NB to Chris Lee: Next Time, Use a Professional Photographer
Our guest columnist is totally not gay.
It’s early spring in Washington, D.C., and the cherry blossoms lining the Tidal Basin are bursting like kernels of popcorn, lending a fairy-tale feel to the nation’s bastion of power. But to catch a glimpse of the real Washington in action, you’d better arrive early. If you hit the street before 8 a.m., you may see the fittest man in Congress, U.S. Representative Aaron Schock of Illinois, clocking in for his 5-mile run — the conclusion of a morning fitness routine that starts in the House gym at 6:30 every weekday morning.
The Ripped Representative [Men’s Health]
Even at my best, my abs never ever looked like that. Ever.
Takes way more dedication than I have… and vanity.
OK, Aaron, OK, we get it. Jeezus. You need a hung stud. To paraphrase The Onion, “you need to to get screwed so hard your fillings come loose. To get porked rotten. To have your sugar wall churned into cotton candy. To taste the sweaty tang of a man’s thickening shaft. To have your ass ridden raw all the way to San Antonio. To break it off so nasty that the very angels in heaven have to avert their eyes. To be thrown around like a rag doll, back and forth, upside down, fucked, stuffed, and pounded till you honk like a goose. To have your ass drilled like a well of West Texas crude. To get split in half by Dominican twins with balls like grape melons.”
Abs ahoy! Now get your ankles on my shoulders and let’s do some constituent feedback.
Do these abs make my ass look straight?
I can’t even bring myself to hatefuck him.
@ManchuCandidate: It takes makeup and photoshop.
And, he fessed.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B9W8bGvjTp-/?igshid=8vunuj4z1wi4
BURR DEMING • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 Thank you for this, nojo. He was a wonderful talent and, by all accounts, a wonderful human…
NOJO • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 Oh, and there’s a Catholic church across the street. Maybe I can do a little dance for them!
NOJO • Tom Lehrer, 1928-2025 Now that I’m in NYC, plenty of pigeons to poison in his honor.
NOJO • All the Vice President's Men 2025 update: Nothing happened. And here we are!
MANCHUCANDIDATE • Weeping Angel Imagine going from hope to Fascism in less than two decades enabled by greedy ass (millionaire)…
NOJO • Nightmare at the Museum From the last time he threatened to bomb Iran, 2020. Remember that one? All a misty blur now.
NOJO • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @ManchuCandidate: I have birthright citizenship in Cascadia, so I think I’m good.
MANCHUCANDIDATE • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @nojo: Only the sane parts... like the West coast, New England (minus the Bruins and…
NOJO • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @ManchuCandidate: So, can you guys annex us now?
MANCHUCANDIDATE • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! PP is done. 51st state, my ass.