Sunday NFL Thread With Bonus PUMA

Blogenfreude, you get props for the Cardinals’ pick, as Jake Delhomme’s arm is apparently still made of papier-mache.

@Signal to Noise: In the back of my mind I was thinking “by less than a touchdown” – but who could have predicted the blowout?

TJ/ Sport? Again? Really?

OK. On the scandal front (oh please oh please), Michael Rogers, intrepid outer of closeted gay-bashers, is writing of a ‘dossier’ he has been sent that is full of ‘incendiary’ material. He is hiring private investigators ON BOTH COASTS, people. Speculation at the site is running along the Grahame/Crist/McConnell axis of evil and any one of them would be fine. Also mentioned are Warren and Osteen. I’m not saying, I’m just saying.

You heard it here frist.

(See what I did there?)

@Benedick: McConnell would be best – it might break his will to obstruct.

@blogenfreude: Ya think?

@Benedick: Yes, Sport. And glitzy drunken awards shows, if anyone cares to manage that. Stinque contains multitudes.

@Benedick: Please let it be McConnell, if only because he’s married to the outgoing Labor Secretary.

I’m in for the football and the Globes. I saw a few minutes of the second game last night but the real blowout occurred later at my poker game. I got killed twice on low hands where other people had Ace Deuce, and twice on high hands when other people had 4 of a kind.

McNabb just wasted an excellent kickoff return by throwing an interception to a fat lineman. Oy.

I’d just like to throw in my towel as well — no more PUMAs please. The ol’ brain can only take so much wall-eyed muslim-hating crazy.

@Signal to Noise: Chao is totally a beard.
@Dodgerblue: I know – I really enjoyed that.

Now why is this? We watched Stop Loss last night. Thought it a really fine movie; extremely well directed, acted and written. I think its deep subject is masculinity and its costs – but that’s a different thread. Now why wasn’t that movie nominated instead of the tripe that is? And why do movies about Iraq not do well? The OH reckons it’s because the country isn’t invested in them in the way we all were over vietnam. Another legacy of Bush: fucks up the Golden Globes.

@Signal to Noise: It’s not too much to hope for, is it? Is it?

@Benedick:
I can explain that.

Stop Loss was marketed by the MTV (!) morans as a buddy buddy flick + war movie. Not a painful look at Iraq and what it is doing to the MTV demographic.

Lots of children, er, people still want to believe the mess in Iraq was pure and good and don’t like the truth.

I think that Stop Loss will be something akin to what happened to the Korean War movie “The Bridges At Toko-Ri” staring William Holden, Mickey Rooney and Grace Kelly. At the time, no one liked the sad ending and it bombed. Now it is recognized as a great movie.

My scriptwriter buddy is pissed as hell about that mess because it helped flush one of his script (about US in Afghanistan) down the crapper.

@Benedick: Manchu nailed the Stop Loss marketing.

As for Iraq movies in general, recall that other than John Wayne, we didn’t see Vietnam movies until years after the fact. Plus — and this goes for 9/11 movies as well — what can a movie tell us that we don’t already know? (The folks who don’t want to know ain’t seeing those movies anyway.)

At best, a confection like Iron Man is going to do a drive-by, but that’s all yer gonna get for now.

OK, this is total BS: My liveblog hopes are dashed by the effing tape delay broadcast on the west coast. Who knows where I can watch live online? BTW, I only really care about the fashion. I haven’t seen anything nominated. The ones I want to see (Milk, Revolutionary Road) haven’t played here in small town USA. Only thing I’ve seen in a movie theatre here is that Indiana Jones thing when Mr Cyn’s son was here.

@Mistress Cynica: Now imagine McMinnville without Netflix and the Internet.

@Mistress Cynica: Try the Globes website. I’m sure they’ll be streaming it.

@ManchuCandidate: I thought it was a fine script. There was a scene missing at the end but even so. And boy! Does it ever warn you what playing football in high school can lead to.

But if they must have these stupid awards at least pick something good. R Phillipe was sensational.

@nojo: I thought it was very interesting about what masculinity means. And the trap it becomes. I haven’t seen it quite so well articulated.

And for best foreign it would have to be Four months, three weeks, two days.. An amazingly well done movie that really did tell you things you didn’t know. And might have been happier not finding out.

I won’t be watching. I get too impatient watching everyone dance on their graves.

@Mistress Cynica: Damn it, they don’t show it live? I forgot…

Also, Rupert Murdoch hates me because I cannot get FOX to watch the football game. Cable fritzes out on FOX. Then again, this will motivate me to go do something outside, it’s ridiculously gorgeous weather for a January weekend and I shouldn’t be in the house. (It’s so warm the guys next door are nude sunbathing out on their deck – which is under my balcony).

@Benedick:

Oh wow, Stop Loss caused one of the most furious movie reviews for the ages:

http://www.alternet.org/movies/81161/%27stop_loss%27%3A_patriotic_bluster_dressed_up_as_a_protest_movie/

“Having just taken a baseball bat upside the skull, Brandon has a neat semi-circular cut on his forehead. He follows his military training and goes to the motel bathroom mirror to doctor himself up. That’s when the hometown hottie insists on tending his wounds in an erotic manner, just the way it always happens in life. After watching this scene, you might ask yourself, what’s behind this fierce commitment to authenticity on the part of the director, Kimberly Peirce? Well, it turns out her brother fought in Iraq, which inspired her to bring this unvarnished portrayal of the veteran’s experience to the screen. I’m assuming her brother is a pretty awesome guy. And her brother’s army buddies, they’re all awesome guys, and their families and communities are awesome, and the heartland they live in, super-awesome, and the tradition of signing up no-questions-asked to defend your country is, again, awesome, and the military is the mother of all awesomeness, and … what was our problem again?”

@Mistress Cynica: CNN or E! Online might be your best bet, or perhaps BBC or whatever Canadian outfit might be inclined to cover it. A quick Google search for “Golden Globes” and “webcast” turned up this website, which aggregates feeds from various sources, but it may also operate on a delay. Hope you’re able to find something!

Manning throws 2 picks, looks like Brett Favre, and you guys are talking MOVIES? I am going mad ….

@Original Andrew: That’s just stupid. Is there any occupation more futile than reviewing movies? Can’t even muster the courage to go out and try to make one. Merely to have opinions. And to demonstrate his own superiority to the director’s and writer’s.

The movie’s about working class America being duped by upper-class America using the twin trap of patriotism and manhood. The men in it aren’t supposed to be ‘likeable’ and you can’t make a movie in the US without pretty people. You can hardly make one anywhere without pretty people these days. The hero has a physical connection with the place he was born. It’s very Thomas Hardy. But that’s what stops him escaping. And by the movie’s end you have very little confidence he’ll ever see Texas again.

The fight is very well done. And if we can believe the Captain can sew up his cheek in Pan’s Labyrinth I think we might be allowed to believe that Brandon as played by Mr. Phillipe could clip his brow together.

I think it’s a fine film. And it’s a long time since I’ve seen an American movie I’d say that about.

@blogenfreude: Eagles defense looked solid. Offense line needs to step up their pass protection. Manning will have a few quiet months now to work on his accuracy.

@blogenfreude: Now is this the one where they have the bat or the one where they wear padding? Or the one where they wear those funny culottes and bounce the big round ball? Or the skating one?

@Benedick: The padding thing. The best use of HD TV, except maybe for the Red Carpet. I played a lot of football as a kid, mostly without padding, just for the sheer hell of it. Same for the culottes game, except we wore them shorter in those days. If you’re even in need of a good laugh, surf over to ESPN Classic and watch a few minutes of a basketball game from the 70s. Also played the stick game. Managed to read a few books in between.

@Benedick: It’s the one where the players, in a show of manly affection, pat each other on the ass quite frequently. Oh, wait…

@blogenfreude: Kevin Gilbride is a moron when it comes to play-calling. You run a QB sneak on 4th down when you have a 6’4″, 264 lb. locomotive at running back?

Now I’m amazed the Giants won a Super Bowl last year with him calling plays. The Jersey boys must want to bring Buddy Ryan up from Oklahoma to punch Gilbride in the face again.

@Benedick: it would be lovely, McConnell as one of those old, closeted men.

@blogenfreude: We were just trying to spare your feelings. But the Giants really stunk up the joint. Does that make you feel better?

@Benedick: “Masculinity” becomes a trap because guys try to find meaning in it. There’s nothing unique or special about being a guy. It just happens.

But while we’re subverting Sport Chat, it comes to mind that the big Vietnam movies were all criticized for not being about Vietnam: Coming Home was about Jane Fonda backpedaling on Hanoi, Deer Hunter was about Gook Torture Porn, Apocalypse Now was about updating Conrad, Full Metal Jacket was about God knows what (something to do with invading the north of England), and Platoon was about how many times Oliver Stone can loop Adagio for Strings in 120 minutes. Nobody captured the Thing Itself, perhaps because nobody could agree on what the Thing Itself amounted to.

Hey, I called the Iggles. Now, I expect my Stinquers to show the Steelers some love. Mojo, you’re excused, but no plastic fingers okay?

@nojo: I see your point. You must have gotten a lot of reading done. What was your record time for getting to PDX?

@nabisco: Just dare me to animate it.

@Mistress Cynica: 45 minutes. But when you consider a 50-hour job (plus one Saturday a month), that 90-minute round trip wasn’t worth the trouble.

But happily there was Quality Paperback Book Club, which took the edge off things. I wasn’t paying attention to Powell’s back then, and my one visit to a McMinnville book shop brought the unwelcome discovery that all they stocked were used paperback mysteries.

@homofascist: No.

But I’m tempted to root for Dah Iggles at this point – McNabb deserves a ring for the magnificent career he’s had (pissing off teams I hate).

Great runback by the Steelers, featuring the usual pathetic attempt at a tackle by the kicker and a photographer getting flattened. Now, that’s football.

@blogenfreude: Remember, he blew chunks in 04. He deserves no more than a contract extension (Holmes scored! Holmes scored!)

@nojo: I still haven’t been to the big Powell’s in Portland, though I did wreak some havoc at the garden book store on Hawthorne. The local bookstore is pretty good now, and so is the library. Also helps to be middle-aged and in a relationship rather than a single 20-something.

@nojo: “Masculinity” becomes a trap because guys try to find meaning in it. There’s nothing unique or special about being a guy. It just happens.. That’s true, God knows. But there is a social construction that is clearly v important. I think it’s why Brokeback caused such a furor. Because it challenged socially accepted ideas of what it means to be a man. The fundies are all about putting women in their place and being a Man and shit. It’s all deeply strange.

You’re right about those Vietnam movies. I hadn’t realized. the only one I really really liked was Full Metal Jacket. And Apocalypse. What’s not to like? Buddy of mine was hired for like a four day shoot and was on it for over a year. Good times.

@mellbell: While wearing the skin tight spandex, right…

@Dodgerblue: Feel free to mock the theatre any time. Though, between you and me, I can’t think what you could find about it to mock. It’s all practically perfect.

That’s a Curtain, baby!

The perfect combination of sport and fashion from out friends at the Onion:
Tim Gunn Takes Wizards Shopping For Less Hideous Uniforms.

@Mistress Cynica: See, I thought McMinnville was a college town before I moved there, just a smaller Eugene. I soon discovered the truth, but it was too late.

@Benedick: Yeah, I know the Guy Thing is out there, although I’ve never understood it, much less bought into it. On the other hand, it has been brought to my attention that I hate asking strangers for directions.

@Benedick:

I dunno, I enjoy reading the reviews if they’re cleverly written. One of my faves was for that Johnny Depp movie Blow. The reviewer simply wrote “add an s,” and I about fell over. I’m easily amused, obvs.

@Dodgerblue: One of my dad’s favorite pictures of me is from about age 10, taking a swing at a pitch. The bat’s about here, and the ball is a foot above it.

I totally identified with Charlie Brown growing up.

@nojo: My son and daughter appear to have inherited my mediocre athletic abilities. The difference is that they don’t care.

@Original Andrew: Sorry, they make me nuts. Occupational hazard. I still want to piss on Frank Rich. And then vomit on him. Imagine living your life under the heel of George Will’s stupid, pretentious closeted brother and you’ll pretty much see how it makes me feel.

@nabisco: That’s a Grand Drape to you, mister.

@Mistress Cynica: What is it with those strange culottey things they wear? They must get in the way when you run. Is it just fashion or is it so you don’t display your junk when you do the jumpy hoopey thing?

@Benedick: I love the theater. And thanks in part to my daughter Emma, I know more about musical theater than any other straight man in Los Angeles. I had the privilege of seeing the revival of Sweeney Todd in NYC a couple of years ago — the best night of theater in my lifetime. I also find beauty in sports, which I mostly can’t play any more due to age and decrepitude.

That was a trap by Jackson, not a catch. IMHO.

Meanwhile, Black Eagle announces the choices for First Dog have been narrowed to two breeds, the Portuguese Water Dog (Ted Kennedy has a couple) or Laberdoodle, both of which I had opined were good because they don’t shed much.

@SanFranLefty: “We’re closing in on it,” he said, adding, “This has been tougher than finding a Commerce secretary.”

[Insert gag about vetting the dog.]

@Dodgerblue: Steelers are beginning to impose their will on the Bolts. And speaking of theater-sports-beauty, Lynn Swann took ballet to improve his athleticism. Since it was the 70s, of course he was laughed at.

I enjoy theater, but not those big musical production numbers (sorry, Benedick). In high school I had an English teacher who wrote her own annual plays that I was in, scored by our local prodigy Gary Shocker who ended up at Julliard. It was a great way to meet girls.

@nojo:
The Obama Family dog will be better vetted than McCain’s VP pick (and have considerably fewer ticks and fleas.)

K@nabisco:Phil Simms just stole my line!

@nabisco:
A prof of mine used to figure skate (!) for the same reason.

Being young and dumb, I thought he was foolish. Now? I wish I had thought of that.

@ManchuCandidate: Not to mention way more intelligence and humanity.

@Benedick: Back in the 70s they wore super-tight short shorts — barely more than what the female volleyball payers wear now. I can see them wanting a little more coverage (I was fine with the bun-huggers, personally), but now they look like 1920s female tennis players in skirts. I’m thinking they followed the loose/baggy/oversized “street” or “hiphop” fashion or whatever the kids — who should Get. Off. My. Lawn. — call it these days.

@nabisco: Was he mocked? My recollection is that Lynn Swann legitimized Ballet for Dudes. Then again, I didn’t pay much more attention to football than I do now.

@nojo: Although — come to think of it — I did enjoy the local sports columnist, Blaine Newnham, who was intelligent and perceptive, and not at all a cheerleader for the local teams. He later graduated to the city desk, his successor didn’t quite have the edge, and I found other things to amuse myself.

@nojo: There were snickers. Pittsburgh in the 70s, you know. Plus he was hurt a lot, which was perceived as soft by the lunchpail crowd.

Interception by Harrison, whoo hoo!

Predicted 3/4, but I would have gladly gone 1/4 to save teh Giants. Meh.

The fucking tragedy of masculinity isn’t war, going to war, shit, thats the ultimate arena on which “masculinity” acts out, but the vaster field is in the everyday lives of the men, or is it boys, preoccupation with being “masculine” enough is not something I associate with being “Manly.” I prefer the word “mensch” with what I think of as the male ideal.

But the real tragedy, which affects so many more than the half-million or so who are being cycled in and out of Iraq, is played out in the daily lives of the boys who never grow up and think being a man is the same as being macho. Its an angry belligerence and a constant concern with pecking order, who’s tougher, who’s meaner. Its a rejection of intimacy and embracing a culture in which the only accepted expression of affection with other men is by means of vicious insults and accusations of homosexuality.

And worst of all, its an awful, deep, nasty misogyny. Men caught up in the cult of masculinity, of macho, they seem to me to hate women. They pursue women, sex, not even from normal healthy libido, exultation in horniness, no, they only set out to “conquer,” to achieve a “Tuesday night takedown,” they seek sexual “conquest” solely as a means to achieve the admiration of their male peers. I don’t really think its a normal heterosexuality, its not based on desire for, love and appreciation for, women, its all about maintaining respect among the other men. They don’t seek love from women, except that it allows them to crow to the other men, “Hey, look what I got.”

Thats the tragedy of the common conception of masculinity.

Dogfight was a movie that went there. Catch and Release.