Don’t Look At It, No Matter What Happens!

Blow it back to God.

In two hours, Geraldo Rivera Abuna Pauolos, patriarch of the Orthodox Church of Ethiopia, will reveal the location of the Ark of the Covenant, fabled container of Steven Spielberg’s bank account the Ten Commandments.

The Ark has been stored in a nondescript government warehouse Ethiopia for millennia, says Pauolos. Many duplicates were made to milk the franchise protect the secret location of the real Ark, but now a museum is being built to suck tourist dollars from the gullible display the holy treasure.

Nothing good can come of this. Least of all, another Raiders sequel.

Update: The Patiarch Vanishes.

‘Ark of the Covenant’ about to be unveiled? [WorldNetDaily]
29 Comments

Well, technically it’d be another Last Crusade sequel.

It’s more Rejects of the Lost Ark.

What is the next thing that WND is going to claim is going to be found?

Moses’ beard?
Mary Magdalen?
Jimmy Hoffa?

Benedick: The ingredients in Col. Sanders’s secret seasoning. Besides salt, I mean.

@chicago bureau:
And pepper, papprika, basil, oregano, parsley and garlic, but yeah mostly salt.

Passage of the clean energy bill will be as tragic as Michael Jackson’s death, sez Rep. Rob Bishop (R-MormoniLand)

@SanFranLefty: This one neither makes my head asplode nor gives me a headache. I’m too numb from an overdose of teh Stupid.

@SanFranLefty: I was thinking of him for Douchebag of the Day, but it’s early, and I’ve yet to peruse WaPo’s opinion page, the Oracle of Stupid.

I’m the Ark of the covenant and so’s my wife!

TJ/ I’m stealing this from the W, but it is the first of its type, I think:

So Farrah Fawcett gets to the pearly gates and St. Peter says “Farrah! So good to see you! You’ve been so generally awesome in life that before you move on to heaven you get one wish- anything you want!”

Farah pauses, thinks a minute, and says “I’d like to be sure the children are safe…”

It needs a little work…what do you think?

SFL and anyone else working in downtowns: are y’all experiencing MJ music at full blast from a nearby square or park?

We are apparently having a mass Thriller dance tonight at Centennial Olympic Park too. I respectfully decline the Facebook invite for that one.

@rptrcub: We’re hoping that those involved in local gang-related activity will choose to spontaneously break out into choreographed singing and dancing.

@rptrcub: I know a couple of people who have participated in mass Thriller re-enactments in the past. They and the audience seemed to enjoy it. Buncha zombies congregate on a public square, shambling in and lying down until the music starts. You can easily find video of it on YouTube.

Is it bad that I like Sarah Palin just a teensy weensy itty bitty little bit after reading this?

@mellbell: Yeah, that’s a decent line. But Kosovo? Boy, those Alaska guard folks are a buncha pussies. The worst thing that will happen to themthere is to get cigarette smoke blown in their face.

ADD: Pennsyltucky boys and girls are fronting the Stryker brigade in two active shooting wars. How’s their weekend going, Governor?

@Tommmcatt doesn’t mind if he doesn’t make the scene: It’s a tired line (nearly 2,000 Google hits for “john kerry” “why the long face” -palin), but he’s a blowhard, and it’s nice to see him taken down a notch from time to time, especially given how lame his joke at her expense was.

@mellbell: Yes. Republicans are evil. That being said, fuck John Kerry.

It just occurred to me that I don’t have a Kerry/Edwards sign in the garage on the wall with all my other political memorabilia and outdoors posters (and a Metallica “Alcoholica” poster).

@rptrcub: No, just the monthly SF clusterfuck known as Critical Mass.

@mellbell: Old joke.

@redmanlaw: I have a Pro-Choice Pro-Kerry sign, signed by the man himself, in the trunk of my car. It’s been in there since 2004.

@redmanlaw: Wish I had kept my “Angela Davis Is Welcome Here” poster.

@redmanlaw: One of the best things I’ve ever seen on a car bumper: stickers for various Democratic tickets (Obama/Biden, Kerry/Edwards, Clinton/Gore), plus one for Gore, with Lieberman excised.

@SanFranLefty: Of course, but she probably nailed the delivery, at least. Man can’t tell a joke to save his life.

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