Four on the Floor

Times are tough all over in the travel industry. Which is why the White Cockatoo, an awesomely named resort in suspiciously named Queensland, Australia, divides its calendar among months for families, months for nudists — even a month for pestorking nudists.

And which, in turn, leads to this travel advisory: Do not confuse the months.

John Harrison, whose age would suggest he’s better seen with his clothes on, learned that his attire was not welcome during “a confrontation with a group of naked women” at the resort, who not only insisted he disrobe, but prompted a call to the police before anyone realized they were all reenacting one of our favorite moments from The Meaning of Life.

Mr. Harrison was waiting for dinner with his wife when the ruckus began. The four naked women (because we cannot stress this enough) complained about Mr. Harrison’s evening wear to resort owner Tony Fox (also naked), who agreed with them, in the process delivering a line we fear we’ll go to our grave without ever hearing:

“I think you’re being disrespectful to these women by being dressed.”

Nudists give couple bum’s rush [New Zealand Herald]

Its not just a delightful story, I see a hilarious play. Benedick, Benedick, come on, this is just wonderful, a non-nudist couple showing up during swingers nudist week at the resort, OMG, funny funny funny.

Now I know why nudists are so polite. It’s all about mutually assured nudity. No reason to impolitely stare.

Or get a boot the head (a Canada City Comedy troupe had a TV show called Four On the Floor and a boot the head was one of their trademark skits.)

What is strange about this is fact that vast stretches of beach along this coast are completely empty. You could have three busloads of people show up and run out into the water naked and no one would know or care. I’ve walked the beach at Cape Kimberley, a famous park site, alone as well at a number of other lesser known beaches in the region.

If you need a reasonable place to stay in this part of the world, here’s my recommendation.

My god, I’m getting so homesick for those pubs in Queensland or South Australia.

@FlyingChainSaw: Well the beaches are empty because of the crocodiles. The much feared salt water crocodile (a “Salty” in the local lingo) lives up that way and tends to discourage most aquatic activities.

Also theres the Irukandji Jellyfish. This jelly fish is about the size of your thumb and will kill you slowly and painfully.

@CheapBoy: Your country is filled with things that kill you, isn’t it?

@Promnight: Yeah, even the trees can kill you.

Many a camper has died in their sleep when an eucalypt decided to drop a branch on their tent. Or as has previously been noted, the buggers explode during bushfires.

I think we have 7 of the 10 most venomous snakes in the world, and some very nasty spiders, viz the red-back spider. The second most common site of a red-back bite is the scrotum.

Bryson made it clear in his book about travelling about Australia, in the north, especially, everything is out to kill ya.

Two people killed in my county 2 weeks ago from trees getting blown down on them while they were driving in their cars.

@CheapBoy: Yes, I know, but the beaches are empty of clothed tourists, leaving a lot of room on land for nekkid adventures. And the nekkid resort can’t make all those natural threats go away. @Promnight: Hughes named his book The Fatal Shore for a good reason. @SanFranLefty: Never been to S. Australia but always wanted to drift out that way and see the SA wine country, there the Nullarbor and the Indian Ocean shores of Australia. And Alice. And the beaches around Broome. Never had a crushing urge to see Darwin. Exchanged some correspondence with a trombone player from the symphony there once and he said the big news was all the teenage suicides. What were the pubs like in SA?

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