Dirty Jobs

Here in Stinque Land, we’re lowering the level of discourse one post at a time — and today will live in infamy, with the first installment of our new series, Ask A Pornographer. We’re going to start off slow, asking him a few get-to-know-you questions. Then get ready, Stinqueroos, because we’re opening up like a glistening flower for an unruly pounding of the hardest questions you can give us for him to answer next week.

Lower the lights, put on some mood music and join us after the jump.

What kind of porn do you write?

I write pretty much whatever the client wants. I’m happy to do gay, straight, bi and fetish stuff. The gay work tends to pay better, because there are less dudes willing to write it. Every straight writing major at Harvard wants to get paid to write teenage lesbian porn, but they don’t want to think about dudes with dudes. For me, it’s really no big deal either way.

That said, there is some stuff I won’t do. I’ve turned down jobs for K9 and necro porn, on the basic assumption that the neither dogs nor the dead can reasonably give consent.

For the most part, I end up writing erotic stories and ads/reviews for escorts. The escort review system is weird, because it’s set up just like Amazon and the dudes take it really seriously. So, when I go to do it I’ll have to take a close look at the girl, see her list of what she does and doesn’t do and then read a few reviews other dudes have written to get a sense of what she’s like. Then I have to create a new narrative of what my experience with her was like. Try doing that for 10 girls a day.

With the dude escorts it’s even harder because the range of what they do and won’t do is more complex. With the girls it’s just a matter of “do they make the dude wear a condom for blow jobs” and “will they do anal.” With the guys it’s like “do they top only,” “do they bottom only,” “are they versatile,” are they “straight-acting,” and do I have to describe how big their dick is or is it more important to describe how tight their ass is. A lot of it is that gay dudes are much more discriminating about their escorts and tend to be looking for very specific things. Straight dudes are just looking for pretty girls who give head.

What’s your research like?

I hit up ASSTR.org whenever I get a new fetish. You can search there for a ton of stories on any kink you want and learn all the lingo. People into porn, particularly fetish stuff, are very particular about the words they use to describe the shit they want to think about doing. If you blow the lingo, you lose the readers. Literotica is also a good place to research, but it seems to run a bit behind the times on some fetish stuff.  To keep up with trends, I read AVN News and Fleshbot.

What’s the weirdest porn you’ve ever come across?

I think that’s generally a matter of opinion. I could name some really fucked up shit, but for me personally, I find the dudes who like to watch women blowing up balloons to be really weird; other people would argue that it’s “better” because it objectifies the balloons instead of the women. I think “crush” porn is fucked up, because while I’m no fan of cockroaches I can’t imagine wanting to masturbate while they are getting smashed. But the thing to remember is that porn is supposed to be weird. There is always a sense of boundary crossing in any good porn.

How do the actors do those anal shots so easily?

This is the question I’ve been asked the most in porn. In real life, you have to enter the receptive partner’s backside fairly slowly or you risk pain or other problems. Also, you usually need lots and lots of lube, which you don’t see in porn. The answer is that a lot of anal sex scenes are all about special effects. They have specially made water pistols that look like penises that are made to be super slippery. Plus, they pre-lube and stretch out the girl before the scene with butt plugs and such. In some cases they even have fakes assholes. So, what you may be seeing is a girl moaning while a cock shaped water pistol is going in and out of a rubber anus somewhere in her general vicinity.

(Send your dirty questions to iporn [at] stinque.com)


Shit Nojo, now you’ve given me way too much to think about. It’s gonna take some time to get all my questions in order. Can this be a nightly hourly feature instead of weekly?

A lot of it is that gay dudes are much more discriminating about their escorts and tend to be looking for very specific things.

I look forward to being very, very specific. Just give me a minute here…

Aunty Em! Aunty Em! I’m Home!!!

Do the gay male escorts check voting preference before doing an out-call?

Much better now.

Q: When your partner shoves an ice cube up your butt and s/he’s ready to come in when it isn’t completely melted yet, is it best to:

a) Murmur, “not quite yet honey, I’m not comfortably numb”
b) Politely shit out the offending article and let it melt on the sheets, which might leave a wet spot of suspicious color and/or provenance
c) Say, “Damn the Titanic, break the ice baby!”

@Pedonator: I don’t know the answer to that one, but the ice cube in the mouth trick is very very nice, at times.

@Pedonator: a) or c) are your best options.

Although one should only use c) if one is properly lubricated and stretched. Numb is not really a good thing for anal. One should be able to feel if something is going wrong.

Another handy hint… dip ice cubes in water before insertion to help remove any sharp edges. Blood can be fun as long as you know where it’s coming from.

b) can be used if one is using drop sheets or towels.

@Promnight: Listerine strips, or a mouth rinse are also very interesting.


b) can be used if one is using drop sheets or towels.

CheapBoy, are you are the Miss Manners of anal sex?

@Promnight, @CheapBoy: Also try Thom’s of Maine peppermint toothpaste for an extra tingle.

@Pedonator: Nah, just easier to clean up.

Who wants to remake the bed after a bout of debauchery? And well, some females do ejaculate, a lot. So always handy to have protection on the bed too.

@CheapBoy: Who wants to remake the bed after a bout of debauchery?

Some of us like to wallow in the spilt tallow of our debauchery. Once you get over the knee-jerk reaction of “ick!” it can be quite comforting.

And, depending, good for the skin.

Anyway, there are dirty jobs that have to be done to sustain our nonnegotiable standard of living.

Darn. I gots an “The email account that you tried to reach does not exist.” error when trying to send a question.

If he doesn’t do dog sex or necrofilia, I guess that means there are no Republicans in his stories. How does the K9 and necro stuff pay? Hey how can I break into the K9 and necro porn scene? Can I have every scene starring a different Republican politician or operative?

@FlyingChainSaw: Don’t handicap the Democrats too much. I’d like to believe once they’re in power they’ll right all the wrongs. I’d also like to believe in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Great Pumpkin.

Soylent Green is people!

@CheapBoy: Oops, sorry. Should be anonpron. I was in a hurry setting this up this morning…

Oh, wow! And I thought learning Guitar Hero would be the highlight of my night. Huzzah! And I kick ass on Evenflow.

Tell you who you are if you
nail me to my car

Somebody’s gotta do it.

Oh my.

Wait, CheapBoy isn’t “ask a pronstar”? I’m confused.

@Anonymous Pornographer: I think the dudes who like to watch women blowing up balloons suffer from a peculiar perversion of rubber-fetish.

But then, who doesn’t?

Oh My Fucking God, PsychoGeezer is making fun of himself on SNL.

@SanFranLefty: I think he’s trying to throw us off his scent and being sockpuppety. In my mind, CheapBoy is the best pr0nstar ever.

@Pedonator: Yeah — it’s pretty good this week.

@JNOV: Xmas comes early this year. Am I wrong? And he even brought Cindy into it! I predict swift divorce after this latest humiliation.

OK Jamie, you can have KO, I’ll just take Ben Affleck doing KO. I always thought he was handsome in a kind of generic way, but now I want to have BA’s babies. Damn you Jennifer Something!

Does anyone know what types of hormones they give transgendered kids? One of Jr’s friends will soon be presenting as female and is about to start hormone therapy. Is it safe for a still-growing kid to take them?

@JNOV: My gut tells me no, just from the “still growing” description. But I’m not a doctor and I don’t think we can rely on Google research for this one. If the friend can present as female and not get beat up, and it sounds like she has friends, as much as I’d hate to be on the other end of this advice, I’d say wait a while. My hope is that she has competent doctors advising on this…?

@Pedonator: Yeah. I don’t know. Her parents are obviously very supportive, so I doubt they are going into this blind. And I’m guessing the female hormones aren’t as dangerous as the male hormones. I just keep thinking about all of the damage male hormones can do to men and women. But maybe they use a super low dose, and I also think about how hard it must be to be in the wrong body. Maybe in some ways the risks are outweighed by the benefits. I love this kid so much, and I just want her to be safe. Safe in her body and safe in the world. Maybe I’ll ask her about the hormones if it seems appropriate.

@JNOV: Yes it’s okay to take the hormones at that age, and it’s easier to take the hormones now as an 18 year old rather than wait until she’s a 35 year old man trapped in a man’s body trying to take a shitload of estrogen. I’ve researched this and believe it or not, actually have written legal briefs on the issue. Imagine being a transgendered ward of the state – rejected by your family, thrown to the state foster care/juvenile justice system, and then dependent on them for your physical/mental health services. It totally sucks. That’s all I’ll say.

It’s awesome that her parents are supportive on this, and it’s actually a very good thing to do it now. The sooner she gets the hormones, the sooner she is not going to be “obviously” undergoing the process, and the less shit she will get from society.

@JNOV: I have ZERO experience with this in my own life or those close to me, but the fact that her parents are supportive is a big plus. I think it may come down to the quality of healthcare they are privileged with. And that said, it never hurts to google as much as possible, and take everything from the intertubes with a grain of salt, and use it as a tool to find others in similar circumstances and communicate.

Also, when did SNL get funny again? A pony isn’t going to do it for me anymore, now I want a giraffe.

Also, I just saw a No on 8 commercial that’s a parody of the Mac vs. Microsoft commercials, and I’m trying to link to it and all the No on 8 sites I’m trying to find it on are giving “connection reset” errors. But I refuse to believe the pigfuckers have better hackers than teh gheys and their stalwart supporters.

@SanFranLefty: No, not me. I test software for a living, not writing pr0n. That’s just a hobby for friends.

@SanFranLefty: And I happily eat any contrary words, as you have experience with this!

@SanFranLefty: Phew! That is a load off my shoulders. And I can’t imagine what it’s like to go through transition in foster care. Words fail me.

@Pedonator: I loved the giraffe bit. Esp the leathery wings and eating brains parts.

@Pedonator: Not as funny as Tom Cruise making fun of himself.

What? That’s real?

@nojo: Yeah, but Tom was only running for preznident of Scientology. Like, who cares?

@JNOV: Well it be true. I was stunned to see the introduction of this feature. Happy? Yes. Willing to learn? Yes! But it’s not me.

@JNOV: It’s actually James Dobson. We cut the deal backstage at the stadium today.

nojo and ped,
i’m curious if you had conversation with these enlightened beings.
it’s so amusing to listen and nod when the insane are babbling.
did anyone talk to you? did you chat anyone up?
what is in their minds besides sawdust and hate?

oops! wrong thread! 4 a.m. not awake.

@baked: Everyone seemed preoccupied, so we let them be. Ped was busy taking notes, I was trying to get a feel for the event — stand up, raise hands, sit down, drone to the oh-so-soft rock.

I don’t know that anything was on their minds. The day was structured as a twelve-hour “corporate prayer”, which is something like a group hug for God. There was really no energy in the stadium, much less overt hate. Very passionless. Especially compared to, say, a football game.


This is the Anonymous Pornographer. Not sure why I’m listed as anonymous, but I’m told it’s some sort of in-joke.

Anyway, I want to write a new edition of this tomorrow, so send me some questions, otherwise I’m going to rant about how Prop K getting defeated in California was bad for sex workers, bad for the public health and something that should have gotten more coverage from the mainstream media.

Also, I’ll bitch and moan about Dan Savage.

@CheapBoy: I’d be happy to respond to your questions.

@bart_calendar: I’d be interested to hear your opinions on Savage, actually. I read him every week, but I do get irritated when he uses valid questions to launch tirades on oft-unrelated topics rather than sharing advice. I also think he’s a tad lacking in understanding or empathy for us Vagina-Americans.

@bart_calendar: I see I’ll have to work on my feminazi arguments against legalized prostitution in anticipation of this week’s post. Also, any more blowjob hints from you, Cheapboy, Pedo and others much appreciated. I’m always looking to improve my skill set.

@Mistress Cynica: you mean your paternalistic arguments founded on the contradictory assumption of male superiority (i.e., the assumption that weak powerless women need protection from exploitation)? And the whoile argument all throbbing and quivering with an undercurrent of prudery (women would never want to be doing that dirty dirty stuff unless they were powerless and desperate)?

I’s just kidding.

@Mistress Cynica: For blow job hints, you’d be better off asking a gay man.

From my point of view if when you get down there you give me the impression that you are impressed by its size I’m happy.

@Prommie: You know, many, many sex workers are not women. Anyway, I’ll save this argument for the rant if I don’t get any decent questions this week.

@bart_calendar: Here’s a question: do hustlers, do male sex workers, typically have pimps?

@Prommie: “Hustlers” and “Male Sex Workers” are two different types of people.

But, that’s a question I will respond to either tomorrow or next week, because it’s an interesting question. What might put me off a week on that is that I know both hustlers and male sex workers and it might be interesting to get quotes from both and give you their perspectives.

That said, if they aren’t willing to go on the record, I’ll just write from my experience from dealing with them.

To give you a short answer, most “rent boys” I’ve known have had an older male who facilitated their transactions, most “hustlers” have not, but most “male sex workers” have had agents.

They don’t use the word “pimp” but that may just be a linguistic thing. If by “pimp” you mean someone who arranges the sex work and takes a percentage, then yes, many have “pimps.”

But, to be honest, and I’ll respond to this in a column, pimps in the traditional fedora wearing finding runaways/junkies trip doesn’t really exist that much outside of weird street trade.

The organized adult industry is so fucking corporate and boring that they don’t put up with the old pimp bullshit anymore for either the girls or the boys.

Of course there will always be street trade in the city ghettos, but that doesn’t really have anything to do with pornography or high end escorts, which is what I deal with.

At the end of the day there is almost no crossover between street people and serious adult industry workers.

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