The Catholic Apology Index

  • John Paul II apologizes in 1995 for Church’s treatment of women: 1,995 years
  • Pope Benedict apologizes in 2008 for child sex abuse by clergy: 869 years
  • John Paul II apologizes in 1999 for Jan Hus being burned at the stake: 584 years

  • John Paul II apologizes in 1992 for Christian involvement in slave trade: 540 years
  • John Paul II apologizes in 1995 for anti-Protestant violence during Counter-reformation: 450 years
  • John Paul II apologizes in 1992 for Galileo’s condemnation: 359 years
  • John Paul II apologizes in 2001 to South Pacific indigenous peoples for injustices committed by missionaries: 333 years
  • Roman Catholic Church in France apologizes in 1997 to Jews for its silence during Holocaust: 55 years
  • Greenville, South Carolina, parishioners commanded to repent for Obama vote: 8 days
Priest advises penance for Obama vote [Greenville News]
47 Comments

so history will remember him as ‘john paul, the apologist’

i got so excited reading the header, thought you forgot galileo. my fave!
don’t be bringing no scientific certainties into the kingdom of magic!
it only took 359 years? the church is getting progressive.

You can expect this shit from Greenville, the home of Bob Jones University.

@rptrcub:
cubbie,
we may eventually have to organize a commando unit to get you out of there.
my atlanta story: was there once for a wedding. at 9 pm, while rat and i are setting the dance floor aflame, my cell phone rings. it’s my pet sitter telling me bernie was just rushed to the vet hospital at penn.
goodbye party, goodbye atlanta, hello airport at 11 pm to rush to his side. i had a great time in atlanta. for one hour and 45 minutes.

@baked: The city of Atlanta itself is not the problem; it’s the burbs and the rest of the state with a few exceptions (Athens, Savannah). I’ll probably move eventually for a change of scenery but it’s home until I finish my grad school.

And the next time you come down here, I’ll show you around.

Still waiting for that apology about no condoms/BC and the literal use of “Go forth and multiply” while the Earth pop is 6.9Bs

What do you mean a cold day in hell?

Like I was saying earlier this week: until the Church fesses up, completely and without lawyering it, about the sex scandals and the shuttling around of child-molesting priests, I couldn’t care less about what the Catholic Church hierarchy has to say about anything.

This is probably a renegade priest, but its sad that the insistence on celibacy and the increasing conservatism at the Vatican will probably just narrow the pool of those who would want to be priests more and more until only crazed molesting anti-gay and anti-abortion whacks are left.

The insane message this one is sending is that catholicism is no longer compatible with a secular state. All must vote for theocracy.

I’m ashamed to say that I grew up about 20 miles from Greenville. It wasn’t as wacko-Christian then, just incredibly racist. Got out of there at 15, never looked back.

@Mistress Cynica: Every time some queen bitches about Atlanta, I remind them of far worse places to live in.

In today’s NYT
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/14/us/14priest.html?ref=us

A priest will be excommunicated for ordaining a woman. (If you read the article, you will see that the priest in question is an authentic, honest-to-God Christian.)

@rptrcub: Given the number of Adult Swim shows originating from Atlanta, the place can’t be all bad.

to preserve the iota of annonimity i have left, i won’t tell you the school. but i went to school with the first ordained female rabbi.
i guess it’s been about 20 years, and now woman rabbi’s are rockin the bima everywhere. her name is amy eilberg.

@blogenfreude: As much as I’d like to claim encylopedic knowledge of modernist architects, honestly I typed “glass house” in Google image search.

Reminds me of this joke…

How many Catholic Cardinals does it take to change a lightbulb?

CHANGE???

@nojo: The creative crowd here is very interesting, and the stuff emanating from Cartoon Network indeed is 32 flavors of awesome. It’s once you step beyond 285 that things get kinda GOP-ey and suburban boring.

@WaltTrombone: Ladies and gentlemen, WaltTrombone. How ’bout some love for the new kid?

@WaltTrombone:
are you funny and bitter at the same time? all the time?
WELCOME!

Thanks for the welcome! I started out lurking on Cynic’s Party, and followed you folks over here.

Can’t remember where I saw this linked, so apologies if it’s a retread, but behold the Pope John Paul II Random Speech Generator.

As a descendant of a Huguenot, I’m still pissed.

@WaltTrombone: Huzzah! Helllloooo!

ADD: What’s your avatar? It looks like Lincoln holding a trombone.

@JNOV:
That’s exactly what it is. There was a jazz trombonist named Abe Lincoln, no relation to the President, and someone photoshopped that pic.

@WaltTrombone:
Bienvenidos from the Rabbi/Den Mother of this motley crew.

I’m curious, what finally inspired you to finally come out of the lurkosphere?

@SanFranLefty: Let’s just say that my repressed guilt from 12 years of Catholic schooling has finally been overcome.

That, plus, I love that joke.

@SanFranLefty:
that’s a good question for all of us rabbi.
i lurked at W for a year before i opened my mouth.
(ok, spare me the jokes, i can hear you)

and then proceeded to organize an angry mob over the disappearance of the preview pane….good times.

@WaltTrombone:
for the new kid, a fan of the lightbulb joke. here’s my fave:

how many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
just one, but the bulb has to really want to change.

@WaltTrombone: Hi. You win for strangest screen name that does not sound like an emo song title.

@ baked – every one knows you’re Jennifer Aniston. Hi, Jen!

@ blogenfreud – it must have been architect night on the Documentary channel on Wednesday. They had films on Albert Speer and Philip Johnson back to back. I confess to missing part of the second so I could watch another show on shooting double action revolvers on the Outdoor Channel.

@baked:

How many Lolocats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Can I haz punchline?

@baked: How many Santa Feans does it take to change a light bulb? One, and bunch of others to stand around bitching about how much better the old one was.

Here’s a good joke: In Germany, they called it the Holocaust, but in America, we call it Westward Expansion.

Hilarious, right?

Just sorta keeps the phenomenon of historical sins and man’s inhumanity to man in perspective.

@redmanlaw: Q: How many Eugeneans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Why aren’t you boycotting GE?

@redmanlaw:

“The idea that these chips represent some kind of end-times, satanic signifier is completely ridiculous,” responded White House Spokesperson Dana Perino, “I mean, the Vice-President doesn’t even have one…”

@redmanlaw: During my time in Germany one of the public TV stations ran what is apparently a phenomenal docudrama about Speer’s relationship with Hitler. I regret not watching it then, because it doesn’t seem to be available stateside.

@redmanlaw:
Why would they need silencers? They want to protect everybody’s hearing?

@ManchuCandidate: Actually, hearing loss is a big issue among returning vets. Can’t google it up right now, working.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

One. And a hundred standing around saying (read with bitterly weary bitchy overtones) “I could have done that better”.

That house. What kind of freaking pervert would live in a house with no walls? Like every time you fart the world has to see? Must you really display spraying the laundry with Shout? I always thought it very strange. And it’s a famous house. If memory serves it’s called the Pervert Glass House.

@Prommie:
no prom, they called it “manifest destiny” and i was in 4th grade and said, what the fuck kinda shit is that? and i remember this pre-holocaust history very well because it was presented as some sort of point of pride that nauseated me. i loved ya in 4th grade reds.xo jen

@Benedick:
that’s hilarious.
now can we get back to ilya’s peen?
did you have a close encounter?
you have no idea what this means to me.
i’m one degree from ilya!

nevermind, just picked up your answer.
ya could have made something up. *sniff*

@baked: You right. I could have made something up. But I respect you too much for that.

Would it help to hear about his glass eye?

@Benedick: Funniest thing I read all day.

@baked: And a pre-tween heart back.

@redmanlaw: Similar to how many Episcopalians it takes to change a light bulb: Three. One to mix the drinks, one to call the electrician, and one to talk about how much better the old light bulb was.

@redmanlaw:
I’m not surprised. An M-4 barking in your ear without hearing protection is the least of one’s problems.

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