Punkin the Cat Knows Exactly Why Limbaugh Doesn’t Consider Beatings and Electrocution to Be Torture
From time to time, Stinque.com will assign special correspondents who though without conventional press credentials can, due to special skills or access, report from the front in this, the uneasy twilight years of the confrontation between civilization and the neomediavist movement that is gripping America.
Rush Limbaugh’s pet, Punkin Cat, has agreed to post occasional reports from the high castle of neofascist fucktard and enemy of civilization, Rush Limbaugh, to let the world know of the cackling insanity and wanton, gasping depravity of the sick fuck that has assumed the role of GOP’s First Freak.
Keeping with its tradition of news product innovation, the entire Q and A sequence with Punkin was delivered to Stinque.com editors through direct telepathic link with him. Pnnkin informs us that he is not only telepathatic, telekinetic and teleportive, a mutant of almost unlimited power, he has used used his psychic power to brainwash Shitbaugh into believing he is a space alien who would send the sun supernova if he dares to cross him.
S.com: So, like, what is the story with Shitbaugh and his love of torture and inflicting pain? We saw that segment with him slapping himself in the face to prove CIA recommended interrogation procedures were humane and stuff and, besides being pathetic, it betrayed a certain, I dunno. . .
PC: Oh, get your head out of your ass, man. It doesn’t take a shrink to figure out the fucking guy is into pain in a big way.
S.com: Like, it’s like, ah, enjoyable?
PC: Very good, shit-for-brains! Yes, this guy is so twisted you could use him for the business end of a toilet snake. Fuckbaugh can’t get his pathetic Vienna sausage to salute unless he is being tortured in ways . . .
S.com: Like how?
PC: Oh, fuck, how can I put this in a family publication? Usually, when he attempts to masturbate he has snuff child porn running on the flat screen in the parlor and 220 house service hooked up to his Raisinettes with alligator clips. Has two electricians do it: one to pull back the flab and another to attach the clips.
S.com: To get a stiffy?
PC: When he is lucky. Sometimes, he is so fucked up on crystal meth and DeKuyper Schnapps that the only thing that will do it for him is when Karl Rove dresses up in an SS uniform and beats him with a tire iron while they are watching news reels of the Nuremberg rallies.
PC: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I get my jollies, too, but hey, goombah, I just pretend to be a space alien.
S.com: So, he was, from his point of view, really telling the truth about slapping around not being torture.
PC:For his last birthday, Barbara Bush came over and anally raped him with a singed weasel.
PC: Yeah. Yeah. I rest my case.