Why Do Presbyterians Hate America?

untitledSerolf Divad’s comment got me thinking about the various sources of wingnut welfare, and that made me think back to one of my favorite wingnuts, Brigitte Gabriel.  She’s not much of a wingnut – no “fellowship” at AEI or Hudson – but she’s all over Fox News and writes for The American Thinker.  Bulk purchases of her books by conservative organizations likely contribute to her wingnut welfare total. 

I thought I’d repost a little something I wrote about her back in June 2006.  Vintage wingnuttery, if you will. After the jump you’ll see why she’s so special to me.

From Agitprop:

As you also know, we just love us some American Thinker … it’s a far-right website that reliably provides huge steaming helpings of wingnuttery and bad writing!  Sure enough, there’s plenty to choose from today, but we focus on a little attack on Presbyterians by one Brigitte Gabriel, who thinks evil Presbyterians are giving aid ‘n comfort ‘n stuff to the enemy – specifially, Hezbollah and Hamas.  Let’s dive right in:

Hamas, Islamic Jihad, Huzballah [sic], Islamic Brotherhood, once only associated with the Arab/Israeli conflict, are now identified by intelligence services worldwide as terrorist organizations operating in the West. Their goal is to destroy our world in an Islamic Jihad, forcing those who survive to be Dhimmi- subjugated and despised ones.

Hezbollah operates in the West? 

And holy shit Batman – not only is “Jihad” capitalized, they called us Dhimmis!  Better keep reading:

Sadly there are organizations who have lost their conscious, their judgment between good and evil, and chose to work, support and even defend these forces of evil and intolerance allying themselves with killers. One group is the Presbyterian Church USA, or PCUSA. [sic]

Hmmm … unconscious Presbyterians.  This is getting serious:

In the last few years the PCUSA leadership befriended Husballah [look, another new spelling!], one of the world’s most lethal terrorist organizations solely responsible for killing Americans in Beirut in 1983 when a truck bomb blew up the Marine barracks killing over 241 soldiers and civilians.

Solely responsible?  Wow, they’re finally sure who did that bombing! – glad that’s cleared up:

By considering divestment [from Israel], the PCUSA has also become the defender and champion of Palestinian suicide bombers headed by the terror group Hamas an affiliate of the Muslim Brotherhood. Authorities estimate Hamas has sleeper terrorist cells in over 40 states in America plotting to commit terrorist attacks on Americans. The Hamas charter declares that the Rotary Clubs, Masons, Lions Clubs, and B’nai B’rith are “destructive espionage organizations that are spread around the world in order to destroy societies and carry out Zionist interests.”

You know, we’ve heard reports of suicide bombers with a Presbyterian crest on their explosive belts.  And aren’t the Masons just involved in fucking everything?

The leadership’s excuse for supporting these terrorist organizations and calling on divesting from companies doing business with Israel is the security barrier that Israel built to protect its citizens from repeated barbarous attacks. These barbarians penetrate Israel without conscious nor humanity in order to maim and kill random Israelis. [sic, and sic again]

More unconscious bad people, and damn those Presbyterians for holding the gates open for barbarians!

PCUSA members should stand for coexistence in peace not a coexistence of hate and aggression towards Israel whose Jewish religion was the wellspring from which Christianty sprang.

Spring?  Sprang?  Head … spinning … and wait, didn’t Islam come from that there feller Abraham too?

Israel is the only beacon of democracy in the Middle East.

What?  Iraq’s gone Commie?  We spend an awful lot of money to set them up with a fully-functioning Democracy, and this is the thanks we get?

Challenge your leadership to drop divestment and ‘flee unrighteousness” and follow the values Christ taught when he said “Love your neighbor.”

Unless your neighbors are A-rabs.

OK – need a big finish … (scrape bottom of barrel, invert, repeat):

Reclaim your conscious and rescind this evil in your midst.

Yeah … get up off the floor you Presbyterians!


Bonus wankery:

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… aggression towards Israel whose Jewish religion was the wellspring from which Christianty (sic) sprang.

Shouldn’t that be ‘sprungkt’?

Now do you see why I love her? She’s no Marie Jon, but she’s got that special something.


And by “that something special” I am guessing you mean mondo breastages.

@Tommmcatt the Wet Sprocket: Naaahhh … her rack doesn’t interest me, it’s those deep dark psychotic eyes. She’s special, that one. Imagine if she were stalking you …. She’d boil your bunny AND cut your brake lines.

A call to banish the evil might invite accusations of intolerance and extremism, and there’d be no hope of reclaiming consciousness. On the other hand, merely rescinding the evil seems to leave a little too much wiggle room, like it could be brought back on a whim.

@Benedick: from which Christianity was spawned. As in, Hellspawn.


Hey! That hurts! I respect your position t’word the eternal, can you find it in your heart to respect mine?

@blogenfreude: You posted this just so Cynica and I could get our grammarian/copy editor dander going.

@Tommmcatt the Wet Sprocket: Sorry, I know your particular brand isn’t the really crazy kind, but I just can’t bring myself to respect any religion. Tolerate, yes; respect, no.

Can I just respect you without respecting your position on the Sky Bully?

I don’t expect (or claim for myself) consistently rational and logical worldviews, I think there’s a difference between good-naturedly accepting and acknowledging internal contradictions and fully embracing the cognitive dissidence that fuels the wingnuts.

And I promise I won’t ask you (or any other Stinquer) to respect my controversial positions, only tolerate them.

@Pedonator: There’s plenty to respect, but the respectable kind doesn’t dominate American politics. Nor, for that matter, does the respectable kind show up at my door…

@SanFranLefty: I understand that it’s unlikely English is her first language, but TAT is considered (by wingnuts) to be a fairly prestigious online magazine. Don’t they have an editor? And why hasn’t someone cleaned it up after nearly 3 years. Good grief.

I’ve come to the realization that any publication/website/blog/whatever that tries to use in their title some word to denote intelligence and/or intellect has none.

In Canada City, the publication title would get laughs thanks to our latent snobby anti-US Americanism. American Thinker = oxymoron.

I know better, or I should hanging out around here as the token Canada City person. Till Barry showed up, the truth was that your political and intellectual discourse has been hijacked by twits, twats, boneheads and psychos.


Let’s not kid ourselves–it still is.

Stockwell Day looks like freakin’ Tommy Douglas compared to our know-nothing US morans.

@Original Andrew:
True, but they’re on the downswing: garnering more laughs than being taken seriously.

I can’t even get mad at trolls anymore. To easy to get under their skin.

Aid and comfort? They’ve been sending casseroles?
@SanFranLefty: I’ve spent the day editing artist-submitted bios for a charity auction program, and my red pen is almost out of ink. My personal favorite was the one who submitted her text bio as a JPEG file. WTF? Who does that?
To be fair, I can’t draw, nor can I craft anything other than a well-made cocktail.


The white-wing e-leetists ensconsed in the hermetically sealed offices of the nation’s Congress, Supreme Court and traditional media aren’t going anywhere.

Apparently, there’s an oxygen shortage at the WaPo and NYT that’s caused some irreversible drain bamage in the editorial department–and they’re the so-called respectable ones.

But enough about them; I’m determined to have a superb weekend unmolested by thoughts of half-witted wing-nuts.

I’ve been listening to the new Peaches CD all day. She R.O.C.K.S.

Mr. OA bought tickets to her upcoming concert on June 1st, so this’ll be my second time to see Peaches live. At the first concert she performed a truly haunting rendition of Operate, and one of her new songs, Lose You, should be a similar kick.

Coupla things:

I grew up attending a Presbyterian church as a kid, and have distant memories of my mom getting peeved with the PCUSA because of something civil rights-y on behalf of Angela Davis.

On the music front, I am a recent convert to the band “Wussy”, an Ohio ensemble formed out of the remnants of the Ass Ponys and singers of songs hearfelt, guitar-based and really friggin awesome. This video doesn’t do them justice, although the song has a great lyric. Their brand of melancholy is something that I know that Prom will enjoy, if not all y’all.

Also, Broooooce is playing tonight about two miles from my house. They’re just getting cranked up, and if all goes well it will be like last year’s show: sound so clear I could hear “Rosalita” from my bedroom.

Bon wikend, y’all!


Hey, that’s a kool. Reminds me a bit of Sissy Bar and their awesome cover of Gin & Juice which was a total college fave.

Here’s a high quality version of Peaches’ Lose You.

It’s positively brilliant–it may be a little too electroclashy for you–but your tastes seem fairly eclectic. Enjoy!

This reminds me: a couple of times I’ve walked into Barnes and Noble and seen a print version of Newsmax in their magazine rack. Every time I see it I wonder who’s bankrolling such an obvious money loser.

@Original Andrew: A superb weekend devoid of wingnuts? Not if I have anything to do with it.

Just think – her and Atlas Juggs in a mud wrestling ring. The cast and crew of FNC’s Red Eye would not be able to contain themselves.


Bloggy, it’s time to clock out on tha white-wing fringe and have fun/get distracted/drunky/and into other discusiones.

Today, por ejemplo, I had to defend myself for my seemingly inexplicable attraction to Matthew McConaughey, and all I can say is look, the kahk wants what it wants. Might as well roll with it, ‘k?

@Original Andrew: McConaughey is alright, he’s reasonably hot and consistently shirtless. He should lose the hippy/jesus hair though.

@drinkyclown: @Original Andrew: He has a white trash vibe that just puts me off.

What is it with these nutters and the wearing of cocktail dresses in the daytime?

It’s like watching a perpetual walk of shame with these idiots.

ADD: The one she’s wearing at the top just kills me. Look at the puckering on those seams. Gah!

@Mistress Cynica: It’s my observation that fancy art schools don’t teach grammar to the daughters of bankers. Might impede the flow of creativity but it leaves them with the writing skills of fourth graders. They end up having to hire freelancers to do their bios and webpages. Also – why have critical thinking skills when everyone tells you* you’re right since the day you could talk?

* Not you, them.

@drinkyclown: @Mistress Cynica: @Original Andrew:
matthew mcConaughey gives me the same ick vibe, but i need to tell you that i sat next to him at a beachy conch shack restaurant in provo. he was shirtless with a t shirt tied methodically around his neck.
dear god, the man is made out of marble! i never saw a body like that in my life! i was transfixed! couldn’t take my eyes off of him. he is STUNNING in person, his presence screams movie star.
he was accompanied by penelope cruz, who looks like a ferret in person.
so there is very good reason for him to be shirtless at all occasions.

@baked: The dry cleaner was just taking in some drapes from a Hugh Grant photo shoot here in Santa Fe when I went to go pick up a suit today. He’s here for a movie with SJP. My brush with fame for the day.

I’m only sharing this cause we’re tight–so don’t breath a word to anyone–but for me it’s his Texas/Southern accent that really turns my crank. Maybe ‘cuz I’ll always be a Southern boy at heart–Mr. OA has a very manly Southern accent–so perhaps that has something to do with it.

As far as dirty secrets go, it’s pretty mild. And I loved Fools Gold, btw. (ducks)


You must’ve been surrounded by gorgeous people like that siempre temprano; did you ever get blasé about it?

That was something that really struck me about Hawaii–it seemed like the most beautiful people of every race and ethnicity on Earth lived there.

And yes, I bravely flung my paper-white Seattle body on the beach, and no one ran from the glare.

@baked, @Original Andrew: I’m agnostic about Matthew, but the rockin’ body and southern accent do get my fires a burnin’.

Since I’m alternative, in the fantasies I’ve had where Matthew McConaughey might have been the obvious casting choice, I’ve usually swapped him out for Josh Lucas.

Such as.

@Jamie Sommers: Thank you. I was so caught up in the atrocious writing I was unable to concentrate on the crimes of fashion. And “perpetual walk of shame”? +1.
@Pedonator: Definitely a trade up, IMHO.

@Mistress Cynica: I was going to say something about these right-wing floozies parading about in negligee with color-coordinated fuck-me pumps, but I worried it might be sexist, or, worse, terminally fashion-blind. As I have no idea what is appropriate for day-to-day office attire, much less appearing on the teevee to spew incoherent hatred and bile. Really, she looks like she’s about to hit the sheets with Rudolph Murdoch. In a beige, beige boudoir.

And yeah, Josh would be a trade up. Such a gentleman, though I wouldn’t want him to be gentle with me.

@Pedonator: Satin and other shiny fabrics are not daywear, unless you work in Vegas. Lots of sparkly jewelry, ditto. As Michael Kors would say on PR, “slutty, slutty, slutty.”

@Original Andrew:
yes, you get blase because most look like everyone else. casual, unremarkable. the giveaway that it’s a famous person is they tend to wear baseball caps down to the tip of their nose, which attracts attention because they look ridiculous, and haven’t figured out yet that no one cares or bothers them.
unless i love them. i was very excited to see larry david lounging at the pool at the palms and came very close to talking to him, but summoned restraint as it is my policy.
btw, the average israeli is stunning looking, what a surprise that was. i’m doing a photo essay on faces of jersalem, and have learned to politely ask my subject if they would mind removing their sunglasses. turns out, my pronunciation has me asking them to remove their pants.
this explains a lot.

@baked: I wish my pronunciation worked like that for me.

@Mistress Cynica:
paybacks for ratbastard are a BITCH!

@baked: My Gawd (or is it Jehovah in Israel), I cannot wait for your fresh batch of photo uploads to the Stinque Jam or FB. I have overwhelming lesbian urges every time I see photos of the chicks in the Israeli army. For reals.

@Mistress Cynica: @Jamie Sommers: Thank you for noting the cocktail dress. I was going to inquire about how come all the far-right females are dressed as if they’re on their way to a Fall Homecoming at a Texas high school or to the 11:30 show at the Sands.

@Original Andrew: @drinkyclown: I lurve Matthew McC and his bare chest. If I got to spend 10 hours a day running on sand in Malibu, I would have the muscle tone he has. I ran in to him a few times in my Austin days. OMFG, the biggest fucking pothead you could ever meet, also (at least back then) the mellowest and most down to earth guy you could ever meet. And you can’t hate a guy who gets arrested by the Austin Police Department for making a racket with his bongo drums (buck-ass nekkid, natch) while hanging out with UT quarterback Major Applewhite.

Of course, my Matthew encounter dayz was also when Renee Zellwegger was still hanging around UT before the big break movie with the gay Scientologist, and she was a sweetheart too.

@SanFranLefty: “Eclectic” doesn’t begin to describe your interests. And for a lawyer, too — most of us have the bandwidth of a possum.

@Dodgerblue: Not sure if you’re referring to my interest in the women of the Israeli army or my affection for Matthew McConaughey, but thanks for the compliment!

@Original Andrew: Hey, I like this Sissy Bar and that version of “Gin & Juice”! Never heard them, but saw the post on FB (I’m losing track of who we all are IRL).

The Peaches track was a bit too electronica for me. I’ve heard some older stuff that isn’t too bad (“Boys want to be her”?).

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