GOOOOAL!!!

One of the reasons we suspect the rest of the world disdains American football is that we have no sense of style — not just George Will’s violence punctuated by committee meetings, but no feel for proper celebrating. Endzone dances just don’t cut it.

Not when you consider Dino Drpic, a vowel-deprived Croation futboller who made a smashing midfield play with his wife recently.

“Dino had arranged that people should turn on the stadium lights for us,” said future Bond Girl nominee Nives Celsius, “and he finally fulfilled his dream of having sex in the middle of a football pitch. It was very naughty.”

And effective: The Croats later wasted England 2-0 at the now-consecrated Zagreb stadium.

Upon reflection, though, such things are best left to the Europeans. John Madden would have ruined the moment by scribbling over the replay.

Croatian footballer who had sex on pitch with glamour model wife transfer listed [Telegraph UK]
41 Comments

The style element of American football is wrecked by the NFL and NCAA with their stupid 15-yard “excessive celebration” flags. However, I doubt even Chad Johnson would have thought of this.

Madden would have drawn a penis on the damn thing, then rambled on about penetrating the backline. Would have been no different from his regular commentary.

As for Ms. Celsius…yeah, she could set me to boiling. Definite WAG.

@Signal to Noise:
I think Madden would have shrieked about the sanctity of the game and how disgraceful it is to have two people fucking their brains out on such a “holy” place.

From what I’ve seen of Ms Celsius (heh) agreed.

How many shots on goal did he get that night?

Sex on a soccer field? Reminds me of high school. Woo hoo!

Sport.

The Croats later wasted England 2-0. Like that’s a hard thing to do. They probably offered beer and crisps.

One of the reasons we suspect the rest of the world disdains American football is that we have no sense of style . No, Darling, it’s because it’s so totally gay.

Put some big padded steroid Mercan monster up against some vagrant rugger bugger and he’d be said rugger bugger’s buggered bugger. The rest of the world thinks that mercan spandex-sissy-ball is one step away from Blackwater and is suitably appalled. Which is why you have to play it by yourselves, one-handed, while watching the big screen, popcorn grease soaking your haines briefs.

@Benedick:
When you say it like that…

Isn’t it much like rassling, too? Two overly muscled grown men in spandex grabbing each other?

Madden: “Now what you have here is a guy who’s more of a finesse player. But he surprises see. Look at what he does here. (draws arrow from Drpic’s pecker to Celcius’s vadge) A little to the left and then BOOM! he crashes across the line. Now that’s what I call a hit.”

Later on SportsCenter … Chris Berman shows the replay: “Dino ‘Flintstone’ Drpic could. go. all. the. way. with Nieves ’10 degrees’ Celcius ‘and dropping.’ Tom, back to you.”

With the lights on, thats different. Hasn’t anyone seen the importance of this detail? Oh, I got a girl down to the 50 yard line of Florida Field, I did not score a touchdown, but I did get 3 points, as it were.

But with the lights on? That brings it to a different level.

ATTENTION: OK, its all very well and good to trade bons mot over some semi-celebrities’ act of adventurous sex.

No, to make it interesting, we must explore the phenomenon, as in manisfests among ourselves. What is the collective experience of us stinquers with such adventures?

Who among us has done the old “50 yard line?” The beach? Top of the mountain? Where else? Surely we have a trove of stories.

@Promnight: It means there has to be a video floating around somewhere.

@homofascist: Oh, you know it, once you tell someone else, “hey, turn on the lights so I can do some pestorking on the field,” shit, the dude probably brought his family to watch, how could it not have been videotaped.

Ever see the film floating around the nets of the couple pestorking up in the empty bleachers during a baseball game?

@Promnight:
Alas, no. All my perstorking was in private. Unless you count the time I was ready to jump out of a 3rd or 5th story balcony naked if the husband came home early (that’s another story.)

Oh Holy Fuck, Hopey is becoming my hero, another line he threw at the republican leaders today, my God, this is amazing:

“You can’t just listen to Rush Limbaugh and get things done,” he told top GOP leaders, whom he had invited to the White House to discuss his nearly $1 trillion stimulus package.

One White House official confirmed the comment but said he was simply trying to make a larger point about bipartisan efforts.”

Holy shit, someone, the fucking president, is fucking telling the fucking truth, holy fuck.

@Promnight:
The infamous 1990 incident at the Skydome (damned if I ever call it the Rogers/Rogering Centre) where a couple decided to fuck in the hotel room facing the playing field with the curtains open. Everyone who takes those rooms has to sign a form saying no public performances.

@ManchuCandidate: Now Manchu, some men, for some reason, seem to somehow continually get involved with involved women. This is not the first time you have said something like this. I am sensitive to it because I seem to have had a tendency in this direction in my life. I lost my virginity to my roommates girlfriend, and he’s still married to her, and that was just the first.

@ManchuCandidate: The one I am talking about, this guy and this dude are up under the top deck in a part of the stadium with noone else around, and he has her straddle him in the seat, she has a skirt on, like they think noone would know what they are doing, one of the TV cameras caught it and zoomed in and caught the whole thing.

@Promnight:
It was my blunder. I didn’t know when things first heated up. Turns out she was in a loveless marriage and wanted something hubby didn’t give her. Problem I was desperate to not say no.

She liked the thrill of the chance of getting caught whereas I do not especially if the hubby in question is a very large muscle bound man with a temper and a willingness to hurt the hell out of me.

I was kinda freaked out and paranoid for a couple of months and never done that since.

@ManchuCandidate:
Also, probably the same one.

I’ve been hit on by married women before, but all but once declined. Partially out of fear. Partially because I was inept. Partially, I try to avoid messy entanglements.

The informal National Forest slogan is “Land of Many Uses”.

That is all.

@ManchuCandidate: I have learned, my son, its something to be avoided. There are some out there who love the intrigue, and the danger. And you believe them with all your heart when they say “I have never done this before,” “I have never felt this way before,” and in that moment, those statements are probably true even in their minds, no matter the reality. And in every case where I have fallen into a situation where I am involved with someone who is involved, they have always, always, manouevered some situation in which the three of us are in the same room, it seems to be a compulsion. In every instance, I got a cold chill, a fleeting thought, “she is enjoying this, parading me before her boyfriend/husband,” and yet, because in no such case was I playing, I fell into these situations sincerely, and simply because here was a person I was so attracted to, and they made me believe that there relationship they were in was de facto over, and I wasn’t the cause, and I was in love, or so believed, and I would push that creepy feeling down, and believe that she had never done this before, and this was love, not someone’s drama and escape from a boring life. Or someone’s number 6 out of a stream of such dalliances, simply because thats what they were into. God I felt sorry for those husbands.

Its not just chicks who fall victim to philandering spouses who sweet talk them this way, I had such low self-esteem, and was so completely vulnerable to anyone who knew even the basics of stroking an insecure ego.

This was all in my 20s, and now, from maturity, I finally see what was going on, and I am fascinated by it. Its so amazing, how you can be so clueless.

@Promnight:
Wise words. When it comes to sex/relationships, ignorance is hell.

I consider myself somewhat lucky I sort of learned without getting my head (probably deservedly) beaten in.

I once perstorked a girl standing up in the surf in Florida. My thighs were marble then. She was lissome and blonde. I was an animal in rut. People shone their car headlights on us as we perstorked. There was a certain amount of cheering. Does that cunt? Count?

@Benedick: It not only counts, its a classic, Benedick.

Was it Daytona, where the cars park right there on the beach, and thus could shine their lights, as it were, on you?

@Dodgerblue: You mean “Don’t shit where you eat?”

Very serious question here; am I seeing one small effect on one’s daily life caused by Obama’s election?

I am watching Comedy Central, and its a rerun of a roast of Bob Sagget. And they are saying “fuck.” On basic cable. Never, never before in my life have I heard “fuck” on basic cable.

Am I crazy here, is the impact that quick, that comedy central would change their policy within a week?

@Promnight: Or, don’t dip your pen in the company ink.

@Promnight: Could be a time of day thing. No “fucks” before 11pm or after 4 am.

@Promnight: I was 18 with a hardon that could cut glass. She was German, all angles and softness. It was Jacksonville way. The ocean was warm. The tide was out and the water was just below my knees. We ran into the surf losing what clothes we had. The night was velvet dark. She clung to me. I thrust my hips forward and she wrapped her svelte thighs around my hips as I thrust my manhood deep into her welcoming warmhole. Then the lights hit us from the cars parked on the beach. Should we duck down or brave the exposure? I couldn’t wait. I needed to unload a secret from the deepest partof me to the deepest part of her. So I stood proud and gave her all of my teenboy prong till we came and collapsed into the surf. Next most memorable time with her was making out in a thunderstorm: I was on top of her as lightning, etc, rent the sky. And the rain that came through leaky skylight streaked my back as I buried myself deep within her.

Johnny Earle: call me. srsly.

@Benedick:
ZOMG, has it already been a year since you were writing your Johnny Earl poetry during New Hampshire? Your essay about the ride in the truck was a thing of beauty. I may have to brave the CP archives to dig that one up.

@SanFranLefty: Yeah but here I’m sharing with you a tender early romance with a woman I did not treat well. Apart from the perstorking which was formidable. And this is truish.

Had it been Johhny Earl I could have shown him a whole new world of one on one wrestling. (‘No’ is just another way to say ‘Yes’) But it was not to be. Yet.

@Promnight: Comedy Central’s been fucking it up for quite awhile now. They frequently run a fuckfest at 1 a.m. Sunday, they’ve let South Park cut loose a couple of times, and even Jon Stewart got a permission slip when he interviewed the author of “On Bullshit.”

@nojo: And speaking of fuckfests, Ann-Margret’s on TCM right now.

@Benedick: My goodness! Makes my story about prestorking on the beach seem tame my comparison.

Have you guys ever been on a field with stadium lights on? VERY unflattering. I would have just brought a couple of candles and stuck them in the pitch.

Wow! I’m glad I read the article. Mainly because there’s a picture of Drpic, who is yummy-looking, a Croatian ILF. He and his wife live a life “crowded with incident,” don’t they? Complete with “a British couple trying to snatch their long-haired blond son” whom the Brits thought might be the missing Madeleine McCann, this occurring when the vowel-deprived Drpics were vacationing on the vowel-deprived island, Krk.

Our local paper (The Herald-Times, Bloomington, Indiana)has a story this morning just made for Stinque After Dark. The headline: Cell-hopping for sex not an escape, judge rules. Involved were six inmates of the Greene County (Indiana) jail, three women (ages 21, 26, and 27) and three men (ages 17, 38, and 44). “A court document detailing how the inmates traveled through the ceiling indicated that the women used a metal shower drain cover to pry ceiling tiles loose. They then would place a plastic laundry hamper on one of the bunks and hoist themselves into the ceiling, then drop down into the men’s cell. The men apparently visited the women, too, reversing the route.” The lede paragraph: “They may have crawled through the jail ceiling, consumed jail-brewed alcohol and engaged in jailhouse sex, but the six Greene County inmates investigators charged with felony escape in connection with the incidents never left the jail.” Further along in the story, “an inmate [what a killjoy!] not involved in the sneaking around at night told the sheriff the women appeared in the men’s cell block at least 15 times during September and October.”

@Promnight: Thank you, thank you for reporting this to us. (the you can’t just listen to Limbaugh line) Where did you learn about it? I hope those brainless, heartless idiots were suitably abashed. What am I saying? Of course they weren’t abashed, they’re brainless, heartless idiots!

My speciality was getting caught by the cops in flagrante delicto. Happened to me 3 times.

@ManchuCandidate: this is John Madden we’re talking about, not Joe Buck.

Buck would be horrified and disgusted unless it involved Tony Romo boning Jessica Simpson in the middle of Jerry Jones’ new $1 billion-plus monstrosity of a stadium.

@Jamie Sommers: (stands, applauds)

On Monday Night Countdown, while re-capping the action, Tom Jackson would talk about how Celsius’ vag got “JACKED UP!”

@lynnlightfoot: I wonder how much they charge per week and do they have any ‘cells’ available any time in the near future?

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