If You Can Read This, You’re Cheating
You’re not supposed to be cruising the Internet today (Tip #6), so we brought in Jack Chick to provide additional incentive.
Birds and the Bees [Chick Publications]
Day Without a Gay [Join the Impact]
Hey self-righteous little girl, didn’t the whole Sodom and Gomorrah story end with Lot getting stoned/drugged so he could impregnate his daughters with his seed?
As we know from the saga of the Egyptian Pharoahs, various European monarchs and hillbillies from various locales all around the world that keeping your family tree a straight line isn’t a good thing.
Since I’m a Reformed not an Orthodox Gay I can type today and check out sites of ‘interest’.
We were going to go and buy a car but I told the other half that we can do nothing on this sacred day of atonement. So the new Prius will have to wait. BTW. We’ve got a Chrysler and I like it. But we also have a Prius which is FANTASTIC. Which is why we’re getting another and why we’re selling the Chrysler.
There’s a 6 month waiting list. If GM made such a good car (there’s about 138,000 on the odometer) they would have waiting-lists too. Sad but true.
I sent this to the nice folks at Chick-Lit:
I was looking for a tract to warn my children against the evils of credit cards and mortgages. Since usury is a sin and since credit is usury I was expecting to find something to teach them with. I’ve already taught them to hate the gays but I want to teach them to hate the VISA.
I dumbed down the grammar so they wouldn’t know it was from a Gay.
I’m still wondering how many straight people would call in to work today with a case of fabulous.
(someone, somewhere, is considering it.)
Meanwhile, back in Chicago, the Tribune reports today (page 1,267) that an attempt to pass a civil unions bill before the next legislature gets in has stalled. (I’m clueless as to why.) Obvious caveats from the gay rights spokesboi about how civil unions are not universally accepted in The Community — sound the herald trumpets — but disappointment expressed nonetheless.
(Notable: Illinois has this strange practice of sometimes having the outgoing legislature meet in the last few days of their term to pass laws which the Governor quickly signs — even when there is no transfer-of-power situation. If I remember right, a sexual orientation discrimination ban was passed in such a way fairly recently.)
But also: Birthday Horoscope in today’s Sun-Times, for today’s extra special birthday boy, Rod B. — “you will get to know many new people this year and will take great pleasure in learning as much as you can about them.” Rod can definitely grease the skids (ahem) by signing a fabulously gay bill.
(On second thought — that would probably do more harm than good. Root for Pat Quinn to warm up his writing hand.)
Meanwhile, the AP (Repub) is trying to tie in the Unicorn with Grabby Blaggy as Repugs hope in vain that Blaggy was bestest pals with “Motherfucker who only gives me grattitude.”
BTW. Susy’s do in above comic? NGF. (Not Gay Friendly) She needs to hire Palin’s stylists ASAP.
I used to be scared of the Chick tracts as a confused teenager who still believed in conservative Christianity. Now, I just find them delightfully amusing.
I wonder in the back of my mind whether this guy takes himself seriously, or if he’s been doing this stuff in a satireific manner for years and we just don’t know about it.
Also, Suzy has some scary, scary eyes. Did she come back from the eye doctor after having her pupils dilated?
rptrcub: Well, there’s the whole anti-Catholic, anti-Semetic vein of the Chick media empire. But there’s no need to overanalyze. Just call Susy a hateful little bitch who will probably become a vacant, socially-acceptable-drug-addled suburbanite who will never truly know joy or pain, and leave it at that.
Now that I noticed (I’m not having a good day picking stuff up here thanks to a lack of sleep) but yes we are talking Village of the Damned/Campbell Soup Kid Creepy Eyes.
@rptrcub: Neo-Anime. Or anime avant la lettre.
Musical theatre will just have to survive without me for one day. She’s a harsh mistress. Not unlike Susy. BTW, what’s with that spelling? Is that some kind of Southron fundie Okie version of the more usual Libtard Susie?
@chicago bureau: She will get into a strange S&M affair with her preacher, which will end when she butchers him with a machete hidden in a pants leg after she meets him behind the Piggly Wiggly where they were enjoying their afternoon trysts in the open dumpster. She’ll skip town and take up the life of a meth-head and part-time prostitute, keeping herself pure by murdering all her customers and disposing of their bodies at a local public housing project where a friend is the janitor and lends her the incinerator. She buys a garage at the edge of town with electricity and has a friend tap the pipe of a local business for fresh water. There, she resurrects herself as Justine, the Avenger, who specializes in hunting down pederast priests, beheading them and putting their heads up so they can, in the last few minutes of consciousness, witness the horror of their bodies being disemboweled and their gonads being nailed to the wall. “You talk to god, right, asshole? He must have told you I was coming,” she’ll sneer.
Wasn’t this a Roger Corman or Russ Meyers movie?
TJ – copied from AP wire copy at work on the auto bailout:
“Sen. David Vitter of Louisiana vows to filibuster the measure. He says the package has a backwards approach to curing what ails the U.S. auto industry. His move could delay a final vote for days.”
Oh, please let the Original Sinner and his ugly hooker-lovin’ mug be the face of a filibuster. I don’t ask for much for Christmas.
@ManchuCandidate: At least three each.
@Signal to Noise: Maybe he’ll read his personal diary into the Congressional record during the filibuster.
@Signal to Noise & FlyingChainSaw: Vitter was told that a filibuster would finally send the Big Three and the UAW down the crapper, leaving the playing field clear for non-union, foreign made cars that they build down South.
They had Vitter at “crapper.”
I remember when I saw my first anti-gay Chick Tract at a friend’s house when I was like 13.
It bravely warned me in panel after detailed panel of all the terrible, Tom of Finland-style, horny muscle bears I was gonna be screwing when I grew up (a different guy every night!).
Of course it all ends in Hayell, but whatta way to go!
To put it in perspective, try telling a 13 year-old straight boy that he’s gonna have it off with Jeri Ryan or Angelina Jolie every night then receive eternal damnation—of course, he’d instantly sign right up for Saytan’s Babe Buffet. These Chick Tract fuckahs have absolutely no sense.
@mellbell: It’s already played DC. Though not the official production. But we’re playing Baltimore in April, I think.
I have introduced my gays to the genius that it Jack Chick. They now want to throw a Jack Chick party. Heaven help us.
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