Victory Pestorking!

Although there’s yet no evidence of couples seizing the moment Tuesday night at Grant Park, it’s looking like America will experience a baby boomlet next summer:

Contributors to Twitter, which allows users to post brief alerts about what they were doing, deluged the site with reports of their election night passions, prompting others to speculate that maternity wards in blue states would be unusually busy in nine months time.

Not enough detail? We’re here to serve:

“I watched Obama’s acceptance speech, heart — and loins — swelled alike,” wrote Mia on the blog. “My loving man gave my hand a squeeze, and I was filled with a wondrous, deep and primal desire to embrace him and celebrate life. And even — now that we have a prayer of creating for them a worthy world — to make life, to make babies.”

Heck, Barry’s election may even solve the Idiocracy Dilemma:

“That’s it. My fiancee and I will have to wait until 2012 before we start to have kids,” wrote a commenter, presumably Republican, on one blog. Another wrote: “I’m getting an Obama vasectomy. I can’t afford his tax hikes and another kid.”

We can only hope the Republican base follows that noble example.

‘Obama Babies’: Young Democrats take to their beds to celebrate election win [Telegraph UK]

For the good of the country, my heterosexual libtards who wish to have children, let us please try to improve the Uhmurrican gene pool. We gay uncles and aunties will spoil them, too. And I’ll offer the Republicans free vasectomies. Like, in the back of a van without the benefit of local anesthetic.

What’s the difference between an Obama vasectomy and a blowjob from Ann Coulter?


Vasectomies are fun. Did you know that in China there are free vasectomy clinics in the train stations and you can stop in and have your balls slit on the way to work?

For me it was fun because 1. I got to shave my balls, but I had a total excuse, so there was nothing “funny” about it, like, I didn’t feel like I was getting too like, into my private grooming, or anything (in my generation, one did not shave ones pubes, male or female; when it comes to porn, I seriously miss the “bush.”). Since then I have taken to shaving my ass, and lawnmowing the pubes, generally, they get way too long, I was looking like Rip Van Winkle down there.

2. You get to put frozen vegetables down your crotch, and you can even brag about it; “Hey, I have a bag of frozen peas on my balls, doctors orders, ha ha!” Yes, the docs all say to use frozen peas.

3. A strange woman grabbed hold of my ball sack, the doc’s assistant, held them up out of the way while he snipped. The only stranger to touch my ball sack since I got married. Cheap thrill.

4. I got a joke out of it. I did it for Mrs. Prom, so she would not have to keep fucking up her system with the pills. And then, a year later, I got a sleep study done, for my snoring, and got a CPAP machine, so she could sleep without being constantly awakened by my thundering. My joke is, that for my birthday, in gratitiude for my tender concern for her, she is gonna have her gag reflex removed. She does not think its a funny joke, though.

All in all, very worth it, though.

@ManchuCandidate: It’s not about belief. You gotta have Faith.

@Promnight: I’ll take your word for it as to the fun of the experience. But I’m glad you learned about manscaping. It can be very important indeed (and yes, even those of the bearish/cubbish species do this down there).

@Promnight: So it should be, like, a ride at Disneyland? E-tickets in every Republican’s pocket, for sure.

@rptrcub: I’m not a bear nor a cub, but every few months I do feel the need to tame my unruly mane down there. Just common decency.

Also, when I go all out and shave my balls it makes me feel pretty. Until it starts itching.

@Pedonator: I am a supporter of the waxed ball sack.

@JNOV: Darling, if I were into femdom I’d beg you to wax my sack. But if you’ve ever had a Brazilian you know how painful that would be.

@Pedonator: Ha ha! I am one unhairy person, and while I’ve had the occasional bikini wax, I’ve never had the full on Brazilian. I don’t think I could bring myself to wax your balls, Darling Pedo; I wouldn’t want to inflict that type of pain on anyone. My friend ABD Mike who sent me a dick pic on my phone has waxed his balls for years. I think he likes the pain. As they say in Hellraiser, pain is pleasure. But not really. I’d shave you, though.

@Promnight: The way you wrote no. 3, you make it sound like a strange woman grab hold of two things – both your ball sack and the doc’s assistant – which made me wonder exactly what kind of place you went to for your vasectomy.

I reject the theory of this post. Everyone knows that blue staters carry condoms, diaphragms and morning after pills on them at all times and, unless they are really drunk only fuck people of their own gender.

It’s red staters (and their cousins) who breed after victories.

@rptrcub: I don’t see it. Will log out and log back in. My hope it to see Pedo Jr in his gondolier shirt.

WTF with this Stop AB on demand ad! Boo!

Oh my! Oscar! I would not wax or shave his hairy green balls!

@JNOV: O the times, they are a changin’.

@Pedonator: Oh, I love trash! Anything dirty or dingy or dusty. Anything ragged or rotten or rusty! Yes I love, I love, IIIIIIIIII love TRASH!

@Promnight: I had the same experience, including the frozen peas. The doc showed me the piece of tube(s) he cut out — I was surprised at how big they were in diameter. And, to illustrate the depth and stupidity of the male libido, while sitting in the pharmacy afterwards, bleeding into my underwear while Mrs. DB was picking up some tylenol/codeine (which I didn’t use, I hate codeine), I found myself admiring the ass on a young woman in line.

@Dodgerblue: Just because they cut the mantubes don’t mean they didn’t cut out the testosterone.

What happened to our Anonymous Pornographer?

@JNOV: Should have a fresh one tonight. AnonPron is a Saturday feature.

why are you waxing? waxing is a medevil torture method. you don’t know about NAIR? does the same job and doesn’t HURT! (more sensitive areas require shaving)
waxing is sadistic!

it comes in pina colada now, and other scents!
i nair rat sasquatch’s back all the time. works great!

@baked: All I remember is the smell of burning hair in my nostrils. I’ll take the razor or the wax, except shaving leads to itchy vulva.

[shudder] All this discussion of hair removal makes me glad I live with a hippie boy who, like HF, prefers the natural look.

@JNOV: @Mistress Cynica:

i’m experimenting with pubic landscape designs lately. designing topiarys and edward scissorhand creations. a passing fancy, now please someone muzzle me, thank you.

@baked: I just don’t have that level of commitment to personal maintenance. If I manage to shower and wash my hair, I’m doing well. Yesterday I was so pissed because I put on makeup in anticipation of getting my drivers’ license picture taken, but arrived at the DMV without the necessary 15 pieces of ID (it is way easier to get a passport or register to vote). So I have to go back next week, and I wasted time putting on makeup for nothing.

@Mistress Cynica: Seriously. I don’t mind picking a few hairs out of my teeth.


8 more days and i’ll be entertaining a gentleman caller. my rat.
i thought i’d start things out festively.

@Mistress Cynica:
that sounds like my typical lately, but special circumstances are looming and i want to put my best pubes forward.

@homofascist: It’s not the hairs in my teeth that bother me. It’s the errant Rip Van Winkle (thanks, Prom) hair that gets stuck in my throat leading to all sorts of nasty-sounding hairballish horking. Kind of kills the mood and makes you feel like you’re choking.

Everyone could use a little trim now and again.

@baked: put my best pubes forward — can I nominate you for comment of the weekend?

i’m honored. and putting your best pubes forward IS always good advice.

Nojo: In case you were wondering the gelato case has been settled

@CheapBoy: Your link shot a blank, but probably all to the best. Did the hotel promise to only dump on its patrons in the usual ways?

@mellbell: Everyone could use a little trim now and then.

I’m having that printed on a t-shirt. Is “trim” a nickname for pussy outside of the Delaware Valley, or do we own that?

Add a Comment
Please log in to post a comment