky.

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