6a00d8341ce4c253ef0115701738fe970b-500wiHave you guys heard of Citizen Quasar, who will free us all from the tyranny of the government with his pulsating star powers and interneptitude? In Oklahoma, the newest communist state with a theme song written by actual communists, the FBI arrested Daniel Knight Hayden earlier this month for his hilarious Twitter jokes about violent overthrow of the government and cop killing. Hayden, whose Twitter account is still up (but unfortunately not being updated) under the name CitizenQuasar, is my new favorite Twitterer, barely edging out John McCain because he is just slightly more out of touch with reality. His totally insane tweets include hits like, “START THE KILLING NOW”, “I fell down. I got up. KEEP ON TRUCK”IN!!!”, some stupid quote from Conan the Barbarian, and my favorite, “test”. Anyway, this dude’s the first twitter user to be arrested for the crime of being an idiot on the internet. More of his inspirational douchebaggery after the jump. . .


My only question is, where can a man like this live if NOT in Oklahoma?  

Tea Party Twitter Arrest: Daniel Hayden Threatened Mass Murder, Cop Killing [AP/Huffington Post]


And the judge considers this guy “not a serious threat”?

Fashionjack: Keith? Shirtsleeves?

So, how is he different from Glenn Beck?

I will wait for Cynica to confirm, but I thought in Oklahoma this was just considered ‘courtin’.

My only question is, where can a man like this live if NOT in Oklahoma?

Idaho – it’s chock full of ’em. And Texas. And Montana. And North Dakota … this is starting to depress me.

It’s not like people or the NSA ignore these things.

What does he have against the Capitol Steps? I know they arent funny, but it is basically just community theater.

I like that 100 days ago was the end of carefree halcyon life in Oklahoma.

This guy is a treasure. He will have his own show in 6 months.

@homofascist: Another reason to be grateful I no longer live in that hell hole.

An amazing number of Idaho wingnuts/neo-Nazis et al. are from other states. It’s the most unpleasant aspect of Californication. The only good they’ve done is energize local human rights groups.

@nojo: weird, huh? I was trying to figure out why he was sans jacket, but couldn’t come up w anything.

did u see Rachel? her fangirl interview of Lars Ulrich was adorable.

@Jamie Sommers: Are you feeling better yet, doll?

@nojo: I was at the gym a few hours ago watching Keiff while on the treadmill, and nearly fell off when I saw him sans pinstripe suit jacket. Shirtsleeves? Really? What if he started schvetzing on camera?!

ADD to Cynica & Benedick: Speaking of schvetzing on camera, my big teevee day is tomorrow, I’m planning on taking a few Ativan to calm me down. Have the suit picked out, am memorizing talking points now, practicing good posture and hand movements, and thank you two so much for the fashion/hair/makeup advice. (Shocked that HF didn’t weigh in, frankly).

@Jamie Sommers: I just wrote about it on another thread. I love how they stood up for San Francisco values. I was blasting “Death Magnetic” while I was running errands yesterday, btw.

@SanFranLefty: I know you’ll be great and look great. Let us know if there’s somewhere we can watch!

@Mistress Cynica:
If it’s not completely horrifying and my vanity doesn’t give in to the fact that I will probably look like a 300 lb beached whale in need of a nose job thanks to unforgiving camera angles, I will put linkeys on FB.

Oh, and yes, I’m working on some self-esteem and body issues with the shrink, since I know you were probably wondering. 30 plus years of negativity to get over, so I’m the full-employment program here for the SF psychiatric community.

@SanFranLefty: I went shopping in LA with my best friend, whose mother has always made her feel fat beacuse she wasn’t a twig. Instead, she was a swimmer with broad shoulders and big boobs she hated. We’re in a boutique and she’s trying on outfits, worrying that she “looks fat.” I point out that the skirt she is wearing is a size 6, which is definitely NOT fat (this was before a size 2 was the new size 4). She goes back to the dressing room and the salesgirl turns to me and asks, “Are you her therapist?” True story.

i can’t believe i haven’t been arrested yet…oh wait, right.

lefty, whaaat’s this? teevee??? you’ll be fabulous, because you are.
going now to catch up on everything stinquey, been so out of touch running around miami. (hey, did you know english is now the second language in miami? no englace’.)
missed you guys. and talking about self esteem, i thought i was a great scrabble player before i encountered YOU!!! there’s some self esteem, i’ll send you my bill. let’s start a new game, i’m coming after you!
you too cyn, your turn!

that’s why the only place i want to live is SF or NYC…or an island.

don’t take too many ativan or you’ll slur like me, and keep in mind albert brooks in broadcast news and dress accordingly. black is good.
or a wetsuit.

@SanFranLefty: You know yourself but personally I wouldn’t take anything. Just remember. They want to see you on the program which is why they contacted you and asked you to appear instead of Kim Novak. It’s OK to be nervous. You should be nervous, it’s a good thing. Just lean into it and you’ll be fine. Oh, and keep your mouth good and moist. I’d avoid coffee and tea because they dry you out. Eat melon, if you like. Better than pints of water and does much the same thing.

Good luck, break a leg, merde.

@baked: Hi, baked! How long are you there?

@SanFranLefty: Lil’ bit. The mucii [sp?] are manageable today and my throat doesn’t require a constant supply of throat lozenges so I’m back at work.

Good luck today!!!

hi!! i’m back in jerusalem after a whirlwind trip. came back just in time for remembrance day, today, for the fallen soldiers, and went to a FABulous spectacle tonight in an outdoor venue to honor them and begin the celebration of independence day…61 years. i am completely verklempt, and was overcome by emotion. godless heathen that i am, i’m still a jew by accident of birth and it moved me. 0.01% of the world’s population, who have contributed so much to the the world just knocks me out how we’re still struggling to avoid extermination. and NOW i’m heading to a little club to hear my friend’s band and get WASTED.
fireworks are exploding everywhere, still at a party!

Dear God, you went straight from Purim to this? I’m converting.

@baked: we’re still struggling to avoid extermination

As are the Palestinians.

Wait till you have to deal with the Bris (assuming you’re not, er, “cut.”)

@Benedick: Really. I thought they were just suffering and guilty all the time, but the truth is they’re partying.

@SanFranLefty: My media training advice: put the question into the answer.

But seriously, you have body image issues? Are you fucking kidding me? Buy a mirror. Listen to me a minute here: at our recent meetup on the Embarcadero I was walking up to the restaurant behind you, enjoying every minute of it.

@Mistress Cynica: A swimmer’s body with big boobs? May I send you my contact info?

@ManchuCandidate: If he’s like the Brits I’ve, uh, known, then no.

@mellbell: Well then, at least “docking” is still an option.

@ManchuCandidate: Brits are all ‘cut’ as a matter of hygiene. And to avoid the whole super-sensitive glans leading to sexual pleasure issue. I think you are confusing us with the Franch men. Who are, of course, the provenance of Camembert.

@Mistress Cynica: I know. And here I was laboring under the delusion that mine was an exception and that he’d somehow forgotten the suffering part.

@Prommie: I’m glad to not know what that means.

@Benedick: Really? It’s nowhere near US levels, though, as the ever reliable Wikipedia confirms.

@mellbell: Praps not now but was pretty much universal when I made my debut. Wouldn’t surprise me if Europe has moved on leaving the States to brandish the ritual clippers alone. In fact my godson got clipped, against my advice, because his mother had only done it with cut men and found the idea of a foreskin off-putting. Yes, I know. I explained it was her son she was talking about and her observations might not be entirely appropriate outside Sophocles but she nipped my argument in the bud.

@mellbell: It was a very big deal when the Waleses elected not to have Prince William circumcised. Probably became less fashionable after that.
@Benedick: I know a number of women who have cited that reason. Creepy.

@Mistress Cynica: I didn’t know that Prince William was uncut (why would I, I suppose…). Interesting.

So here’s the update. Survived the teevee thing today. It airs in a couple weeks, will be up on the tubes after that. I was one of many people interviewed in a row for a thirty minute public affairs show. I sat up very straight, looked at the reporter the whole time, she only asked me 3 of the 8 questions I was given, but I made most of my points (at least according to the other panelists) in 2 minutes. I had one goof when I tried to pronounce Arnie’s last name.

Oh, and I took an Ativan 30 minutes before it started. I was nice and calm the whole time – no shaking, no nerves, no sweating. I may have to start doing that more often.

@Dodgerblue: You lecherous man you. I used to be much skinnier (40-45 lbs less) than I am now, but age and health problems and anti-depressants will add the weight. Luckily I’m built like a shit brickhouse rather tall so I carry the weight fairly well.

Nice. Sounds like it went better than my 3 TV appearances.
1) Man on the street interview. Apparently looked like a retarded Deer in headlights or so my friend who saw the bit claimed.
2) Flamed out on local TV quiz show. Knew all the answers except for the questions I was given. Spent most of my TV time rolling my eyes or snorting in disgust.
3) Local Cable access interview on an event I organized. Not so many uhs and ums. However, my mom freaked out because I did the interview with facial hair (in my defense, it was nicely trimmed.)

@ManchuCandidate: I pray there will be no visible facial hair for me. They were talking about how EVERYTHING is magnified and the smallest blemish looks horrifying on HDTV. That was the *perfect* thing to tell me 30 seconds before the cameras started rolling.

@SanFranLefty: Well played. I’m fortunate that my only face time on teevee was in foreign lands, and in at least one of them nobody understood me.

My only previous television experience was being interviewed in Spanish for Univision in a hallway about abortion, mere days after having major surgery and while on major pain medication. Compared to that, this was a breeze.

I don’t remember if I was ever on TV, there were campaign things where I might have, but I have had to do filmed interviews for promotional things, and interviews that were played on the jumbotrons at our annual convention thingy, and every time I was scared to death and near shitting myself and filled with every variety of self-consciousness and insecurity, and the thing is, once the camera is rolling, and you start talking and get the first sentence out, its fine, everything is fine.

The audience wants the performers to succeed, you know, people are conditioned to believe that whatever the guy on the screen is doing, it must be right, you actually have to overcome a default bias in your favor to come off badly.

@Promnight: Yeah, and the Xanax and Ativan help too. I normally walk into courtrooms or depositions shaking (until I open my mouth), this time I was cool as a cucumber from the start. Kind of a nice sensation.

@SanFranLefty: I won’t go on an airplane without xanax. I suffer from clinical, diagnosed, social anxiety disorder. Thats the name for extreme shyness, self-consciousness, and extreme stage fright that will get your health insuror to give you meds for it.

I now regularly give 5 hour long seminars and lectures, and always, always, with a good dose of xanax, and I enjoy it now.

@SanFranLefty: I did tv once in a while when I was a reporter on a local public affairs show that Mrs RML later co-hosted. I’ve also done local tv for a case in which we got a tro against the army for a buffalo hunt on its land on behalf of tribal clients who wanted the animals for their herds (“it’s always a good day when the Indians beat the army,” I said, and Swedish tv and the bbc on political stuff. I recently turned down a column in the NM Independent because it would be too much work at this point.

/back to research for something I’m working on now. Might miss turkey season entirely due to workload.

my comment re extermination was general and going back 5 thousand years from egypt, the inquisition, the holocaust, the kkk and mel gibson.
just remember there are 3 sides to every story. the palestinians, the israeli’s and the truth. i’m rooting for this little sliver of desert surrounded by vast areas of murderous arabs and iranians to survive.

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