First, Get a Million Dollars

Rich People: Better Than You
The Barely Subliminal Message Of Our Entire Culture

I’m sorry, but this just activated my over-the-top valve which was already at the tipping point with the today’s aluminum/Goldman Sachs and high-liviing military brass story.

I am so thankful for all the wealthy people who have condescended to explain to their inferiors how they managed to become and remain so wealthy. It does trouble me that they, along with their more spiritually inclined cohorts like Deepak Chopra, continue to expect us to pay them for their wisdom. If you’ve got life all figured out why do you need my measly 20 bucks? It means a lot more to me than to you.

For some reason I keep thinking of all these authors and the picture of a hedge fund manager posted below.

@BobCens: If there’s a financial crime against humanity that Goldmine Sacks hasn’t committed, it’s only ’cause they haven’t cooked it up yet.

It’s almost as funny as The Short Fingered Vulgarian “teachin” courses on how to get fabulously rich.

I keep telling you people that wealthy is the way to go. Make that choice and you’ll be amazed how much sunnier the world will be. Being poor is a choice.

Speaking of which, Britain’s first gay monarch-to-be, Nigel I, has been born. Speaking personally, as an expat Brit, I couldn’t fuquing care less. Am I supposed to believe that the establishment didn’t know baby’s gender (P) in advance in case it was a gel which could then provoke a constitutional crisis?

If you think the Romneys are boring they are as nothing to the Windsors.

@Benedick: I thought they amended the constitution or whatever they have to make the first born heir to the throne regardless of gender. I’m sure Brenda, Chuck, et al. are raising a G&T in relief that there’s no danger of baby being named Diana.

@Mistress Cynica:
From the baby book… Prince Duane?

@Benedick: Will they name him Jamaal? My friend knows a bookie, and I would love to make the choice to be wealthy beyond my dreams. You drink tea and talk funny so I am sure you have the inside info. Also there are amusing anecdotes regarding the queen and her cultured and stylish butlers at midnight, and you people all know each other so I’d appreciate you getting on the phone and dropping a hint. It is spelled “Jamaal”, with two “a”s. I would prefer to be making the choice to be wealthy and not kneecapless, however, so please perform due dillegence regarding this point.

In related news, I’m drunk again. Only this time it is rum, which is awful. It’s like cough syrup without the delightful disconnect between your thoughts and the mask of sanity. Also, I ate eggs and kale for dinner. It was easy. Kale is good for you, and thankfully soaks up some of the rum. The eggs, however, weigh upon me mightily, like a Shakespeare sonnet recited by Calista Flockhart or the Bush presidency. There are worse things to eat than eggs while drunk, I suppose, but nothing that makes you quite as inadvertently fragrant. Which I think the dog secretly enjoys. I can’t tell, he’s very hard to read.

And, thus have I, my part discharged so; and being done, thus wall away doth go.

TJ/ I can’t believe you guys let me waste all that time on the anglish. The Italians are much more interesting. I’m changing my name to Lucrezia. Too bad Cesare came down with The French Disease.

On to the other bastards…

I really am looking into changing my name. It better not be expensive.

@JNOV: Did you know the French called it “The English Malady”. That’s a real thing.

I would go with “Doorknob”. Or “Zeppo”. “Thomas” has a nice ring to it.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: :-)

How about “The Pox”?

See? Even “malady” is cooler than “disease.”

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: You “discharged” well on rum. How do you do with tequila?

@JNOV: In this state you need to put a public notice in the newspaper. I think that is more than the court costs.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: Zeppo was the straight guy or was that Gummo?

@JNOV: Wank is better than tug.

Ni hao from Beijing. I’m trying to respond to Catt’s comment but the NSA and the Chinese hackers won’t let me. Anywhoo, they have this thing here called baiju that you are supposed to drink shots of during banquets. It’s considered impolite and borderline unmanly to decline. It smells like raw alcohol mixed with gasoline.

I am stone-cold sober in mid-town west. Let me tell you – not much fun.

I think the baby names are going to be Sydney for a girl: Cody for a boy. Actually, I’m wondering if they name it after its maternal grandfather. That would be quite the insult. On the other hand, I don’t give a fuck.

@JNOV: What on earth gave you the idea that the English are interesting?! The English are never interesting. I am interesting but that’s a different conversation.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: I have known several queens.

Are you drinking Jamaican Appleton Estate rum? If not why not. Rum and Coke is not only delicious but nutritious. Except you can’t make it with American Coke which is too sweet. And also revolting. Might I just point out that if you drink through the cough-syrup stage you cease caring about the taste. Tis a confirmation devoutly to be wished.

Wall is a much sought-after rôle as he gets to give the audience the finger. This is considered the height of wit in Basingstoke.

@Dodgerblue: The what the hell are you waiting for? You have the perfect excuse to get shit-faced. Get it down you.

@DElurker: You should see me discharge on Soju. And they’re all a blur once I get past wossname, the ersatz Italian one.

@Dodgerblue: Are the boys pretty? It would break my heart if the boys weren’t pretty.

@Benedick: Sailor Jerry. Because I liked the label. Which is not, I admit, the best reason for putting anything in your mouth except, perhaps, a head of state. Limo rides are not cheap.

What was your favorite role? Mine was Christian in Cyrano, because frilly shirt. Also I got to sleep through act five.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: Sailor Jerry? You might at a pinch date Sailor Jerry but I can’t think why you’d drink him. Fave rôle? The twins in Ring Round the Moon; Brian in No Sex Please, We’re British; Gerald in Me and My Girl, because tap dancing; Follavoine in The Purging; and of course Algy in The Importance because prancing about.

@Benedick: Also Dark & Stormies – dark rum with ginger beer. Has that extra zing.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: Night Watchman in Lock Up Your Daughters. I can still remember most of the opening song: Nine o’clock on a fine summer’s night, and ALL’S WELLLLLLL…

@Mistress Cynica: Yes. Small-batch rum mixed with Reed’s Extra Ginger Brew is heavenly.

@mellbell: @Mistress Cynica: añejo, preferably Cuban, but Nicaraguan more than acceptable. Straight up, but with two cubes of ice if absolutely necessary.

As the natives explained to me: “anything more than a finger to stir it with is a waste of good rum”.

The Sunday reading posts seem to get the most comments. Just an observation and a reason to make this a never ending thread, like on Pharyngula.