Christokleptcy Plagues Nativity Scenes
A wave of unacknowledged miracles is sweeping the country, as untold numbers of Baby Jesuses are walking away from the nation’s nativity scenes. But rather than recognize God’s wrath against scientists for attempting to reschedule the virgin birth to June, officials are conspiring to attribute the disappearances to common thieves.
A rundown of the latest shocking reports:
- In Athens, Georgia, bandits swiped a white-jumpsuited Lord from His manger for the second straight year. “I don’t know what kind of person would steal a baby Jesus,” said owner Richy Huston. Police valued Our Savior at $13.
- In Eureka Springs, Arkansas, a concrete block and chain proved no deterrent for a baby heist that also included the manger. “I support anybody that takes the baby Jesus,” said 2005 godnapper Virginia Voiers, “but I did not nor did I encourage anybody to.”
- In Canton, Ohio, Christina Auvil set a seven-foot inflatable nativity scene in her front yard on a Saturday afternoon. By Sunday morning, it was gone.
- And in Kittanning, Pennsylvania, vandals got their Peanuts specials confused when they replaced Jesus in the manger with a pumpkin.
Perhaps the most unsettling development is the lack of faith displayed by nativity landlords: Instead of relying on the power of prayer to get Jesus back in the crib, they’re resorting to tagging the King of Kings with GPS devices.
GPS technology used to track baby Jesus [Chicago Sun-Times]
Dog Nativity [Collections Etc.]