NO ONE’S CAT CAN STOP BARPHING!
Precedent FUCKFACE! von CLOWNSTICK! on TV Now! Hide Your Cats!

ASSHOLE!

FAKE! MEDIA!

DRINK!

BARPH!

SELF PITY!

BARPH!

KO-REE-AH!

BARPH!

PARANOID SELF PITY!

DRINK!

RECIPITAL!

I SAID DAT!

I SAID DIS!

DUH!

My dad and stepmom, who are Louisville residents, organized a campaign among family and friends to sign up for tickets to try to depress turnout at the rally by blocking the true believers from getting in. Here’s hoping there were lots of empty seats.

The place looked packed with meth heads.

@mellbell: As a result, just received the following email (emphasis original, links omitted, name changed to protect the innocent):

Mellbell,

Thank you for joining us in Louisville! It was amazing to see thousands of you come out to hear directly from the President and it was even more amazing to have hundreds of thousands tune in online.

As we have said, this is a Movement, and this movement is growing by the day!

Mellbell, will you consider making a small contribution of $10, $12, $15 to help us keep building this Movement?

President Trump is hard at work fulfilling all the promises he made on the campaign trail. We need to show him that we’re right behind him as he faces opposition from the liberal media and the special interests in Washington.

President Trump’s priority continues to be us – the American people. The louder we can make our voice, the harder it will be for the critics to ignore the fact that we are already Making America Great Again!

Once again, please consider making a small donation to help us grow our Movement by clicking here!

Thanks again for joining us and we hope to see you all again soon.

Team Trump-Pence

@mellbell: Ugh. Despite knowing that he filed with the FEC, I thought it was only to protect his war chest. I had no idea he’s fundraising already.

Hope you enjoyed the show :-D

@FlyingChainSaw: Cat horked again today. Really.

@FlyingChainSaw: That’s because he didn’t have his Token Black Guy sitting behind his right shoulder.

@mellbell: Yeah, these are all legally campaign rallies.

Which raises a question: Who’s paying for them? Will we see MAGA20 filings in a few months?

@mellbell: All these morans are screaming their Heil Twitlers while the FBI has confirmed that they have an ongoing criminal investigation into whether Twitler and his minions conspired with Ru$$ia to undermine our democratic elections, and the regime is openly doing everything in its power to destroy our government and democracy. Let that surreal fact sink in.

FAKE PRESIDENT!

@¡Andrew!: Is it just me, or are Comey’s statements not flooding the news zone? Back in our previous existence, “FBI investigating President” would have cleared the table.

Certainly “FBI investigating Presidential candidate” did.

I’ll accept as a mitigating factor that Ryancare is grabbing an understandable amount of attention. But we’re having a hair-on-fire moment, and I don’t get the sense that the news knows our hair is on fire.

@¡Andrew!: I filled out this shit and signed it Vladimir Putin. Did you know the Kremlin has a zip code? Anyway, yeah. And then they asked me for $. Jesus.

@nojo: The Attorney General lied to CONgress about his contacts with Ru$$ia, and we’ve already forgotten it. The sewage fire hose of lies and outrages that’s erupting daily out of DC is almost impossible to cover meaningfully. It’s governance by Shock Doctrine.

To quote Rep. Maxine Waters: “These people are all scumbags.”

We’re like Wile E. Coyote: We ran off the cliff, and we haven’t looked down yet.

@¡Andrew!: So we turn our head toward the audience, hold up a “We’re Doomed” sign, and wave bye-bye.

BREAKING: According to some asshole (Sen. Cornyn) on the Senate Judiciary Committee, “interpretate” is now a word.

@JNOV: Sounds like he should take up painting.

@nojo: Who knows how badly this political civil war is going to end, however it seems certain that income and wealth inequality is gonna surge, and the country is going to become even more balkanized, with wealthy liberal cities in a death match against rural, racist, hate-crazed orcs.

The psychics defying luridness of this precedentcy has weaponized all cats into weaponized power chucking fuzz bazookas!

What next? Videos of TRUMPLIGULA! eating fondued babies live and wriggling and dripping with melted chocolate and screaming to their deaths?

@¡Andrew!: The Gilded Age only lasted thirty or forty years, so there’s hope.

Gorsuch is pissed.

@FlyingChainSaw: My cats is full of shit, thus says the vet.

@nojo: Man, all Corynyn did was babble about how awesome a lawyer he, Corynyn, was back in the day. And then he said that dumb shit.

@¡Andrew!: I’m moving to Yelm or something similar after I check the SPLC map of hate groups.

Oh, okay. Just remembered this. When my kid was about 3, we lived in Temecula. I took him to the park, and someone had carved “white supremasy” into a picnic table. I was like ugh. Then I was like, yeah…no worries about this one.

Today Gorsuch quoted David Foster Wallace (badly) and showed that he very much missed the point of “This Is Water.” Ugh.

@mellbell: Somehow I don’t think he made it past the first paragraph, much less to this part (full text here):

Look, the insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they’re evil or sinful; it is that they are unconscious. They are default-settings. They’re the kind of worship you just gradually slip into, day after day, getting more and more selective about what you see and how you measure value without ever being fully aware that that’s what you’re doing. And the world will not discourage you from operating on your default-settings, because the world of men and money and power hums along quite nicely on the fuel of fear and contempt and frustration and craving and the worship of self. Our own present culture has harnessed these forces in ways that have yielded extraordinary wealth and comfort and personal freedom. The freedom to be lords of our own tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the center of all creation. This kind of freedom has much to recommend it. But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talked about in the great outside world of winning and achieving and displaying. The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day. That is real freedom. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default-setting, the “rat race” — the constant gnawing sense of having had and lost some infinite thing.

@JNOV: TRUMPLIGULA! will pay for these CRIMES!

@mellbell: The Dems better block GoSuck or there’ll be hell to pay. If we’re gonna die on a hill legislatively, it might as well be over this.

@mellbell: Yeah. Must’ve been something his daughter begged him to read. Can he please shut up about his damn kids?

@FlyingChainSaw: Yeah – it did start around November…

@¡Andrew!: That’s what I told Murray and Cantwell. Give them a call if you haven’t. I keep saying, look – we have your back if you have ours. We don’t know what is going to happen in the future, so don’t try to game the nomination process. Resist.

@JNOV: TRUMPLIGULA! must face JUSTICE!

You must send your pet’s story to the kittenfeed.com people and join them in their struggle against this feline emetogenic,

@FlyingChainSaw: KittenFeed is down. Either the servers can’t handle the recent flood of traffic or Trump’s lawyers got to them (not a joke).

@mellbell: Wow. What a thin-skinned bastard.

@FlyingChainSaw: I would. I would…

Best blurb ever. Because I said so.

@mellbell: The Internet Archive is here for you: http://web.archive.org/web/20170322065245/http://www.kittenfeed.com/

I LOVE MAZIE HIRONO!

@Mistress Cynica: Aw, man! Rick Rolled.

@FlyingChainSaw: Hey. Now my dog is releasing some nuclear flatulence. Can you work with that?

@JNOV: It may be time for a diet change. I’ve found my dogs do best when avoiding anything with lamb and rice in the ingredients.

@¡Andrew!: (Scrambled eggs)

She loves scrambled eggs. She’s been swimming in the Green River the past few days. I finally broke down and bought rain pants or whatever they are. I’m glad I found black, because who wants to look like the Curious George perv?

@JNOV: I tutor a student in reading and last week she referred to the Man in the Yellow Hat as George’s dad and I was just like, “You know, he looks after George, so sure, why not?”

@mellbell: We say “George’s companion” and tut-tut under our breaths.

@mellbell: I love her.

@nojo: You’re jaded.