Sodomists Off the Hook for Hurricane Sandy

Silly nojo – everyone knows buggery causes earthquakes, not hurricanes!

SPACE ALIENS IN LEAGUE WITH KENYAN MARXIST FASCIST COMMUNIST SOCIALIST ATHEIST DEVIL WORSHIPER MUSLINS!!

And what are my neighbors worried about as Hurricane Sandy approaches? Which restaurants are still open ….

And having tuned in, I can say with certainty that this is a hundred-year event for The Weather Channel.

@blogenfreude: It must be theoretically possible to correlate blame for natural disasters — who’s at fault for tornadoes? — but I have better things to do.

Obligatory:

http://vimeo.com/3528602

“It’s the queers – they’re in it with the aliens! They’re building LANDING STRIPS for GAY MARTIANS!”

OMG!!! We’re all going to die!!!

The weather ‘experts’ are doing a stellar job of running about with their hands in the air. Almost as good as the political ‘experts’.

I’ve never seen winds like this. The trees are already breaking. Yes, we will lose power. We’ve already had brief interruptions. The only question is when do we go dark for the duration (my God this is all so butch!) I’ve put the cars where they stand the best chance not to be hit by falling trees or parts thereof. I can only imagine what it’s like on the UWS. It can only be a matter of time before Zabar’s runs out of lox. Rain started about 90 mins ago and it’s still sporadic. It looks like we’ll just get clipped by the edge of the Area of Uncertainty.

There would seem to be three stories: the queers did it by wearing assless chaps on Sundays; Obama did it by turning his back on Israel while wearing assless chaps; Jebus did it to stop brown people from voting and to hand the election to God’s Champion, aka Romney. I predict a fourth story that will bring these disparate threads into one narrative of homo Muslim assless chaps wearing queers cowering in their condos, overawed by the majesty of traditional marriage as represented by the storm, unable to go to the polling stations to intimidate Christians into voting for the Muslim.

@Benedick: Fairway was open this morning, I am told – no word on Zabar’s. Presumably they still had lox. I am working my way through the stuff I froze – nothing to do with the beef stock but hope it doesn’t go bad if there’s an outage. In the back on an alley looking out on the rear of another building, so just the occasional gust and sporadic heavy rain. Enough wind to make the A/C units shudder, but no more at this point. No sporadic outages here.

@Benedick: Makes about as much sense as everything else those crackheads say.

FSM help me, I can’t wait until the election is over and (hopefully) our rubber-room ready, tongue-talking, snake-handling, relentlessly horrid national psychosis will abate, even if it’s just for a little while.

@¡Andrew!: Not a chance. If Obama wins, election conspiracies kick into overdrive. If Romney wins — well, life gets interesting.

Wasn’t Three Day Loop of Sandy an early unreleased album by the Pogues?

Down here in ONC, NoVA edition, the winds are fierce and the rain, wet. Since I don’t have intertubes or cable in my sublet, I’m using wifi in the lobby and watching the smokers and dog walkers come in and out with this look of wind battered terror. Except the dog walkers always get stopped by someone asking what fucking breed their little wet Fifi is.

I’m most worried that my windows will get blown in sometime tonight. I can deal with power outages, water cuts and loss of over the air television signals. But I hate waking up to shards of wet glass.

I see that Prom’s nesting place is underwater. Did plans for the Ark ever, um, float?

Blue skies, 73 degrees in Sandy Eggo. No earthquakes or fiery hellstorms forecast.

@nojo: Mudslides? Any mudslides?

@blogenfreude: Not in my part of The Southland. The most predictable disasters are when it rains and the drivers freak out.

@Benedick: so far I am rating this storm “UNDERPERFORM” – but that’s because I am out of harm’s way at the back of my building. Please post any photos you have of what’s going on in your neighborhood.

C’MON you lazy East Coast elite Stinquers! Put down your mug of spiked hot chocolate and your Macbook streaming old Mad Men eps on Netflix, put on your GoreTex and Wellies, grab your iPhones or your old school point-and-shoots, and get us some Disaster Porn! I want to see your branches swaying! Leaf litter on your car! A growing puddle on the sidewalk! You’re here for our vicarious thrills, so get off your assless chaps and document it!

@flippin eck: I may, or may not, point my GoPro 2 Hero out the window to show you the extent of the so far non-disaster. I shall not go outside … Mayor Bloomberg told me not to.

@flippin eck: I knew I was forgetting something when shopping for hurricane supplies! Some hot cocoa with Baileys would really hit the spot right now.

@mellbell: substitute vodka, rum, and half-and-half and you’ll be close …

@blogenfreude: As if I keep half-and-half around the house. But thanks for the suggestion anyway.

@Mellbell: When we had a crazy blizzard two years ago (the one that stranded all those cars on Lake Shore Drive), hot chocolate and Baily’s were the only storm supplies I worried about.

@mellbell: always have half-and-half – bought some at the end of September that doesn’t expire until mid-November … sturdy stuff.

So let me get this straight–The Gubbmint can’t run anything efficiently, but they can change the weather? OK.

@nojo: Incredibly, it’s sunny and 60 degrees in Sea-town aka Rain City. Those cheeky bahstahds flipped the script. And here I almost closed the office.

@nojo: There’ll be millions of racism-rage induced aneurysms the day after Bammerz is re-elected. And then a Latina lesbian will be elected in 2016, which will finish them off.

Atlantic City — three of my relatives live across the street from Absecon/Reeds Bay. One is on a corner, the other is across from slips and is on an aquifer, the other lives in Venice Park.

The surge at am high tide was 6 ft and didn’t go back at low tide. During tonight it’s expected to be at 9.5-10 ft above sea level.

Bye bye boats. Bye bye houses.

Jr is in philly for the duration and after. Tuna is his friend.

Hey! Check out my aunt’s house! http://www.pressofatlanticcity.com/gallery/news/hurricane-sandy-monday/collection_a1818eb6-21ba-11e2-9b00-0019bb2963f4.html

ADD: Dammit. That links to the photo gallery. Look for dude in yellow raincoat and house with outdoor stairs behind him.

I need a drink.

And Lorenzo Langford wins Fucktard of the Year: http://www.pressofatlanticcity.com/news/press/atlantic/christie-slams-atlantic-city-mayor-langford-for-sheltering-people-in/article_fd41f706-2212-11e2-a7b5-001a4bcf887a.html

ADD: And those “high-rise apartment buildings”? They’re housing projects.

We get chemtrails calls all the time where I work.

@¡Andrew!: Yeah. Saw a rainbow in Auburn. :-)

@nojo: +1 And they blame it on the engine oil on the road. That might hold some water.

#MittStormTips via Twitterverse:

My thoughts and prayers go out to 53% of you. In case of flooding, raise your car elevator to at least the 5th or 6th floor of your mansion. Stock up on extra housekeepers, kitchen staff, maintenance personnel. Mitt Romney urges Americans: “Stay in your mansions.” When a hurricane threatens your east coast waterfront property, move to your west coast waterfront property. Put your tax records in the basement, make sure it floods, and then run. For President. Don’t wait for FEMA. Pull yourself up out of the flooded city by your own bootstraps, hippie. Just buy a bigger yacht. If you don’t have the money for a bigger yacht, ask your parents!
Women, cook tomorrow’s dinner tonight in case you don’t have power tomorrow. Fellow investors, get ready for some new beachfront properties!

@blogenfreude: The first thing I did after the snow stopped during the blizzard of 1977 was phone around to find out which restaurants were open. My friend and I were the only diners in a nice little restaurant off Newbury Street in Back Bay. We smoked a nice little bone with the chef. It was quite the treat.

@karen marie still has her eyes tight shut: ah yes, “smoking bones”. Is there anything more perfectly linked to the 70s? I could go for one, and some Hot Tuna, right now.