The Running of the Bullshit

Our guest columnist is CNBC.

10 am, Friday, August 23

BREAKING: Fed chair Powell in Jackson Hole speech: No ‘rulebook’ on trade, pledges the Fed will ‘act as appropriate’ to sustain the economy

10:07 am

Stocks jump to session highs & Dow turns positive after Powell’s Jackson Hole speech

10:43 am

Dow, Nasdaq, S&P 500 now all in positive territory after Powell speech

10:45 am

BREAKING: After Fed chair’s Jackson Hole speech, Trump tweets: “Who is our bigger enemy, Jay [Powell] or Chairman Xi?”

11:04 am

BREAKING: Stocks plunge after Trump tweets that he will respond to new China tariffs today and says “American companies are hereby ordered to immediately start looking for an alternative to China”

11:07 am

BREAKING: S&P 500 slides more than 1% after Trump orders U.S. companies to “start looking for an alternative to China”

11:15 am

Dow briefly falls more than 410 points after Trump’s latest tweet thread on China tariffs

11:18 am

UPS, Amazon, FedEx shares drop after Trump tweets: “I am ordering all carriers, including Fed Ex, Amazon, UPS and the Post Office, to SEARCH FOR & REFUSE…all deliveries of Fentanyl from China (or anywhere else!).”

11:43 am

Stocks hit new session lows, with Dow sliding 430 points and Nasdaq falling more than 2%

11:49 am

President Trump is meeting right now with his trade advisors, a source tells CNBC’s @EamonJavers.

1:04 pm

BREAKING: Dow slides more than 510 points to new session low

1:44 pm

JUST IN: The National Retail Federation tells @CNBC that “it is unrealistic for American retailers to move out of the world’s second largest economy” after President Trump ordered companies to “start looking for an alternative to China”

3:38 pm

Stocks fall to fresh lows for the day; Dow off more than 610 points

3:57 pm

BREAKING: Stock sell-off picks up as Dow plunges more than 740 points

4:02 pm

Dow finishes down less than 630 points after falling 745; Nasdaq ends lower by 3%, S&P 500 closes down 2.5%

Trainwreckspotter: @nycsouthpaw

I can’t bear to look at my “retirement” accounts.

Lesbian Space Crimes are the relief we need from reading The Daily Bullshit, and coincidently the title of my new book.

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