Life on Mars

Hello, Marvin? This is Wall-E.

As it happens, we were called away to the Ancestral Home last week to Settle All Family Business, so we missed pretty much the entire Decline & Fall — The Tape, The Debate, Ken Bone, The Whatever-The-Opposite-Of-Bimbo-Eruptions Is. And, arriving back at Mile-High Stinque Domination Headquarters, all that was left was predictions/fears of post-election mayhem.

Oh, and this thing tonight.

If you’re a fan of Awkward Comedies, we imagine watching moderator Chris Wallace straddling between pretending to be a journalist and toeing the Fox News line might be entertaining, but not as entertaining as Donald Trump attempting to belittle him on Twitter tomorrow. (“Blood coming out of his wherever” doesn’t work here, so suggestions welcome.)

Short of that, this is your last chance to take a dump on Trump in real-time, for which we offer our Presidential Debate Open Thread/Pooper Scooper for your vitriolic pleasure. It’ll be the greatest meltdown you’ve ever seen, believe us.

53 comments:

1:48 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

@nojo: Hope all is OK. (hugz)

1:53 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

Just in case you’d like to kiss that last molecule of faith in humanity or a higher power buh-bye, start reading some of the widely circulating interviews with undecided voters in places like Florida, who will determine the election outcome. It’s also great for weight loss, since your meals will make a violent reappearance in under five paragraphs, guaranteed.

2:41 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

@¡Andrew!: Stuffing Parental Units into Assisted Living residence. The past three months have been really weird.

2:52 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

Seems pretty obvious to me that the most potent attack on Chris Wallace would be something along the lines of how far he fell from the tree, in contrast to the Trump men, who are consistently awful generation upon generation, from Fred on down. Maybe Barron will break the pattern by not following in his dad’s footsteps now that the Donald’s awfulness is apparent to all but the most willfully ignorant. I’m pulling for you, kid!

3:13 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

@nojo: Sounds pretty emotionally draining. Hope you’re not feeling too overwhelmed by it all.

3:16 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

@mellbell: With parents in their 80s, the emotional part was baked in years ago. But the details surrounding Senior Living options are totally bewildering, and the practical arrangements exhausting.

On the other hand, the actual digs are pretty sweet. My brother and I are jealous.

5:29 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

@nojo: Perhaps I should have said emotionally and mentally draining. Like, I mostly accept that my parents are growing older and that my time with them is limited,* but even setting that part of it aside, just thinking about all the arrangements that will have to be made (particularly in my mom’s case) is exhausting.

*If only in the sense that I don’t have kids yet and they aren’t really on the horizon, so any future kids of mine may not get the chance to know and appreciate their grandparents as fellow adults, which is something I’d hate for them to miss out on.

8:49 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

God, I wish Hunter S. Thompson were around for this.

8:53 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

@mellbell: He’d probably just shoot himself live out the fireworks cannon this time. He was at his best covering insanity disguised aa normalcy.

9:03 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

UNLV: Good For Something Other Than Basketball, Really!

9:08 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

@mellbell: Trump-Tark 2016!

9:23 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

The sniffles are back!

9:27 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

How does she not burst out laughing when he says “bigly”?

9:33 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

@mellbell: Too busy concentrating on which stick to poke him with next.

9:41 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

He can’t let the nuclear defense question go. Ignoring the question about job creation to go back to it. Not a good look.

9:41 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

“Mrs. Clinton, how do you expect getting any of your policies through a GOP House?”

9:47 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

In other news, Cubs whooping the Dodgers 4-0.

9:52 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

I don’t know which is better: Trump muttering “Wrong” while Clinton is speaking, which he’s done many times before, including earlier tonight, or Trump mouthing “Wrong,” which he just did for, I think, the first time.

9:53 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

@mellbell: “A woman will be President before the Cubs win the World Series.”

9:55 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

“Donald thinks belittling women makes him bigger.” DING DING DING!

10:10 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

Sure hope those Nevada voters in the audience are laughing at him, not with him.

10:27 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

His insinuation that she is still involved in carrying out foreign policy is certainly not the weirdest conspiracy theory he’s plucked from the right-wing fever swamps, but it’s still bizarre.

10:30 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

@mellbell: I’m still wondering how she was supposed to get policies past Shrub.

10:37 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

Chuck Todd: “This was the closest thing we had to a normal debate.”

10:38 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

Yet again, Clinton works the crowd while Trump huddles with his family on stage.

10:38 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

Not seeing ObamaBro in the audience shots.

10:40 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

PALIN! Someone get a camera in front of that woman!

10:44 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

@mellbell: To the Spin Room!

10:45 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

Trump has left the building. Clinton is still shaking hands.

10:49 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

@nojo: Like the blurb. Perhaps Manchu can expand on it?

10:54 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

@mellbell: Soon as he’s done helping build the Canadian Wall.

11:59 pm • Wednesday • October 19, 2016

HRC’s campaigns already has http://nastywomengetshitdone.com registered and redirecting to the campaign donation page.

12:45 am • Thursday • October 20, 2016

@Mistress Cynica: Saucy Women too, it would seem.

8:38 am • Thursday • October 20, 2016

@Mistress Cynica: Best thing I’ve read this week.

10:54 am • Thursday • October 20, 2016

Remember when George HW Bush glanced at his watch then lost the election? Those were the dayz.

12:05 pm • Thursday • October 20, 2016

@¡Andrew!: Gore sighed. Disqualifying! Except for the more-popular-votes part.

12:43 pm • Thursday • October 20, 2016

Frank Luntz tweeted that, based on the dial testing in his focus group, one of Clinton’s best moments last night was “standing up for the election system” against Trump’s well documented efforts to undermine it, while Trump’s best moment was “hitting $6 billion lost by Hillary’s State Dept.,” which (surprise, surprise) is an utterly false accusation. And yet the focus group still favored Trump over Hillary, 14-12. Makes you wonder.

1:33 pm • Thursday • October 20, 2016

@mellbell: It’s Luntz, so I’m wary of his results, even when after previous debates they favored Hillary.

4:11 pm • Thursday • October 20, 2016

You’d think that the neo-nutsie Far Wrong would be thrilled by the prospect of Hillbot winning, since it’ll mean that the big bux Clinton Investigation Industrial Complex will be working triple overtime for the next decade muckraking the Clintons’ countless upcoming political, financial, sexual, and ethical scandals. Even Glenn ‘saucer people/reverse vampires’ Beck is on board. What’s their problem?

6:18 pm • Thursday • October 20, 2016

@¡Andrew!:
The money (aka Koch Bros) left the building.

Also Beck is now a pro Hils reverse vampire

8:44 pm • Thursday • October 20, 2016

Dirty blond hair and pink lips
Facts fly from her finger tips
Echoed voices in the night
She’s a vengeful spirit on an endless fight

Woo hoo, Nasty woman
See how mean she fights
Woo hoo, Nasty woman
She got the Turd in her sights

She held me spellbound in the night
Exchanging words in a verbal fire fight
Crazy laughter from the pulpit
When she called the Turd a Putin puppet

Woo hoo, Nasty woman
See how mean she fights
Woo hoo, Nasty woman
She got the Turd in her sights

10:05 pm • Thursday • October 20, 2016

wait wait wait wait wait. if hillary wins, bill will be 1st general?

11:28 pm • Thursday • October 20, 2016

@JNOV:

Re: Juhjez

OK, so for the most part I agree with the Strangler’s 2016 endorsements. I also recommend consulting the Progressive Voters Guide. We’re really fortunate to have so many outstanding judicial candidates.

I wanna give a special shout out to Mary Yu, our state’s (nation’s?) first out, Asian, lesbian supreme court justice, who graciously presided over the marriage of me and my hubby. Mary Yu is gonna marry you. She and her supporters marched in the Pride parade with a banner that said “I LOVE YU!” She is truly a state treasure and should be re-elected for all eternity, amen.

The one judicial candidate on which I disagree with their endorsement is state supreme court chief justice Barbara Madsen. In Andersen v. King County in 2006, she wrote one of the most notoriously anti-gay, shamelessly illogical, and intentionally dishonest judicial opinions in our country’s history. She wrote that “DOMA is constitutional because the legislature was entitled to believe that limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples furthers procreation, essential to the survival of the human race, and furthers the well-being of children by encouraging families where children are reared in homes headed by the children’s biological parents.” Also, she wrote that DOMA doesn’t discriminate against homosexuals because we’re free to marry anyone of the opposite sex. If you’ve ever wanted to read AM hate-radio in a judicial opinion mocking a minority, this is it. I would spit in her face if I ever saw her in person. But I’m not bitter, tee hee hee.

11:06 am • Friday • October 21, 2016

@ManchuCandidate: Not the direction I was expecting you to go in, but I like it!

6:39 pm • Friday • October 21, 2016

Apparently the entire Internet crashed and I never noticed. So I’m cool with Armageddon so long as I have an hours-long meeting to distract me.

9:37 pm • Friday • October 21, 2016

@nojo: DDoSing in a new way – they used CCTV personal cell phones? Dude. (I only caught snippets on NPR.)

@¡Andrew!: Yah – got my ballot yesterday. Thank you! Thank you! Yeah, I like the Progressive Voters Guide. Fuck Barbara Madsen (I think I know one of her Utard relatives). Dude – I hate those fucking initiatives. HATE. THEM. Written to obfuscate whatever the fuck they really plan to do and confuse the likes of me.

9:41 pm • Friday • October 21, 2016

Back to Hillary last night…for some reason, when I turn on my TV, it’s tuned to CSPAN. It just so happened that when I got off work, she was starting her speech. Just enough times, not always, but just enough, her jokes were good human being telling jokes. Sometimes, meh. Yet and still, I liked.

10:29 pm • Friday • October 21, 2016

@JNOV: Webcams, it seems — Internet of Things gadgets in general, since they are notoriously unsecure and (now) easily corralled into botnets.

This ain’t the first one, but it’s the first with this kind of public impact. There will be more.

1:54 am • Saturday • October 22, 2016

@nojo: Oh honey, that’s never fun or even remotely funny. Sending you big cynical hugs and I promise that Benedick & I won’t mock your feet in socks and Birkenstocks for at least half an hour.

1:56 am • Saturday • October 22, 2016

@nojo: Oh shit, don’t let Libertarian Tool the Cubbies fan see that smack.

But yes you raise a good point.

2:02 am • Saturday • October 22, 2016

@JNOV: Speaking of elections, Mr. SFL and I spent almost 3 hours going through 500 pages of state and local initiative guides, plus school board statements. We had a total of 56 local and state ballot initiatives to vote on. Our vote-by-mail ballots were 8 pages.

At a certain point we kept screaming “NO” every time we hit a local ballot initiative (Proposition A through Proposition X) after one or the other said: “Should we be dealing with this [NO!!!!] versus our Board of Supes who make double our salaries actually doing their fucking jobs?”

2:23 pm • Wednesday • October 26, 2016

@ManchuCandidate: Speaking of song parodies, either you’ve changed your Gawkerverse handle or you’ve got some competition, because this is brilliant. Apologies for the Tiffany earworm (though, as is usually the case, the original is better).

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