Lab Notes

Subject Notes Disposition
Woof. Lancelot II Refused to paper-train Terminated
Woof. Lancelot III Howled at Celine Dion CD Terminated
Woof. Lancelot IV Chewed up Lancelot I’s bed Terminated

Woof. Lancelot V Abnormal levitation Terminated
Woof. Lancelot VI Twisted head around;
made insinuating remarks
about my mother
Woof. Lancelot VII Threatened to clone me
until he got a human
he was satisfied with
Purr. Lancelot VIII Gene-splicing successful;
minimal side-effects
DNA frozen for use in 2024

Their dog was so great they had to clone him [St. Petersburg Times]

Some people really can’t let go, can they?

I miss all my pets that have died, but I have no desire to clone them because their time is over like mine will eventually be (it would puzzle me greatly if anyone wanted to clone me.)

Florida. It’s a special place.

But srsly. Why not just get another Lab? Our present dachshund came from the same breeder as an earlier dog we loved very much. New dachs is so like old dachs I sometimes think it’s the same dog. They even play the same games. Plus he’s just as bloody-minded as our older dog.

I was in the vet’s a while back when a man came in looking for kittens born after a certain date. Turns out that’s when his cat died and became reincarnated. It’s Woodstock, people. Second home of the Rinpoche Lama (I hope I spelled that right). So he was trying to find his reincarnated cat.

Do people have nothing better to do with their time and money? Could they get their heads out of their asses and look around them for just a second, and see that perhaps losing a dog is not the worst thing to ever happen in the history of humanity? Can these people just be executed?

My friend, who recently found she was pregnant with her third child, just lost $144K of her savings and her husband received a 40 percent pay cut. They could cover them, and still have $11K left over to spend at WalMart.

I wrote about it on my blog so I won’t get too into it here, but the fucking French are protesting lack of job security, which is the dumbest reason for the French to strike since the unemployment union held a strike last year.


This is destined to be one of those 100+ comment posts, given the investment so many of us have in our pets. I think cats reincarnate themselves without any intervention, although our current feline displays an aggro tendency that I can’t for the life of me trace back through any of my 40+ years of cat ownership association. Dude attacks my ankles when I get home from work until he gets his portion of canned food, even if somebody else has already fed him!

Pet dies. Work through the levels of grief. Go to the pound and pick out a new one. Repeat as necessary.

I have developed a farmer’s view, wtr pets. I think of them as livestock. Oh, they are adorable and lovable, and so totally replaceable. Dogs and cats have some level of individual personality, but I cannot believe people even take fish and lizards and birds to a vet, and I cannot believe the vets don’t just take the things in the back, go get another identical fish/lizard/bird, come back out with the replacement pet, and say “here ya go, all fixed up.”

I love my cat Lili, but if I could go through another 15 years of her passive-aggressive behavior I don’t think I would. She’s insane. Lick lick lick lick CHOMP.

I’m about to have my TIAA-CREF account from my last job disbursed and damn the tax consequences so I can pay $1300 for surgery my 14 yr old cat needs. I love him more than I can say. He is the buddha, or at least a bodhisattva. Still, I think cloning is incredibly wrong on so many levels: disrespectful to the individual creature your pet was and simply unthinkable when there are so many animals who desperately need a home. Of course, I feel pretty much the same way about fertility treatments for humans.

Pedo Jr. and I have a reciprocity agreement, of sorts.

My will stipulates that he be given first shot at my rotting flesh and organs before cremation if I die before he does (he loves his treats!).

And I have promised him that if he goes before me, no other doggy, and certainly not some lab experiment, will ever take his place. I know it’s not exactly equal, but I’m a vegetarian.

@Mistress Cynica: My 14 y/o kitty Akbar succumbed to lung cancer fifteen months ago, and as difficult as those last few weeks/months were for all of us, I never ever wanted to try to prolong her life with sophisticated and hugely expensive treatments. Mind you, she lived in seven countries and more than 10 different houses/apartments/basements and survived the birth and transition through toddlerhood of two human siblings, so the “she had a full life” was a mind-hack I deployed to keep the tears down to the bucketful.

ADD: I was the smoker, so how guilty do you think that made me?

@nabisco: Do you have another Kitty named “Jeff?”


5 Years of FFA taught me that animals can be at once loveable, adorable, and delicious.

@Prommie: Good on ya mate. First one to ever guess the origins of her name. Taking her on international flights post-9/11 was a hoot…

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: There is nothing cuter than a cow, they are so adorable, and even affectionate. And tasty.

@nabisco: If you love the classic old Life is Hell, it simply must be that you would also love Achewood. You should give it a try. Here is as good a place to start as any:

Just click the arrow pointing right to get the next installment, it gets interesting.

@nabisco: In your circumstances, I think you made the right call. My kitty’s condition is not terminal; the operation, a colectomy, will correct a painful condition (megacolon) that has not responded well to drug and diet therapy. The vet assures me that he can live an even longer and much happier life as a result. I would not subject a pet to painful cancer treatments — I don’t know that I’d take them myself.
Mr Cyn is a heavy smoker, and I smoke on occasion, so I often think how insanely guilty I would feel if any of the bébés got cancer. I truly feel for you.

@Prommie: English celebrities. Not unlike American intellectuals.

Lancelot IX: Fed peanut butter from Georgia.

@rptrcub: It is a setup for a Venture Bros. montage, come to think of it.

It would certainly work, but I think you need about three or four more Lancelots for that.

Lancelot X: Jumped off 50 story balcony.

Go Team Lancelot!

ManchuCandidate: Lancelot XI: Loved the people of Illinois too much.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: The organic Colorado beef in my freezer I got from Mr and Mrs Oldest Friend in the World was named “Little Man.” Mmmmm. Incredible steaks. The elk in there is pretty amazing also.

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