Frantic Search Begins for Remaining Laws to Subvert

Facing a Constitutionally imposed deadline of January 20 to declare martial law or get out of Dodge, the Bush Administration has launched a government-wide mandate to undermine any laws it has not yet ignored.

“This one’s tough,” said a harried DoJ lawyer, speaking on background. “There’s not much left.”

Insiders were shocked that the Endangered Species Act had lasted this long, and blamed Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne for not dispatching it sooner. Kempthorne finally got around to knocking off bald eagles and polar bears Monday night, allowing federal agencies to skip scientific review and decide for themselves whether running an Interstate through Yosemite was likely to cause problems for non-voting rodents.

“Look, we’re busy figuring out how to stripmine Yellowstone,” said Kempthorne. “Cut us some slack.”

The new Suck or Die Initiative aims to secure George W. Bush’s place in history as not merely the worst but the most destructive U.S. president, amid concerns that a McCain Administration may challenge his standing. The initiative follows recent revelations that Bush included a signing statement with his oath of office.

Bush to relax protected species rules [AP]