The Sarah Palin Bookshelf

Breaking HARD/

It has been disclosed that Yo Yo Ma et al were miming to pre-recorded track!!!111!1 Yes, that unsuitable music was not being performed live!!!!

Like… you can play a violin/cello/piano outdoors in that kind of cold and hope to stay in tune? To say nothing of splitting the soundbox.

And would someone explain to me why the new president of the United States of America is supposed to dance in public with his wife? Is it a prom? Is it a cheesy wedding? Remember. I did not go to school here. There is much about your funny ways that leave me dumbfounded. This being one of them. Oh. And also…

Why does everyone keep praying??????????

“Your other Nana is a Drug Pusher”
“How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying”
“The Secret”

Not found:
“The Power of Positive Thinking”
Reason? See “Thinking”

@Benedick:
I don’t get that either.

At least the first song wasn’t “Every Breath You Take.”

Wait, Sarah Palin has a bookshelf? Oh, I remember now. It’s where she keeps pickled moose parts.

@Benedick: The fertility rite segment of the inauguration went out of fashion after the Kennedy Administration. Previously, it was the tradition of Presidents to pestork their first ladies vigorously on a banquet table surrounded by piles of unthreshed grain while celebrants at the inaugural ball sang Auld Lang Syne. Things got out of hand during Kennedy’s inaugural with everybody so stoned, singing Inagaddadavida out of key and Jackie O, after polishing off Jack, started making lurid suggestions about taking on the Presidents Own Marine Corps marching band. Apparently, there is grainy video of her standing on the White House Fertility Rite Pestorking Table in nothing but a garter belt, Jack curled up around her left leg, snoring, while she taunts the reluctant band members to come up and fuck her. “You mean, you carry all that brass around all day long and you can’t get it up for the First Lady? Jack, Jack, wake up, we gotta get a new band in here,” she says while apparetly trying to kick him awake. The episode alarmed Lady Bird Johnson and at LBJ’s inaugural, she wrote the protocol and handed it off to the event manager. No more fertility rite ceremony. One dance. The table has been in storage ever since.

@FlyingChainSaw: Thanks. I did not know that.

@FlyingChainSaw: And would you believe that there’s no entry for “pestork” on Urban Dictionary? Shameful.

TJ, interesting, fun, thinkprogress reports that State Department staffers called Condoleeza “the wicked witch of the west,” call Hillary “Glinda,” and have stories to tell regarding Condi’s raging ego and self-promotion:

“State Department staffers compare Rice to Wicked Witch of the West

Reporting on Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s introductory speech at the State Department this morning, Harper’s Scott Horton notes that last week several career State Department staffers compared former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice to the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz:

I met last week with a number of career State Department employees and was surprised when one said she was looking forward to the “Glinda Party” next week. I asked her: if Hillary was Glinda, the Good Witch of the South from the Wizard of Oz, did that make Condoleezza Rice the Wicked Witch of the West?

“You’re on to it,” she said. Another person pointed out to me that after Rice’s arrival in 2005 the tone of official State Department publications changed; they began to praise and glorify Rice. “No prior secretary,” said the twenty-year veteran, “did anything like this.”

@mellbell: I never heard that word till I began wasting time sharing here. Where’s it come from? Is it the Mercan version of ‘rogering’? As in “Blow me, matey, I been rogering Yankee bum.”

@Prommie: This is making me uneasy. Much as one enjoys it I’m reminded of all those stories about the Clintons stealing furniture from the White House.

@Benedick: I think that’s because FCS made it up, but it could catch on elsewhere with the proper exposure.

@Benedick: Sauce for the gander, I say, even if so. But I do not think its the same situation. I think these stories are true.

BREAKING: Plaxico Burress’s replacement shot in the leg.

@blogenfreude: Oh Holy Fuck, there has been some seismic shift in the world, some spiritual change, why, there is some form of cosmic justice at work here. It has to be connected with the coming of Obama.

@mellbell: That would explain it. I like the word. It carries all sorts of overtones: screwing but dirtier.

@Prommie: Even so.

blogenfreude: Reminds me of a scene in “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels” — “can everyone stop getting shot?”

In other news: hard core lefties are NOT HAPPY about Gillibrand. Something about a 100% NRA rating sets them off. Meh.

And Blago is going to be tried in absentia, claiming that the result is preordained. And so he will, instead, wage a public relations war. The words “appear” and “The View” were within the same sentence. Dear Lord. I will say, though, that the possibility of Blagojevich being forcibly ejected from the Governor’s office — removal of chains around desk, going limp, the whole deal — will make for AWESOME television.

@blogenfreude:
Are Giants Wide Receivers like Spinal Tap Drummers?

Who will choke on someone else’s vomit?

@Prommie: People close to me said the same about Condie, but were frankly quite nervous about the Hilbot 2000. OTH, there’s probably a hardcore group of PUMAs among the mandarins.
@blogenfreude: Enjoy the off-season!

Just a quick look in the card index yields:

The White Trash Guide to Neimann Marcus
The Dummies Guide to Alaska Politics
The Big Book of White Trash Baby Names (see also The John Deere Parts Catalog)
Stand By Your Man
O Cum All Ye Faithful: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Cocksucking by Katherine Harris.
The Idiots Guide to Being Interviewed By Katie Curic
Fiscal Responsibility For Fun and Profit by Phil Gramm
How to Field Dress a Liberal
Lift and Separate: the Republican Woman’s Guide to 21st Century Politics by Katherine Harris
He Makes Me Runny: A Memoir of Stolen Moments With George W Bush by Michelle Bachman
The White Trash Guide to Barbecued Salmon: Celebrating Alaska’s Proud Confederate Tradition
The Beginners’ Guide to Gluttony by Rick Warren

@Benedick: Bravo, bravo!

Also, thanks for inspiring FCS’s short course in the history of inaugural balling.

@ManchuCandidate: Please tell me Eli Manning doesn’t own any firearms …

@nabisco: I was thinking that, if shameless self-promotion is the objection to Condi, what could possibly make them think a Clinton could be an improvement. On the other hand, Swampsow’s self promotion will at least be more substantive and reality based, in contrast to Princess Sparkle Pony’s delusional playacting at being a diplomat, “hey, look at me in my glamour boots, making Whirled Peas.”

@Benedick: Outstanding.

@blogenfreude: He’s from the South, and from a football dynasty. The man has guns.

@Benedick: I find “perstorking” has a rather Chaucerian tone. I’m sure you could pass it off as “from the Middle English.”

@Mistress Cynica:
Impeccable logic. Be afraid, Bloggy.

@ManchuCandidate: On the other hand, Brett is off hunting in Mississippi. Maybe a hunting “accident” could be arranged so we can draft for a quarterback that doesn’t throw twenty-plus picks a year. Anybody have Cheney’s number?

@Mistress Cynica: My favorite line from Chaucer: “And stealthily he grabbed her by the cunt.” That move never worked for me.

@chicago bureau: Beel Richardson was endorsed by the NRA in his last run for governor in New Mexico, supported and signed a concealed carry law, and had a concealed carry permit for a handgun himself. My spies have been unable to tell me exactly what kind of heat Richardson (allegedly) packs. A political mentor of mine took him turkey hunting and the Man Who Would Be President/Secretary of State/Ambassador to China/Commerce Secretary Stuck in Fucking New Mexico Forever bagged a tom. Better than I’ve done in the past few seasons. Sigh.

@Mistress Cynica: There’s a little general store near Philadelphia, Mississippi where the Mannings are from that is a shrine to the Three Mannings.

For further reading:

My Heart Belongs to Daddy: My race for the White House with John McCain (Whose Wife Is a Total Bitch) by Sarah Palin
How to talk to a Cowboy by Karl Rove
WWJD: Who Would Jesus Do? by Ted Haggard
The Stranger: From Existentialism to Anxiety: Reading the ‘Ambiguous’ in Camus’s Text by George W. Bush
Highball! The Southern Lady’s Guide to the perfect Cocktail by Laura Bush
Gender Confusion for Fun and Profit by Anne Coulter
How to Talk to Lesbians by Dick Cheney
How to Live With Evil by Lynne Cheney
He Made Me This Way by Mary Cheney
Lovin’ Dat Man: Post-Irony Race Relations in the Age of Bush by Condoleeza Rice (Dr.)
The Dummies Guide to Dummies
The Devil Made Me Do Him: One Woman’s Journey Through Hell After She Pestorks Her Husband’s Best Friend And Lives To Sell The Tale by Sarah Palin
Abs-Stinencercize! The Total Virgin Workout

As you might have surmised, I’ve got a bit of time on my hands. Shampooing carpets and stuff.

RML: Come up here. We got turkeys wandering all over the place. Whole big flocks.

@FlyingChainSaw:@Benedick: @Mistress Cynica: @mellbell:

A little unattributed etymology mash-up that may be of some value in legitimizing and promoting this valuable word:

per-
1588 (earlier in various L. and Fr. phrases), from L. per “through, during, by means of, on account of, as in,” from PIE base *per- “through, across, beyond” (cf. Skt. pari “around, about, through,” O.Pers. pariy, Gk. peri “around, about, beyond,” O.C.S. pre-, Rus. pere- “through,” Lith. per “through,” O.Ir. air- Goth. fair-, Ger. ver- O.E. fer-, intensive prefixes).

-stork
O.E. storc, related to stear “stiff, strong” (see stark), from P.Gmc. *sturkaz (cf. O.N. storkr, M.Du. storc, O.H.G. storah, Ger. Storch “stork”). Perhaps so called with reference to the bird’s stiff or rigid posture. But some connect the word to Gk. torgos “vulture.” O.C.S. struku, Rus. sterch, Lith. starkus, Magyar eszterag, Albanian sterkjok “stork” are Gmc. loan-words. The reason why the stork is known as the bringer of babies is because in colloquial german, ‘storch’ is a nickname for the penis.

Summarized – Action through, on account of or by means of a stiff strong rod or posture that babies arrive.

@Hose Manikin: Masterful. And I mean that in the good way.

Offensive Driving by Laura Welsh Bush

@Benedick:

I also meant to note that the FCS usage of of “pestork” is clearly a corruption of the original spelling “perstork” which, through common use over the centuries, is now an accepted spelling.

@Hose Manikin: To say nothing of the schwa.

@Benedick: Add an umlat to make it “metal”.

With regard to colorful archaic sex slang, one of my favorites, since I read “Diary of a Gentleman of Pleasure,” or whatever that piece of filthy victorian porn was that they used to have in every Waldenbooks in every mall back in the 80s, is “gamahuche.” Love what it describes, too.

Somewhat related, this link takes you to a pdf of a document found in the collection of a baseball historian, it is a memo circulated to the players in the year 1897, advising them that they are to refrain from cursing and swearing while playing, and it gives examples of the kind of language to be avoided, very very fun to read: http://s210975194.onlinehome.us/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/05567.JPG

@Prommie: Did you see that Nate Silver of fivethentyeight.com was a senior geek at The Baseball Prospectus?

TJ:
Official unemployment rate in Cali jumps to 9.3%

To which I say, “Only 9.3? It seems higher.”

@redmanlaw: Baseball, teaching statistics to the masses for 100 years.

@SanFranLefty: Hasn’t the unemployment rate been consistently under-reported for some time now? Isn’t the real rate several percentage points higher?

@Benedick: They made major changes way back under Reagan, and more and more. So, yes, the number understates, its more relevant as an indicator of rate of change than of the actual number of unemployed.

@Hose Manikin:

You show up out of nowhere and are brilliant. I adore you.

@Benedick: Someone with better recollection can correct me, but I think they decided that after X weeks, you were no longer “unemployed”, but “not seeking work”. (And then there’s “underemployment”, where you’re working but not enough.)

And yes, the Reagan changes were deliberate statistical hacks to bring down the main rate. So much easier than actually doing something about it.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again:
While adoration is always encouraged, I am not exactly out of nowhere. Simply and prudently operating undercover during the anticipated Obama/Democrat reign of terror.

@blogenfreude: That’s volume two. Volume one by Edward Moore Kennedy.

@Hose Manikin: The matching sweatsuits are a dead giveaway.

@Benedick: Brilliant.

Let me just say that contrary to worries that we would have “nothing to comment about”, this joint is absolutely rocking in the New Hopey world. Yoda Pez won out, again.

@SanFranLefty:

Here’s a little something, which you didn’t hear from me. A major studio–NOT the one I work for, if anyone is reading this from there– is thinking about closing down its’ feature animation department and allowing its’ animated films to be done by a recent acquisition only.

We are horrified.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: Does the expression ‘Pixar’ appear anywhere in this tectonic shift?

@Benedick: I’ll take Dreamworks and Blue Sky for $100.

@Benedick:

Alas, I cannot speak with certainty about anything connected with my employer at all; I must instead direct you to published stockholder reports. As far as I’m concerned the company is making no plans of any kind in that regard. Any rumor you might hear is entirely unsubstantiated.

The English are, I understand, masters of discretion, and must therefore have developed many skills in pursuit of that ideal, have they not? You see what I am saying, I’m sure….

@Benedick: Disney has a feature animation department? I always thought that was a bargaining chip between Eisner and Jobs, and we know who won that fight. Post-acquistion, its days must be numbered.

Oh, and I guess Fox owns Blue Sky. Shows how little attention I’m paying.

@Benedick: I did not think it possible that I could love you more, but I was wrong. Outstanding, sir, outstanding.

@nojo:

One could say that Disney stopped having a real Feature Animation division back in 2000, when they fired all the traditional animators and moved into CG entirely. Our next release- Princess and the Frog– is going back to old school animation, though, so we’ll see.

Incidentally, Princess and the Frog is set in New Orleans and features Disney’s first African-American “Princess”, which, under the reign of Hope, should do very well. So, like I say, we’ll see…

@chicago bureau:

Snort! I’m picturing Blago being dragged out kicking and screaming ala Mink Stole in Serial Mom.

Greatest Courtroom Scene of All Time (totally NSFW):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rD88jrQ1Rd8

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: No offense to Roy, but Fantasia 2000 was a dud.

On the other hand, I must be one of the few souls who enjoy Emperor’s New Groove. Maybe it’s the Tom Jones theme. Or the Eartha Kitt villainess.

@nojo:

OMG, Emperor’s is genius! Probably the only pure comedy Disney ever did in an animated format…but you’re right about Fantasia 2000.

Mr. ‘Catt worked on both those films, and most of the Disney releases in the past 13 years. I’m pretty proud of him….

TJ: Hey y’all, go check your credit card statements on-line to see if you’re part of the group of stolen numbers, said theft was announced on Inauguration Day (talk about hiding bad news). Turns out I’m one of the lucky suckers as I discovered today and have spent hours on the phone with Citicard.

@Hose Manikin: I dug the verb pestork out of the vocabulary of another life when Megan laid down the rules of the CP – no explicit cursing in the headlines. Given how much of our coverage is of various carnal indiscretions, we needed something to describe the making of the beast with two backs. In necessity’s haste, I forgot to research the word’s etymology and thank you for your efforts in this regard. What say you, Stinquers, should we amend the house spelling of the verb to fuck ‘pestork’ (and the noun for penis – ‘pestorker’) to perstork and perstorker?

@SanFranLefty: Cannibal Anarchy imminent!

@SanFranLefty: Well, if the theives were to run up all those credit cards buying consumer goods, it would at least bring some life back to the retail economy.