It’s the Water, and a Lot More

You’ll pardon our very Seventies and very Northwest reference to a popular beer jingle. Because beer jingles remind us of Jingle Bells, and Northwest Jingle Bells lead to this:

Three signs that criticize atheism went on display near a Nativity set Friday, the same day someone stole an atheists’ engraving that had been placed nearby. The atheists’ placard celebrates the winter solstice and criticizes religion as myth and superstition — wording that has enraged some Christians and even irritated Gov. Chris Gregoire.

That would be the display at the Washington State Capitol in Olympia, which has given Bill O’Reilly fuel for his annual Holiday Bloviation Celebration (“It wouldn’t happen in California with Schwarzenegger”) during a traditionally slow news month. Sponsored by the Freedom from Religion Foundation, the sign reads in part, “There is only our natural world. Religion is but myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds.”

Not that we disagree, but we’ve always been wary of organized atheism. What’s the point of freeing yourself from spiritual tyranny just to continue obsessing about it? There’s nothing worse than a convert.

In any event, the solstice sign is back with a new “Thou Shalt Not Steal” sticker on it. Yet amid all the pointed pointlessness, state employee Jim Buenzli is celebrating the spirit of Evergreen State College alums Lynda Barry and Matt Groening: He’s applied to display a Festivus pole.

Rival religious displays crowd Washington State capitol [McClatchy]

Round up all the usual Artesians.

If you think things are going to be fucked up just wait till Scientology demands to have their Battlefield Earth tableau with Baby L. Ron and Tom Cruise.

I celebrated Festivus all these years without knowing it. Especially the airing of grievances at the dinner table.

BTW, who the hell voted for Sarah on the poll? A howler monkey is loud, flings poo, way cheaper to dress and is about as intelligent.

There is something obnoxious about any belief system that defines itself in terms of what it is against. Its also kinda inherently contradictory to say you don’t celebrate christmas because its a superstition, and then demand equal space in the Christmas display.

Notable: the other Freedom From Religion Foundation non-holiday placard is posted in the State Capitol in Madison, Wis. — approximately three blocks from their national HQ. (At said HQ, they record a positively dreadful weekly radio show. I listened to about five minutes of it on Air America a while back and had to switch it off. I think the adjective I’m looking for is “cloying,” but that might not be it.)

Also at the Wisconsin State Capitol, Gov. Jim Doyle (D-ish) used to put up a Festivus pole. Huge Seinfeld fan. But he took it down after Michael Richards when all racist on us.

TJ, anyone seen brand W’s post about “Why Daddy is a Republican?” Its a self-published book, it teaches the “tenants” of the republican party, its truly amazing, through the looking glass and well worth a look :

Bear-Whizz Beer: Its in the Water.

Prommie: “Tenants” of the Republican Party. Snaps to that wingnut for the unintentional funny.

(Speaking of unintentionally funny: SCOTUS spikes rightwing wacko nutjob’s application for stay of Electoral College voting, world spinning on axis, etc., on account of crackpot claim that Barry Hussein Soetoro Osama Muhammad al-Qaeda Obama II, Terrorist-Lover, was born in Kenya. 9-0 shutout. No further appellate court available. Have a nice day. (Yawn.))

@Prommie: What’s with the Bimini Top on the bird? He thinks the bald eages are sensitive about the sun?

@chicago bureau: The Reagan and Bush appointees have assurances the teams are already in place to take care of Obama and that litigious adventurism isn’t yet required. They could always revisit it later, if the teams fail or are found out before they have a chance to take Obama out.

@chicago bureau:
To quote the Watchman’s Doc Manhatten:
“It never ends.”

They’ll keep shrieking like Howler Monkeys till their last dying breath without acknowledging that they hate him because Barry is proof that it is the person not the origins that makes a man or woman.

@Prommie: Can’t wait for COlbert to get hold of that one.

In college, my friends and I used to drink Rainier Ale, the mean green one, or Colt 45 malt liquor, a very efficient emetic.

@Dodgerblue: Rainer Ale = Green Death. Used to do 40s, back when I had an iron stomach.

@chicago bureau: Know Your Crackpots. This particular SCOTUS smackdown had a twist: The suit alleged Barry had a dual citizenship. Didn’t deny he was born in Hawaii, but it said the Kenyan father disqualified him.

ruthie must have been influencial here. i learned through the process of becoming a duel citizen in israel that you are whatever your mother is, in the jewish religion. they will welcome any jew to be a citizen. if your father is a jew, and not your mother? sorry charlie. if your mother is a jew and your father a vulcan? they roll out a red carpet.

@baked: How did you know that this is my situation: “if your mother is a jew and your father a vulcan.”

@baked: @Dodgerblue: Reminds me of the wonderful David Cross bit about arguing with a rabbi that, as an atheist, he can’t be Jewish.

“‘Let me ask you one question: you say this now, but was your mother’s vagina Jewish?’ Yes, yes it was. Fuck! They got me with a technicality.”

@Dodgerblue: @mellbell:

haha! do you speak vulcan DB? i speak a little klingon. srsly.
i am mos def an atheist. but i can’t rub off being a jew too, that was priceless mell!

@baked: American citizenship is conferred at birth with at least one citizen-parent. Usually any additional citizenship has to be chosen at the age of majority, and even dual citizenship wouldn’t cancel out the “natural born citizen” status that Black Eagle has because of his mother. My wife has three passports, all perfectly legal although technically she renounced one of those when she naturalized as a US American.

@baked: Do I speak Vulcan?? My wife went to high school with Leonard Nimoy’s son and used to hang out at their house. Leonard is Jewish, as you may know, as is William Shatner.

@baked: Nah, she has better pecs. She’s my Mrs. Smith, if I must draw parallels from the moving pictures, although our fights aren’t nearly as lethal or beautifully choreagraphed as those between Brad and Angie.

WOW…we’re mind melding!
yes, i knew the enterprise bridge was commanded by jewboys.

in our era, you didn’t hear the jon stewarts of today screaming their jewishness. i would watch dinah shore with my grandfather, and every week he’d kvell and say, “she’s jewish, you know”.
now everyone is outing themselves, it’s a good thing.
did you hear about kirk douglas? he’s like orthodox now.

@baked: What if your mother converted before you were born (as is the case w/ my niece and nephew). Actually, they already have the Grand Prize of dual citizenship: Swiss. My [half]-sister’s mother was Swiss, and both she and the children get Swiss citizenship as a result. I’ve strongly urged her to get Swiss passports for all of them — just in case.

@Mistress Cynica: Good idea. We’re working the angles for our kids so they can opt for EU citizenship in ten years.

@Mistress Cynica:
YES! if she converted before they were born, they have the grand prize trifecta. israel will recognize them as jews and will throw money at them, 100% paid health care, free hebrew language classes, YOGA! free this free that–for a few years.
the reason i’m doing this is because i’ll be spending time there on and off as long as i’m with rat, so why not pick up the goody bag. it’s a lot of paperwork, and i have to live there for a while, but i have enormous medical bills! i’m planning all my dramatic medical needs, physical and mental, for the holy land.
your niece and nephew have it made. and they should get the swiss passport for sure.
that’s another reason i’m doing this, as you say– just in case.
usamerica scares me more than israel.

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