Back to Basics

The markets are about to crash.  Tonight’s debate might not happen.  McCain is revealed as a drama queen.  But, my former Cynics, look deep into your souls.  Ask yourselves – what is really, truly important at this dark hour?

Bible-thumping hypocritical pervert preachers of course.

Looks like Cocktober has come early:

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. (AP) — Evangelist and convicted tax evader Tony Alamo says the age of consent is puberty and there’s a mandate in the Bible for girls marrying young.

“In the Bible it happened. But girls today, I don’t marry ’em if they want to at 14-15 years old,” Alamo said Saturday after federal agents raided his southwestern Arkansas compound and placed six girls into state custody. “We won’t do it, even though I believe it’s OK.”

But authorities don’t believe it’s OK — and now Alamo faces charges he transported children across state lines for sexual activities, in violation of the Mann Act. And so once again, the one-time rock promoter and street preacher that former President Clinton likened to “Roy Orbison on speed” will return to federal court.

I will leave it to you, gentle snowflakes, to rate this one in the comments.  Please use the usual 1-10 diaper rating system.  Plus, Alamo has a hearing today. I think this one is worth keeping an eye on.

Evangelist Alamo Faces Charges in Child Sex Probe [AP]

Does he have a squirrel stole around his neck?

Four diapers.

Nojo, where’s Flying Chain Saws? Did he get the memo?

@SanFranLefty: Four diapers … you know, if there’s no wetsuit or toe tapping involved these days, it’s hard to give it more. Damn we were spoiled by ’06-’07 – Aldridge, Foley, Craig, Bob Allen. Remember Bob Allen? Good times.

His motto, literally, is “if they’re old enough to bleed, they’re old enough to breed.”

Now, lets look to our neighbor to the north, Canada City, does anyone know what the age of consent was in Canada City, prior to the very very recent change which raised it by 2 years? Anyone?

@blogenfreude: Don’t forget Sen. Shitter Vitter and his missus w/ teh crazeee eyes!

@Prommie: I prefer ‘If there’s grass on the field, play ball!’

@SanFranLefty: And Vito Fossella … sure it was this year, but it seems so long ago now. Maybe we need to inject capital into the markets, maybe not, but we certainly need to inject some new Republican sex scandals into the political bloodstream, or whatever.

Do you realize that the National Enquirer dished on Palin’s affair and nobody noticed?

@blogenfreude: You know things are plummeting straight to hell when you can’t even get a notice for a sex scandal in the enquirer involving a vice presidential candidate.

I’m not sure I’d give Tony even 2 diapers, unless he was caught in flagrante. Violations of the Mann Act? How quaint. What, they couldn’t get him on tax evasion again?

Corinithians does mention putting aside childish things, and “rear” is a side.

Six diapers. Extra two come from the compound being in Arkansas and for being a repeat offender.

@Mistress Cynica: He gets a few extra points for not only looking like Jim Jones, but for being thought likely to do what Jones did to his flock.

/TJ Where’s Lyndon? Just heard about a threat of the return of Busby Berkeley -style musicals if there is another Great Depression. I need a Broadway musical gay to talk me down.

Gary Glitter had a ministry? And congratulations, sir, on the Denver Broncos resuming the use of Rock and Roll Pt. 1 at Invesco.

Who was it who said “Gary Glitter was a prisoner in Vietnam, too, but that dosn’t mean I’m going to vote for him”?

Two diapers for this particular tepid scandal…but I’ll give him a couple extra for past weirdness, like displaying his dead wife’s body in a glass box for six months.

Extra diaper if they find a way to bring this up at the “debate” tonight!


Grass on the outfield? Play ball!

Meh. Meh. Meh. I’d have been surprised if he HADN’T been diddling little girls. 2 Diapers.

@Mistress Cynica: @Pedonator: He gets bonus diapers for the underage harem. Otherwise I’d keep it at 2 diapers.

. . . aaand let’s have a little racism, too, this morning. The NM GOP had to disappear the guy who said “Hispanics consider themselves above blacks. They won’t vote for a black president.” Damn, dude should have fought it out instead of caving in the to politically correct amongst the state Republican leadership.

Goddam link don’t work. Sorry, and may I say “[expletive deleted] you” to the Albuquerque [deleted] Journal for making their shit impossible to link to.

@Mistress Cynica:

Erg. Are we talking Ironic Busby Berkley style musicals or just regular lame ones?

He’s fucking 74 and he’s carting around 10-year-olds! Plus, there’s this little gem of hypocracy:

Susan Alamo died of cancer in 1982; Alamo claimed she would be resurrected and kept her body on display for six months while followers prayed.

A couple of years later, he got involved with a younger woman. Lo and behold, God spoke to him again and told him Susan wasn’t coming back after all, so he took her out of the glass box and buried her.

I give him 4 diapers for the Koresh-creepiness-factor of it all.

@redmanlaw: What is more disturbing is listening to the song “Do You Wanna Touch Me.”

Breaking/ PsychoGeezer getting on one of those quick aeroplanes to Mississippi.

@SanFranLefty: Yay! The slamfest is on!

Odds on sticking to foreign policy tonight?

@blogenfreude: Aha! So, yet another reason for McCain making like a frightened squid.

@Pedonator: Jim Lehrer said yesterday that he can’t ignore current events and does not feel that he has to limit himself to questions re: foreign policy given the gravity and urgency of the economic problems. Get yer popcorn!

@Pedonator: Now see, this is another reason I keep following all you guys around. I learn so much. Do tell . . . He kept his dead wife in a glass box, OMG!!!

@flippin eck: OMG again! He kept her in a glass box so’s she’d be resurrection-ready! God fails to come through, again.

@Pedonator: National security starts at home, not by putting Son of RML on a watch list because he shares a name with a Bolivian terrorist, but in ensuring we can take care of the least among us, our infrastructure, and in meeting our needs for food, energy and disaster preparedness, and in properly educating our people. Then we can kill foreign leaders we don’t like.

@lynnlightfoot: (Do they Rapture dead people now?)

@redmanlaw: ensuring we can take care of the least among us… You mean investment bankers?

OFSM, this is just too rich, re: a promised veto of a $51B stimulus plan to extend unemployment benefits & food stamps & such:

“Record spending that could lead to record tax increases or higher deficits will not advance our economic recovery,” the White House said in a statement.

Do these people have no sense of irony, or too much?

@Pedonator: I think that’s the classic symptoms of complete reality disconnection you’re spotting, there.

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