Why I Am Not Running for President

  • Don Rickles unavailable to ghostwrite insults.
  • Wife refuses to rehearse Adoring Gaze for when I’m caught with exotic Eastern European hooker.
  • Satanic coven won’t release me from Vows.

  • Superdelegates say they’re preoccupied fighting Batman when asked for support.
  • Buzzfeed will uncover my Seventies cable-access disco show.
  • All the good Ben & Jerry’s flavors are taken.
  • Not prepared to deal with Chris Matthews tweetysplaining how Tip O’Neill worked with Ronald Reagan.
  • Political advisers warn that voters can handle only one asshole Mike Lee at a time.
  • America would never elect a fiftysomething white male.
  • Nobody asked.
This Paul Ryan Video Sure Looks A Lot Like A 2016 Campaign Ad [TPM]

19 comments:

1:18 am • Sunday • April 10, 2016

Or maybe everything you have pushed from the Ayn Rand skule of science fiction economics has proven to be hopeless bullshit that doesn’t work in the real world.

But mostly because nobody asked.

12:31 pm • Sunday • April 10, 2016

@ManchuCandidate: The value of a Paul Ryan nomination is that it would piss everybody off, which is why I’m announcing my full support for it.

4:14 pm • Sunday • April 10, 2016

@nojo: Paul Ryan is a close second to Ted Cruz in the Department of Backpfeifengesicht.

6:16 pm • Sunday • April 10, 2016

@SanFranLefty: Made me look. Worthy accompaniment to schadenfreude.

11:59 am • Monday • April 11, 2016

@SanFranLefty: but Newt tops them all … just hope I never see him on the street.

7:22 pm • Monday • April 11, 2016

@SanFranLefty: @blogenfreude: Okay, now I smell a Stinque feature…

Not sure about the mechanics yet, but a Backpfeifengesicht list is definitely something that interests me. Cheney would command the top entry until his batteries fail, but other folks and entities would move in and out as demerited. (Hastert, North Carolina, and so on.)

Anyway, I’m due for some mild programming/redesign (no fear, very mild), and that fills a hole that opened up in my considerations.

11:00 pm • Monday • April 11, 2016

Soooooooo, cautious politician time. I didn’t know that was a thing.

9:25 am • Tuesday • April 12, 2016

@JNOV: It takes a lot to make me gasp these days, but when I read the “joke” set-up by Hillbot and DeBlasio, I gasped. Sister Souljah moment, take 2?

@nojo: I learned of that word thanks to this article by a neurologist about why do so many people have a visceral reaction to see pictures of Ted Cruz where we have an overwhelming urge to punch him in the face. A former workplace had a list similar to that (I forget what the list was called – Asshole of the Week) where we had politicians/public figures names written and taped to magnets and we rearranged them on a board in the conference room. Cheney and Kissinger would have to have permanent top placement.

11:01 am • Tuesday • April 12, 2016

@JNOV: HillRat tweeted yesterday he doesn’t dare enjoy a watermelon around white folk. Somebody will inevitably get stupid about it.

That said, didn’t know about CPT (either version) at all. That also said, I’m from Oregon.

12:51 am • Wednesday • April 13, 2016

@SanFranLefty: @nojo: Yeah…I saw it on my kid’s FB wall, and I didn’t know that he’d heard of it. I called him and asked him how he knew what that meant. He claims he might have heard me say it. I don’t think so.

My great aunts would say, “Where’s So and So? We told him the party started 30 minutes early, because he’s always on CP time.” “Why is this ________ starting so late? They must be on CP time.”

BUT when an employer or someone who might have some serious influence over your life says “We don’t operate on CP time,” that’s a little different.

And Lefty – one of your classmates had a bumper sticker that said, “Indian Time is Coming,” but that’s just fucking brilliant.

Everyone else in the world is just, how do you say it? Late.

12:30 pm • Wednesday • April 13, 2016

@JNOV: Thanks for the lesson. Never heard it growing up in Delawhere? I guess I was sheltered but I could probably reel off a dozen alternatives to the N word without thinking too hard.

If you were late in school here you were tardy. Haven’t heard that word used much anymore either.

3:22 pm • Wednesday • April 13, 2016

@DElurker: I’m not surprised. It just seems so old-timey to me. IDK where Hillary and friends even came up with that ish. I’m 49, and I don’t think I’ve heard it for 20+ years.

Dumbass dated BS.

ETA: Tardy! Yup! Truant officers – we had those.

3:53 pm • Wednesday • April 13, 2016

@JNOV: My understanding is that the gag came from de Blasio or his office. And maybe he felt comfy with it because his wife is black, so maybe he didn’t consider how it would play on a stage of white folk. It’s probably hilarious in the kitchen.

9:02 pm • Wednesday • April 13, 2016

@nojo: +1

8:04 am • Thursday • April 14, 2016

@JNOV: I had tardy drilled into me in Catlick school. Some Silicone Sally brought it back with a song a few years ago.

When I looked up CP Time I came across an interesting article on the Root website. And I just thought it was privileged athletes with the issue.

9:28 am • Thursday • April 14, 2016

Isn’t Joe Paterno dead?

/wondering

4:41 pm • Thursday • April 14, 2016

@SanFranLefty: Only in the physical sense. His spirit as a pedophile apologist lives on.

11:31 pm • Friday • April 15, 2016

“[T]he country’s political realm was ‘smeared with excrement from top to bottom.’ ”

#trending

11:33 pm • Friday • April 15, 2016

@DElurker: Yeah, back to CPT. The first thing that comes to mind is a VA treatment for PTSD. (Too much homework.)

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