Candidate Shocks Nation by Blowing Smoke Out Mouth

Now that Psychogeezer’s ass has been given a clean (if freckled) bill of health, and Hillbot’s maintenance records have been inspected by factory technicians, America’s attention turns to the dark-lunged past of the Magic Negro.

Send the children from the room and sit down: Unicorn has been revealed to smoke cigarettes.

And not just a few just to be social with the outcasts on the sidewalk — as many as 70,000 over 25 years, although the campaign refuses to release a detailed accounting. “Long term risks for pancreatic, esophageal, bladder, and kidney cancers,” not to mention stroke, are raising fears of a crippled president, unable to lead his nation at war. (No, that one.)

Reports that Hillbot operatives have been leaving cartons of Kools around Unicorn HQ remain unconfirmed.

Will smoking past affect Obama’s health? [Politico]
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