Strap Your Hands Across My Engines
Maybe it’s best that we can’t find details about this, but Edward Smith of Washington really loves cars. No, he really loves them. Yes, that way.
His current squeeze is Vanilla, a white Beetle. This follows tempestuous affairs with Victoria (’69 Beetle) and Cinnamon (’73 Opal), but he also likes to rock the larger ladies, like Ginger (’93 Ranger). And then there are the thousand or so one-night stands in showrooms and with strangers’ cars, which might explain those neighborhood alarms going off at 2 a.m.
Smith himself is a ’51 American who peeled his first paint at 15. “Maybe I’m a little bit off the wall, but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters, it’s just wonderful,” he says when he’s not shagging the upholstery.
We’d write more, but our Civic has been a bad coupe and needs to be punished.
MANCHUCANDIDATE • Pop! Six! Squish! Uh-uh! Cicero! Lipschitz! Gawd, you keep missing the target!
MANCHUCANDIDATE • Pop! Six! Squish! Uh-uh! Cicero! Lipschitz! TACO Tuesday. The demented methhead next door blinked. Delay on trade war albeit…
SANFRANLEFTY • TRUMP FINISHES CEASE FIRE AGREEMENT WITH THE AYATOLLAH ! ! ! CHAINSAW!!!!
NOJO • Pop! Six! Squish! Uh-uh! Cicero! Lipschitz! @Beggars Biscuit: Yup, still here, if enjoying a long slumber.
BEGGARS BISCUIT • Pop! Six! Squish! Uh-uh! Cicero! Lipschitz! The drapery not really covering his name is not a feature, it’s part of the operating system.…
MANCHUCANDIDATE • Pop! Six! Squish! Uh-uh! Cicero! Lipschitz! Can't that dumb motherfucker get anything right? Now he's trying to Drill Baby Drill Greenland…
JNOV • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 Ding fucking dong! The bitch is dayud!
NOJO • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 @JNOV: Does blockquote no longer work?Huh. Guess not.
JNOV • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 Oh shit. “ Cuban state media reported that 32 Cubans were killed in the U.S. attacks in…
JNOV • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 So…. Does blockquote no longer work? Am I 2026’s only loser? (see blurb)