Elizabeth Edwards: Space Alien Pestorking Affair Made Me Barph
When Elizabeth Edwards learned that her husband John was pestorking a space alien named Rielle Hunter she cried, wailed and finally blew chunks, so revolted was she by the thought of her husband of decades climbing into a space ship with a creature from another planet, pestorking it and ultimately siring a space alienette with the diabolical monster.
The New York Daily News reports today: Then-candidate John Edwards broke the news to Elizabeth days after declaring his candidacy in 2006 and, for added evil, used the opportunity to lie to his dying wife about the affair. John Edwards tried to pass off the affair as a one-night stand when, in fact, he and the insane, cackling space alien spent weeks pestorking on her space ship that followed his campaign entourage for which she posed as a videographer.
Deeply twisted, we admit, but the pinnacle of emetogenicity in the book arrives, however, when Elizabeth Edwards describes the pick-up scene that ignited the affair. The space alien groped John Edwards and told him, “You are so hot” whereupon Edwards got his campaign to pay it $114,000 and set out to pestork the bejesus out of it.