So much to choose from… Troopergate… Creationism… That voice that takes the F out of GILF…

Hey, let’s start with her vicious attacks on polar bears!

Earlier this month, the state of Alaska under Palin’s guidance sued Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne in an attempt to reverse his decision to list polar bears as a threatened species. Palin said that scientists’ predictions that global warming will eliminate the ice where the bears live in summer were unreliable.

We all know that six years in the Wasilla mayoral mansion gave Palin a unique authority on climatology, but she instead chose to base her opposition on “a comprehensive review by state wildlife officials of scientific information from a broad range of climate, ice and polar bear experts.”

Just one problem: She lied.

Unless, of course, those “state wildlife officials” somehow didn’t include three marine-mammals specialists in the Alaska Department of Fish and Game who agreed with nine studies the Feds cited in support of the endangered-species listing.

So as far as our naughty librarian is concerned, the polar bears are toast. Say, when’s the next helicopter bear hunt?

Palin questioned whether global warming is melting Arctic ice [McClatchy]

Sources: Obama picks Joe Biden as VP candidate [CNN]

Obama to Name Sen. Joseph Biden As Vice Presidential Running Mate [WSJ]

Breaking: Obama selects Joe Biden as his VP running mate [LAT]

Obama Chooses Biden as Running Mate [NYT]

The ticket: Obama-Biden [Politico]

(From left: Barack Obama, Rick Warren, Rick Warren, and Sam Brownback.)

The Saddleback Roundup starts at 7 8 p.m. Eastern, CNN, MSNBC and Fox will be broadcasting it, and we’re desperately seeking excuses not to liveblog it.

Unless Bob Barr storms the sanctuary, of course. Nothing spices up an event like a purpose-driven Libertarian.

Update: Make that 8 p.m. Eastern. We’ll be lining up our livebrews around 7:45.

Barr goes to court to demand entry into Saddleback Church [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

At the Iowa State Fair, John McCain participates in a tableaux honoring his cogenerationist Thomas Nast. In a related story, Dick Cheney will speak the first night of the Republican convention.

McCain at the Iowa State Fair [NYT]

Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers will simultaneously publish inspirational picture book biographies of Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton. The exceptional accomplishments of these larger-than-life politicians will be highlighted in their individual illustrated biographies.
—PR Newswire

Hillary Hears a Who

Oh, no.
I can not hear your call.
I can not hear your call at all.
This is not good
and I know why.
A mouse has cut the wire.
Good-by!

Hop on McPop

I do not like
this one so well.
All he does
is yell, yell, yell.
I will not have this one about.
When he comes in
I put him out.

The Barack in the Hat

Did you ever
fly a kite
in bed?

Did you ever walk
with ten cats
on your head?

Did you ever milk
this kind of cow?
Well, we can do it.
We know how.

If you never did,
you should.
These things are fun
and fun is good.

Hillary vs. Obama in the children’s book smackdown [Boston.com]

In what is either the greatest threat to Western civilization since fluoridation, or the solution to a Malthusian future where riots break out over suspiciously tasty green crackers, researchers have discovered a link between soy consumption and reduced male fertility.

And the soy industry is not taking it laying down.

Nigel Duffin, who runs the Soya Protein Association when he’s not moonlighting as lead guitar for Spinal Tap, claims the Harvard report fails to tell the whole load-blowing story:

Several studies have been conducted into soya and fertility, including a study undertaken in 2001, where healthy young men where supplemented with soya during a two-month period. Ejaculated volume, sperm concentration, count and motility of sperm cells were not affected. No soya study with humans has ever shown a negative relationship between soya and sperm mobility and quality.

Duffin goes on to point out that since Asians fuck like bunnies, the Harvard researchers must have overlooked more obvious causes. But the more pressing question is this: What are the protocols for those studies? And when will Whole Foods start stocking Soy Porn?

Soya not the cause of low sperm counts [Guardian UK]

Obama trip could push rock-star persona to new heights [Fox]

Hysteria alert: Barack Obama starts world tour [Times UK]

Networks follow Obama overseas [Reuters]

Poll: Obama elicits more excitement than McCain [USA Today]

Obama-palooza [MSNBC]