Behind the Scenes at the Porn Post

Poor doggeh! And…

Talk to idealistic lawyers before the system corrupts them. Heh.

This is a first. Man golden showers dog.

As much as I like dogs, wet dog is not a pleasant smell. A pissed on pissed off dog smells probably even worse.

I’d hate to say it, but Animal House’s Dean Wormer had a point. Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go thru life (it might be a stretch to assume he’s fat, but it is Whizzconson…)

@ManchuCandidate: +1!!1!ONE

My doggie doesn’t mind the watersports, he seems happy to be pissed upon by other dogs in a context where he is the interloper. But then he’s basically indifferent to anything other than constant contact, sleeping between our legs, food/treats, and establishing his dominant position (over his pet humans) at every chance.

I can just imagine any man-child would punch out a window in frustration about how a dog is such a better boyfriend than some mere human. Jealousy, thy name is canine.

TJ/ I fired my Republican p-doc. I don’t need that kind of drama.

At last, thank Jeebus! It’s been thuderstorming all night because of global warming weather, the only thing on teevee is local Chicago news teams salivating over Jennifer Hudson’s mom and brother being killed in their South Side home, and all I wanted to do was go online and read After Dark.

So let me throw out a topic for discussion related to the story: What is the deal with men and coitus interruptus? You know, the whole blue ball, cold shower, peeing on dogs thing. Why is it worse for a man to be denied an orgasm any more than for a woman? Why should they get special consessions for being assholes if they don’t get sex? Why are women considered cruel if they want to bail partway through? I don’t doubt that men experience discomfort for physiological reasons if they don’t come, but is it so bad that they need sympathy and understanding for resulting bad behavior?

Just to clarify, I don’t condone teasing on either party’s part and I think as much as possible people need to share their expectations right up front…especially if they don’t intend to see it through. That’s just common courtesy.

@flippin eck: Patriarchy.

My friend’s big male cat sprayed her boyfriend one morning while he was lying in her bed. My cats never went that far, although they did pee on the gym bag of a bf they didn’t like (they were totally right about him, btw).

@Mistress Cynica: Cats know.

Also, just to confirm, when a cat sprays, that means piss, right? I only ask this as we have a dog, in a townhouse, with several cats and skunks that terrorize us nightly when we take the dog out for a little pee.

@flippin eck: Also, as a Man (such as), I can categorically state that my Orgasm is the Most Important Thing in the Universe. After said orgasm, I’m happy to entertain any thoughts you may have re: equality, egalitarianism, ENDA, etc. But I have to get off first.

@flippin eck:
Supposedly Blue balls hurt like hell (never experienced it myself.)

Also nature is very cruel to men. They gave us enough blood to think or to screw, but not both. This is why we men get into so much trouble because of our dicks.

Personally, I think it’s more an entitlement issue than anything. For most guys, they haven’t evolved beyond the “me man, me want now” attitudes. I’ve had those moments, but I recognize that for what it is.

Cynica and I briefly discussed the “date” rape scene between Joan and her fiance in last week’s episode of Mad Men. I feel for what happened to Cynica and Joan and that whole scene left me cold because that is not what I want from sex. For me, sex is never about power but more mutual pleasure and intimacy.

Those times that I have had sex (not as often as I would like) the best times are when the woman is into me as much as I am. The worst is when she just lies there because then I go cold. The reason is because I feed off the passion of my partner which is why I enjoy giving than merely receiving. And if she’s not in the mood? Well, I sulk a little bit and leave her alone.

@Pedonator: I think the spray is super concentrated pee+, and usually unaltered males spray to mark territory. We had a neutered male cat that still sprayed; he sprayed the BBQ grill on a regular basis. It had a cover, but ew, so gross. We had to throw it out.

@flippin eck: I have always believed that blue balls is a mythical malady, just a ploy men use when trying to whine women into sex. I’ve never heard a man over 17 complain of it.

Now on the other hand, once a woman lays hand on the cock, well, its hard to let go of the idea that its gonna go further. A mature and reasonable man will accept a withdrawal from that intimacy without fruition, as it were, but even for us metrosexual sensitive types its not easy. Its like christmas getting postponed at the last minute. Fortunately, I think that situation is rare among grown-ups. Kids, teenagers, maybe, they don’t know what they are starting when they first start revving up the hormones, but I think mature men and women rarely get things to that point unless they know and welcome where it will lead. Its irresponsible on all sides to commence serious sex play thinking its a game. No means no, do not get me wrong. But that is not what was going on in this case anyway.

Oh, nojo, the only good thing about Gawker is Fleshbot, troll there for subjects, that would be a party.

All about the blue balls.

Yellow hanky means piss play. Did the owner of said dog put a yellow bandanna around the dog’s neck?

(left is dominant, right is submissive)

@Manchu: Blue balls is real, and they hurt. The soft spongy tissue of the testicles are surrounded by a less flexible layer. As the blood flows into the testicles during arousal, the soft tissues swell and press against the firmer layer.

Normally inflow= outflow. But during periods of intense arousal the inflow is such that the outflow is impeded by the swelling. So more blood flows in than out.

This causes greater pressure inside the testes and creates a pain sensation. All that is left to do is to apply an ice pack to the scrotum, and put a pillow under the buttocks.

@JNOV: I just want to know what that BBQ grill smelled like. Mmmm…

Sorry, I’m in my cups and open to any gross thing to get my laugh track going. Also, surprisingly optimistic as I’ve spent the last week-or-so contemplating a new job where I’ll actually have to work for a living. And thinking that would be a good thing.

@ManchuCandidate: Like I said, some men try the pity route to sex and tell women that stopping now will make it hurt like hell, and I think its complete bullshit, just a ploy, I have never had blue balls either and I have retreated from the brink many many times.

@CheapBoy: Or maybe just jerk off?

I have had blue balls.

Do. Not. Want.

Trust me.

@CheapBoy: You seem to willfuly ignore the wide-spread effects of the cock ring: i.e., sometimes blueballs is just foreplay.

@Pedonator: Snickers used to do a funny little dance with his ass backed up to the grill. His tail would be high and twitchy, and he looked like he was marching in place. It was pretty funny.

My brother pulled the short straw and disposed of the grill.

I’m buying my 81-year-old aunt a Hiatchi Magic Wand for Xmas. Just throwing that out there. I hope she doesn’t injure herself like I did.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: Well, I only know what I know, so maybe I have only been lucky. But I have seen it used as a whining ploy.

Perhaps it is that when the cock itself is massive, it can take in all the excess pressure and thus the balls never reach that state? I find self-serving gratification in that explanation. Kinda what rich conservatives feel when they contemplate that their wealth is obviously the just reward of their virtue.

@JNOV: I think that’s the perfect Christmas gift. You’ve inspired me, and also made it easier to buy this year’s Xmas gifts for my Mom, aunts, cousins, uncles, etc.

@ManchuCandidate:
“when the woman is into me as much as I am”

Should be less self involved and actually read:
“when the woman is into me as much as I am into her.”

Sheesh.

@JNOV:
Eeep!!!

@JNOV:

Christ, YOU are fabulous.

@JNOV: My westie has demonstrated tool use. She will take a pillow and very carefully fold it in half, turn it up so the high, folded side is up between her legs, and hump away joyfully (she is a female). I think this is a real example of toolmaking and use in the animal kingdom, far more impressive than sharpening a twig to poke for termites. My doggie makes and uses sex toys. Its fascinating.

@Promnight: Ha! Good for her!

@Pedonator: It’s really the best thing ever.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: Shucks!

@Promnight: A wank, or jerk off, also helps, but getting aroused enough is a problem.

And they still ache afterwards.

@Promnight: So when my doggie uses his forepaws to capture my forearm for humping, this demonstrates his higher position on the evolutionary ladder?

And I’m so fascinated by the process of his pleasure that I let it go on for a few seconds?

OK, I get your point.

@ManchuCandidate: Oh, Manchu, you are great. But total agreement on the sentiment, my joy is in giving joy. Though its a woderful thing to have someone just go animal on you, too, there is a selfishness in always wanting to be the giver of pleasure, think about that seriously. Its almost passive aggressive. Sex is giving and taking, always.

@JNOV: Aloe Vera gel should help. According to ‘sources’

@ManchuCandidate: She’s still sexually active — she has a 60-yr-old boyfriend, but he doesn’t always get the job done. When I visit her, I make Clamato bloody Marys, and we talk about sex.

@JNOV: Ah yes, the gold standard of women’s playthings. Your aunt should love it…and do share your injury story, of course!

@CheapBoy: Oh, don’t forget you promised to administer the salve. But I haven’t abused myself since. Valuable lesson learned. Just because you can come five times in rapid succession doesn’t mean you should. At least not everyday.

@JNOV: Ahhh the Hitachi Magic Wand, a wonderful invention. I have nothing more to add to the conversation but that.

@flippin eck: I gave myself some sort of rug burn on my clit, but I was so hypersexual (hello, mania!) that I kept using the magic wand to no avail. All I did was get frustrated and prolong my anorgasmia. It was a rough week.

@Pedonator: Cock-rings are good for maintaining turgidity and denying ejaculation, but blue balls are a kind of pain that make one long for alone time with a cold pack on private parts.

Caning, piercing, paddling the shaft of the cock does lead to intense feelings of devotion, love, desire for release. But Blue-balls makes one think more of “How do I stop this pain!” rather than “More please”

But that’s just my opinion. But purple shiny scrotums do look sexy and lickable.

Ah, my god, I have been trying to play this video game for 4 years….and now that I have a working copy, it is downloading patches for like, 30 minutes. WHY. DOES.MY.LIFE.SUCK?

@Promnight: You are wise in the ways of psychosexology, Sensei. I’ve always had greatest pleasure in giving pleasure, though I always like “someone” to just go animal on me.

Classic conundrum, when I am sucking cock, it’s hard to determine who is getting the most pleasure.

@JNOV: …but he doesn’t always get the job done… That’s exactly what Magic is for!

@JNOV: I got carpet burn to my forehead after being done doggy style. Hard to explain that one at work…

@JNOV:
If that’s the case then the gift will be well received.

In my family, we’re rather uptight about sex and it’s rarely mentioned in regular conversation. I’ve had to learn through, er, outside sources and somehow avoided most of the typical hangups regarding sex coming from such a background.

@JNOV:

Anorgasma is a rough word.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: Yes, anorgasma should be stricken from the vocabulary, it’s entirely too rough!

@CheapBoy: I guess the difference between erotic denial and blue balls comes down to whether you’re tied up at the time.

Somewhat related – funny line out of James Carville’s mouth: “The reason Republicans are happy about Joe the Plumber is they’re glad they got somebody hanging around a toilet other than Larry Craig.”

@Pedonator: Heh. Having being placed in chastity and/or denial…. Denial is easier to deal with than blue-balls. Blue Balls is akin to a tooth-ache, denial is just erotically frustrating. A vicious circle of arousal and denial.

The more one is denied, the more aroused one gets. Rinse and repeat

@CheapBoy: “turgid” is one of my favorite words, and “Buck Turgidson” my favorite name.

Oh, stinkers, I am far gone.

Spleen

I was not sorrowful, I could not weep,
And all my memories were put to sleep.

I watched the river grow more white and strange,
All day till evening I watched it change.

All day till evening I watched the rain
Beat wearily upon the window pane

I was not sorrowful, but only tired
Of everything that ever I desired.

Her lips, her eyes, all day became to me
The shadow of a shadow utterly.

All day mine hunger for her heart became
Oblivion, until the evening came,

And left me sorrowful, inclined to weep,
With all my memories that could not sleep.

Ernest Christopher Dowson

@Pedonator: My dog and my roommate’s dog (both fixed) used to engage in cunnilingus for hours on end. They would plop down in the middle of the living room and my roommate’s male dog would go to town on my dog, spread eagle on her back. We humans struggled with whether or not to stop them, they were so enjoying themselves and who were we to impose our human sensibilities of when it’s appropriate to have oral sex. My dog, little bitch that she was, never really reciprocated for him except the occasional sniff of his empty ball sack.

@CheapBoy: I love the wealth of knowledge you bring to these discussions, but what I love more is that you’re keeping up with the “after dark” talk mid-mornings on a Saturday!

@SanFranLefty: I love James Carville, he’s like the bestest ankle-biter we have on our side, who never saw a check he couldn’t cash.

I imagine him snuggling, nay, canoodling, with his wife at the end of a hard campaign day, each of them tossing out slurs to practice for the next morning’s talk shows.

She rubs his bald head in a desperate ploy for luck, whispering in his ear, “Hey Baby, by any means necessary, you wanna take me now? Yeah? Yeah? Go! Go! You leftist revolutionary you! Throw me that libtard FUCK! Just don’t forget, I OWN YOUR ASS!”

But that is a good quote :-)

More Dowson, my favorite poet, minor tragic figure that he was, and my favoite poem:

Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae

Last night, ah, yesternight, betwixt her lips and mine
There fell thy shadow, Cynara! thy breath was shed
Upon my soul between the kisses and the wine;
And I was desolate and sick of an old passion,
Yea, I was desolate and bowed my head:
I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.

All night upon mine heart I felt her warm heart beat,
Night-long within mine arms in love and sleep she lay;
Surely the kisses of her bought red mouth were sweet;
But I was desolate and sick of an old passion,
When I awoke and found the dawn was gray:
I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.

I have forgot much, Cynara! gone with the wind,
Flung roses, roses riotously with the throng,
Dancing, to put thy pale, lost lilies out of mind;
But I was desolate and sick of an old passion,
Yea, all the time, because the dance was long:
I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.

I cried for madder music and for stronger wine,
But when the feast is finished and the lamps expire,
Then falls thy shadow, Cynara! the night is thine;
And I am desolate and sick of an old passion,
Yea, hungry for thelips of my desire:
I have been faithful to thee Cynara! in my fashion.

@flippin eck: It’s about 4pm here… And between thee and me?

After dark is about the only thing I can contribute to. The politics threads are beyond my ability to comment on as i am not a voter. All I can do is draw parallels between our state and national Gvts.

@SanFranLefty: It’s that “who are we to impose our human sensibilities” thang that gets me all the time! Most of my adult life I abhorred the concept of pets. I didn’t want to anthropomporphize on their asses.

Dogs just wanna have fun/fuck, yes? And I’m not at all turned on by the bestial, but it’s hard to deny them their little piece of ass. I mean, we neuter/spay them, and then we expect them to act like happy eunuch campers attuned to our every little stroke, but of course, not in that way. Do you think they might be confused and frustrated at times?

@Promnight: You’re getting positively maudlin, Prommie. Thank you for sharing the poetry, but…are you okay?

@CheapBoy: Oops, miscalculated by a few hours. 4 pm is not quite as fun as picturing you at 10 am on a Saturday morning, sleepy-eyed and sipping coffee, typing about the subtle nuances between the tension of cockrings and the pain of blue balls, but it’s still great that you make it to the after dark thread regularly even when it’s broad daylight for you.

@Pedonator: We do the same to children, are horrified by their innocent sexuality, which, as any parent who is free from denial, will tell you, is a major part of their lives. Babies and toddlers are always playing with themselves and humping things. Denial of the inherent sexuality of even the youngest children is a big cause of the sexual abuse hysteria of the 80s, I think. I try not to instill guilt and shame, saying “don’t ever touch that around other people, thats a private thing,” instead of “don’t touch that, its dirty” and such things as I actually remember.

Here’s T.E.Hulme, this is a poem about falling down drunk in a ditch, and wishing you were warm:

Once, in finesse of fiddles found I ecstasy,
In a flash of gold heels on the hard pavement.
Now see I
That warmth’s the very stuff of poesy.
Oh, God, make small
The old star-eaten blanket of the sky,
That I may fold it round me and in comfort lie.

@flippin eck: You durn tootin I am maudlin, absolutely, posotively maudlin. Its not a bad thing, maudlin is kinda a peaceful acceptance of sadness, much better than a weeping, anguished kind of sadness.

Dowson, there, that poem Non Sum Qualis, is the source of the title of the novel “Gone With The Wind.” Another of his poems is the source of “The Days of Wine and Roses.” Imagine that, to die at 32, with only a thin book to your credit, and have almost everyone alive 100 years later know even 10 words you wrote? Could you wish for more?

is this thing on?
/interrupting poetry reading and sex talk for tin-foil hat adjustment…

Query to all:

Could this ill-fated “mugging” of the young white female McCain volunteer have been the Pennsylvania October surprise that the McCain campaign had been banking on occurring before the election, thus explaining why they had moved all their resources from other states to PA earlier in the week and they were telling reporters earlier in the week that they were “confident” that Pennsylvania would turn around and vote for McCain?

/readjusts tinfoil hat, y’all carry on with Shakespeare’s love sonnets and blue balls discussion

@Promnight: My best girlfriend and I (gheys both) learned masturbation at an early age, without any parental guidance.

She, at an early age (i.e., 4-6 years old), used to regularly straddle the hump of the leathern sofa arm and ride, ride, ride.

I remember, even as an innocent child of five/seven/ten, climbing a pole and grinding my nether parts against the hard immutable surface of the steel phallus I clung to, rubbing off as such…I think that defines everything about my sexuality, as such.

@SanFranLefty: I have my tinfoil hat firmly settled upon my masculine fore brow, but I think this particular episode is not worthy. If that was their October Surprise, well, I have some candy-corn they might like to inoculate their mouth-breathing hordes against.

My last quote, from They Might Be Giants, “Don’t Lets Start,” “everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful.” 12 steppers say that finding joy in chemicals is denial, cold-eyed realists say that finding joy in dreams is denial, everywhere you see people condemning mindless joy, I say that life sucks hard, there is no justice and we’re all gonna die and go alone as we came into the world alone yearning for peace and comfort that always eludes us. Denial is a triumph. Conscious, willing denial of the futility and meaninglessness of life is triumph over it, its the ultimate rebellion, denial is life itself, its all thats good in life, acceptance is death. There is life, and there is death, and all that is alive, all things, creatures, that are alive, are a denial of death. Life is the purpose of living, nothing more, just being alive, each day, each moment, is a triumph over death, and we are most alive when in denial of our fleeting fragile nature. We are all just fleeting sparks and the most we can do is touch the other sparks as we all fly on our way to oblivion and enjoy our brief shining moments of being, shining as bright as we can and enjoying the glow of those who shine with us so fleetingly. I have to find some other word than “fleeting,” but fuck, its a good word, fleeting is our fate.

You are all bright sparks, to me, I am inspired to find denial in your glow.

You all, bright shining sparks of life. Keep living, you all. Shine.

@SanFranLefty: Nah. So totally sad and amatuerish. The McCain camp did try to jump on it and use it, see the reports from Talking Points Memo, but I doubt they orchestrated it. No, I would think this largely ignored fake anthrax thing against Chase and the FDIC is more Rove-smelling. Big fail, if it was their effort.

I still believe and would bet money that there will be a Bin Laden tape about 3 days before the election. And Bush might still have Bin Laden in a freezer, saved for the occasion, for unveiling in the next week. And Iran is still there.

I cannot believe that they are gonna give up and not try a stupid and futile gesture right before the election, but it will be bigger than this. Somethings gonna get blowed up.

My xion, you will dire.

@Promnight: W’all dire. Xcelsus primatoe!

@Promnight: Too derivative. Same reason I don’t troll Brand W for stories.

Plus, there’s a joy to finding something really fucked up in those pages of headlines. It’s like the story passed some perverse legitimacy test.

@SanFranLefty: No Surprise, just naked opportunism — by McCain’s state communications director, by Drudge, by Fox. They wanted that one real bad. And by tripping over themselves to tart up an easily disprovable story (A B? A reverse B?), they’ve spoiled their chances to make hay out of the next one.

But as Prommie sez, next week’s gonna be ugly anyway. Shit’s going down.

Honestly, I had expected to see a Big Lebowski reference by now.

I am so disappointed right now. This is (as my page sits here) comment #70 on this thread. That’s right, I came to the After Dark thread at 69 comments, and am now destroying that beautiful thing.

what is this hitachi magic wand i’m hearing about? i thought my rabbit was the gold standard. and more importantly, where does one purchase said wand? i’m not maudlin like prommie, not the peaceful kind of sad, but the hysterical version of maudlin. can’t have too many sex toys at a time like this.
missed after dark again–it’s just after 6 a.m.
i have the kind of depression now that makes me want to sleep all the time. i fell asleep at 9pm last night. missed house, starter wife AND after dark. are you all sick of my drama and carrying on for a month now?
me too. it’s eclipsing my life, ability to type, contribute meaningful comments, and every other aspect of my life. bare with me good people, and know you are all the biggest and best support system for me
i’m the maudlin one, flip, and loved your bunnies!
now where do i get this wand thing?

oh, and i can’t wait to see the new pics, but please identify who posted it if it isn’t obvious!

@baked:
I wondered where you were.

Hang in there.

@baked: We all love you. Never stop commenting here.

@baked: There’s no statue of limitations on your sharing with us your struggles–we all want the best for you and are here to provide what support/advice/revenge tactics we can. BTW, I want to second cassandra’s brilliant suggestion to take a hot young boytoy with you to Isreal.

Here’s the Hitachi wand: http://ikivu.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/hitachi-magic-wand.jpg. It’s not as promising-looking as the rabbit (I’m a rabbit girl too), but it’s apparently good, good times–I’ve never actually used one, but it’s on my wishlist.

Also, I’m glad you like the bunbuns! They’re great pets, very sweet, funny, and (best of all) quiet. Between the two bunnies and the one rabbit, I’m seldom lonely in my little apartment.

@baked: I don’t know for sure, but I’d bet heavily that Toys in Babeland (www.babeland.com) will set you up with a Magic Wand or anything else you may desire. Being a sometimes-insecure hetero male, I’ve never found myself wandering into the store, but everyone I know who has speaks very highly of it.

@IanJ: Soemwhat insecure heterosexual male? Is there any other kind? There are those who are insecure, and bluster through it and try to be macho, unfeeling, and cruel, and there are those who admit it, and they gain the wonderful feeling of being in touch with their insecurity, i.e., they get to be insecure. I think it has something to do with imprinted sex roles, and stuff. Regarding the other gender as “different” and mysterious.

@nojo: I thought the B stood for “Bitch.” Seriously.

@baked: I mail ordered mine from Tar-jay. I have a rabbit, too. It mainly stays in my lingerie drawer. The Magic Wand is within arm’s reach of the bed if not hidden under a pillow. It’s that good.

I spoke to my 81-yr-old aunt today. She finally broke down and bought a Mac. And she has finally figured out how to operate her iPhone. She called me because her MacBook thinks she’s unable to type and is stuck in the voice-assist demo. Heh.

@lynnlightfoot: Yes, baked. You are loved.

@JNOV: It does now…

I haven’t checked TPM the past few hours, but they’ve been all over the story. We know the McCain state communications director took it upon himself to call two TV stations with the Predator Version — which the police wouldn’t confirm — and so the question arises: Who thought it up? There’s a couple of dots missing right now.

We also know the national campaign is defending the state hack — instead of, y’know, firing and disowning him. As far as I’m concerned, that makes the national campaign an accessory to the crime — morally if not legally. They’re implicitly condoning race-baiting.

No surprise there, given the past few weeks. But you’d think they’d be smart enough to run away from the story as fast as they can.

@flippin eck: Put it near the top of your list. It’s that good. Hell, it is so powerful most people dampen the vibrations by using it over their clothing or by putting a washcloth or towel between the wand and their naughty bits. It’s a little on the loud side, and it plugs in, but those are my only complaints.

@nojo: Seriously.