Golf Claps, Everyone!

well played, sir!Most people who decide to carry on an illicit affair would, naturally, want to have an adequate and somewhat reliable cover story.  Being discreet is a given under such circumstances. You know — cheap motel, stolen moments in an office park somewhere, and all under the helpful pretense of “work-related travel.” 

But not for Mark Sanford.  Oh no.  Dude set up a tryst in South America.  He did use a cover of wanting to get away from it all for a few days, every so often.  But not telling command and control in the state you run?  Excellent! 

A stellar achievement, Governor.  We salute you!


*clap, clap*

ADD: extra diaper for believing “Maria” when she said this: “he is a very nice guy, great heart … but unfortunately I am not in love with him … You are my love … something hard to believe even for myself as it’s also a kind of impossible love”

Maria Mario.

We all know it’s true.

Looking forward to the live dramatizations on the Rachel Maddow theater on the air.

This has been a welcome distraction from today’s news that California will start issuing IOUs on July 2 for the second time since the Great Depression.

Oh the real email gold is :

“the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself)”

Beautiful! Just vague enough to fuel all sorts of tranny speculation, which two parts????

@SanFranLefty: We all knew the Demo budget was DOA. And the Repubs know the Demos will fold under budget pressure. Ugh.

Meanwhile, Family Research Council removes Sanford’s picture from Values Voters Summit website. Looks like he’ll miss the fascinating session, “MARRIAGE: WHY IT’S WORTH DEFENDING AND HOW REDEFINING IT THREATENS RELIGIOUS LIBERTY”.

Add session details:

Redefining marriage poses serious threats to the religious liberties of people who continue to believe that marriage is a relationship between a man and a woman. This understanding of marriage is an important religious belief for many Americans, but the freedom to express it will come under growing pressure as courts, public officials, and private institutions come to regard the traditional understanding of marriage as a form of irrational prejudice that should be purged from public life. This briefing will focus on policy and legal developments, as well as how to communicate the link between marriage and religious liberty.


Welcome to the Memory Hole, Marky, you’re now an unperson.

@nojo: Wait, Gary Sinise? Okay, I don’t watch the CSI franchise, but I liked him in Apollo 13.

But my god – is that the best picture they could find of Philis Schlafly (and I don’t care if I misspelled her name)? She looks worse than I expected, and I seriously thought she was dead.

So yesterday’s line was, “If this cover story is this absurd, the real story must be a doozy.”

For once, the conventional wisdom wins.

And, of course, Sanford was once all too happy to tell Bubba and Bob Livingston where they could step off:

“The bottom line, though, is I am sure there will be a lot of legalistic explanations pointing out that the president lied under oath. [Livingston’s] situation was not under oath. The bottom line, though, is he still lied. He lied under a different oath, and that is the oath to his wife. So it’s got to be taken very, very seriously.”

December 1998. Dude likes his bottom lines.

Carrie Prejean?

I guess they needed to inflate their numbers.

Countdown tag: “Sanford and Sin.”

Hey! Leave something for Stewart!

Gary Sinese?!! Gary fucking motherfucking Sinese???!!!!!!!! That fucking asswipe. He’s Steppenwolf. He’s supposed to know better. He was Tom Joad in that thrilling stage adaptation of Grapes of Wrath. I haven’t been so shocked in about… 15 mins. It has cast a chill on what has been a nigh-perfect day as the governor of SC entered history with his pants round his ankles and his head up his ass.

I got my union to sign on to the marriage equality (today’s euphemism) drive in NY state. Can you imagine? Actors’ Equity and they weren’t involved? I know.

But still…. Gary Sinese???????????? Is he crazy? Does he not know what this will do to his reputation?

He’s one of the staunchest Cons in Hollywood. A young Ronnie Raygun.

When I found out Lt. Dan was a con, I haz sad, too.


Dear Gary,

You’ve fucked with the wrong bitch, bitch.


Jesus-Christ-My-God-In-Heaven what is wrong with people? Schwarzenegger should be run out of town on a rail.

So South Carolinians financed his Buenos Aires booty call.

Wasn’t this the guy who railed against government spending by bringing piglets into the state house?!?

@ManchuCandidate: I had no idea.

@Original Andrew: I think you hit the nail on the head.

My favoritist quote in some time: “I let them down by creating a fiction with regard to where I was going,” Sanford said. “I said that was the original possibility. Again, this is my fault in … shrouding this larger trip.”

Heh, heh, heh. Guess who was the millionaire in the Sanford marriage? Not Marky Mark.

VP at Lazard Freres was one thing, but who knew she was the heiress to the Skil Corp.?

@SanFranLefty: A woman with power tools? OMFSM … if only she wasn’t a Jesus freak. I’d have EVERY DRILL BIT THERE IS!!!1!!1!

“I believe Mark has earned a chance to resurrect our marriage,” she said.

Translation: I have him and his career by the balls now. He will pay.

@Jamie Sommers: I.LOVE.IT. So glad to not have a Dina/Slida/Wendy/Foot-tapper wife moment.

Apropos of nothing, Fucking LSU Tigers.

@Jamie Sommers: Oh yes, this is not about resurrecting anything, this is about bringing him back solely for the purpose of some proper punishment before pushing him out the door. He’s going to be slung up and slowly roasted.

@SanFranLefty: I agree. I read over on TPM (i think) someone calling her a passive-aggressive master. She probably figured out where he was but wasn’t about to cover for his sorry ass. By making the remarks she did, she simply added fuel to the fire and contributed significantly to his eventual outing.

Well played, Jenny! I salute you.

Even if the Argentinian paramour really is a woman, this is gaining serious diaper points as one of the most prominent pussy meltdowns of a public figure that I can remember. Dude went on a full-blown pussy meltdown, this is a rare thing, a dude at the governor level, sure, they get caught with a whore, like Spitzer, every now and then, they get caught dipping in the company ink, like Clinton, but this? A Governor, driven so crazy by some internet jackoff sessions, that he slips his security and flies to Argentina for a week, only to get blown off?

Forget the public and political implications, this is an episode of serious pussy madness, of such utter epic fail at simply surviving your own life, it will go down in the annals of hilarious fuck-up forever.

omg, I just heard the part of his speech where he talked about a conversation he had a couple of weeks ago with his father-in-law about “where his heart is”. He done confessed to Jenny’s dad. How much you wanna bet the threat of being cut off from Jenny’s family money (and possibly his testicles) was what made him decide to break up – for six days – with the Argentinian?

It also goes a very long way to explain why the Repugs foamed at the mouth in utter rage about Clinton.

In retrospect Bill has better control of his peen/baser instincts than folks like Sanford.

@Jamie Sommers:

I doubt any father is going to cut his son-in-law any slack in the cheating department.

@ManchuCandidate: Yeah, what the hell, “hey, dude, I got this Argentinian hottie on the side, you know how it is, us men, we have our needs, will you help me out, run some interference with your daughter? You ain’t gonna cut me out of the inheritance over this little thing, are you?” I tells you, he had the pussy madness.

Should I note, for the women reading this, I am not in any way denigrating women with this phenomenon I am describing, the “pussy madness.” There is a primeval power in the pussy, its a good thing, men and women are attracted to each other, the dick, the pussy, each side can go into a crazy over it, at times.

And the straightlaced family values kinda guy is probably more susceptible, its like, they hold themselves to such a high standard, when they fall, they figure, all bets are off, fuck it, and they go crazy.

This dude went into full complete pussy madness. I mean, a typical example would be ditching work for a day, claiming to be playing golf, taking that kind of risk. But ditching your security detail when you are head of state of a US state? Flying to Argentina while telling the staff you are hiking the AT? Thats the deepest depths of madness, pussy madness.

You gals need to be careful with that thing, you see what it can do to a man, some men, anyway?

@Jamie Sommers: You weren’t able to listen to the press conference live? I beg you to go back to the liveblogging thread and replay his remarks. Really, add your snarky comments and we’ll come respond.

@Promnight: As the comedian on Keiff Oh said, it is so obvious this is the first time that Mark has cheated because “third graders have better lines and better moves than he did.” So on one level you almost want to give him a little more slack for rookie mistakes than you would for a serial asshole like Vitter, Clinton, or Gingrich. OTOH, homeboy really should have invested in a Skype account and whispered the sweet nothings to Maria/o instead of putting them down in email.

ADD: I’ll bet donuts to dollars that Jenny Jenny was the one who leaked the emails to The State.

@ManchuCandidate: Not to mention Jenny’s daddy probably has access to a wide selection of power slicers and saws courtesy of Skil Corp.

Pussy Madness?

Was she the one that helped James Bond fly the Space Shuttle?

@SanFranLefty: No, I’m trying to keep interweb surfing to a minimum at work now. I can’t find a link to the entire presser. Anyway, if there was anything else there like “the self of self is indeed self,” that tool is gonna give me a migraine.

@SanFranLefty: More importantly, he has access to a bunch of people expertly skilled in how to use those tools. (Cuz you know he wouldn’t do the deed himself)

@SanFranLefty: This was my thought when I saw your post about where her $$ came from. She’s gonna take a SkilSaw to his nuts.

@Original Andrew: No, she was the one that helped him break into Fort Knox with the squid. Or something. Such as.

@Jamie Sommers: You want the video sister, I haz the video.

Or just read our blow-by-blow and you’ll get the gist.

@Dodgerblue: As well she should. I will think of Jenny every time I use Mr. SFL’s SkilSaw to cut wood dowels to prop up our tomatoes. And BTW, you never answered my question about Sanford’s anti-clean air position with Maria.

@SanFranLefty: Oops. I was distracted by having a fighting chance of beating you at Wordscraper. If this bozo thinks that a diesel engine on a piece of heavy equipment hums, he’s been listening to too much loud tango music. And diesel particulates, which most “non-road” diesel engines spew profusely, are potent carcinogens. Possibly Jenny will tell him to go suck some ‘stack.

Damn. Go away from the computer for a couple of hours and all hell breaks loose. E-mails that would be embarrassing from a lovestruck teen! (which, as SFL says, Jenny totally leaked) And a rockin’ press release from the woman who has his ball in a vice grip manufactured by her daddy’s company! My favorite part:

I will continue to pour my energy into raising our sons to be honorable young men. I remain willing to forgive Mark completely for his indiscretions and to welcome him back, in time, if he continues to work toward reconciliation with a true spirit of humility and repentance.

Translation: “You’re gonna wish you were dead long before I get through with you, pal. PS: Your sons hate you and always will.”

@SanFranLefty: Gee-zeus, that took forever. I’ll bet he was either intoxicated or in some weird manic phase during this thing and he won’t remember most of it tomorrow.
This guy is unstable. I almost feel sorry for him.
OK. I’m over that now.

This article names the mistress but my Spanish is for shit so I can’t figure out much of anything else. Can someone translate?

@Mistress Cynica: I will continue to pour my energy into raising our sons to be honorable young men.

Yeah, good luck with that sister!

I sincerely hope she is shopping for some serious toys at Madame S.

@Jamie Sommers: Apparently the mistress is a fortysomething and a denizen of the Palermo district, which means she’s a shoe designer or architect or high-class barrista, something like that. At least the Guv’ner isn’t diddling pre-teen sudamericano hijas.

I say props to Marky Ess for adulterating internationally in a stylish manner.

This whole episode is a postmodern thing of beauty. What was Sanford’s sin? He went off the grid. I demand an existential ballet to commemorate it.

@nojo: I imagine his staff was apoplectic at the the very thought the Guv’ner wasn’t available for texting.

@Pedonator: Not as apoplectic as when they realize they’ll all have to start looking for jobs.

One thing I don’t get: he wants to spend time to reconcile with the fambly, and apparently Jenny has known about his dalliance for quite some time. So he flies south for a few days, to where his illicit love lies waiting…?

Did he parley with Jenny for one last sudamerican fling? He’s all about making it up now, so what was this lost weekend about other than a last roll in the hay with his Argentine mistress?

@nojo: They need not worry, jobs in Washington are all about failing up.

@Pedonator: so what was this lost weekend about other than a last roll in the hay with his Argentine mistress?

Maria: But what about us?

Mark: We’ll always have Charleston. We didn’t have, we lost it until I came to Buenos Aires. We got it back last night.

Maria: When I said I would never leave you.

Mark: And you never will. But I’ve got a job to do, too. Where I’m going, you can’t follow. What I’ve got to do, you can’t be any part of. Maria, I’m no good at being noble, but it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of two little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you’ll understand that. Now… Here’s looking at you, kid.

Why couldn’t Marky Sanford been pillow biting for his big Argentine gaucho? My hopes and dreams never realize fruition. Marky come to IL. Fuck ups like you are commonplace and revered. I could make you a happy man.

@Jamie Sommers: Good find. Not enough about Maria, except that she really is Maria, 43, divorced with two kids, polyglot, professional. The press is totally swarming her neighborhood, so expect pix from the BoAs version of Star shortly.

@Jamie Sommers: I love the Argentinians. They make sure to point out in the article that Maria is in good physical shape. They also note that Sanford described going to Argentina as exotic. Otherwise it’s a recitation of what went down, a shout-out to Sen. Ensign, and a paragraph about how Sanford voted to impeach Billy C.

Oh, and they say what street Maria lives on in Palermo.

@Pedonator: I blame NAFTA. This is further proof that free trade agreements mean lost jobs for Americans. First it was factory workers. Now it’s mistresses. What’s next?

@Jamie Sommers: They’re just doing the jobs that no American citizen would do.

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