Bristol Palin and Melissa Rivers switch lives on ‘Wife Swap’

HIs this the sign of the End Times? “Single mom Bristol Palin recently left the rural confines of her hometown of Wasilla, Alaska, to trade places with reality star Melissa Rivers on the season premiere of ABC’s “Celebrity Wife Swap.” The teen abstinence advocate had a chance to live the life of a busy Hollywood mogul when she moved in with Rivers’ mother, famed comedian Joan Rivers, into their sprawling Los Angeles mansion.” [Fox News]


Celebrity? Neither of them are celebrities.

Doesn’t the premise of “Wife Swap” imply that there is a stranger spouse to contend with? Is Melissa Rivers going to hook up with Bristol’s baby daddy?

@SanFranLefty: thought about that meself … it really should be called “Shill Swap” or similar. Yet this one, this one might make me break my rule against watching such things.

@SanFranLefty: ew.

Incidentally, these two are as good an argument against evolution as any…

It’s over, really. Just waiting for the meteor to hit earth and put us out of our misery.

The best part about being on the West/Left Coast?

(Besides the many obvious reasons).

We get to watch Mad Men again, from the beginning, while not trying to feed ourselves or the cat.

Apparently everyone wants to go to California for a fresh start.

@SanFranLefty: have not started Mad Men for reasons which may seem, at this point … without reason. Breaking Bad? Caught up. MM … we need a long weekend to start it … what say you?

I finally got around to seeing the new Star Trek movie. I finally understand what all the Benedict Cumberbatch fuss is about. That fight between him and ZQ (spoiler alert) was hawt!

But I’m still not going to call myself a Cumberbitch.

@SanFranLefty: So many conflicting feelings about tonight’s episode.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Have you seen Sherlock? Or Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy?

@mellbell: I’m a big fan of the new Sherlock. Are you watching this season of Inspector Lewis? Looks like they may be wrapping up the series.

@Dodgerblue: Intriguing. Netflix has Series 1-3.

I saw Nigel: Man of Steel last night in IMAX 3-D. As the actor Ernest Thesiger said when asked what it was like to take part in the battle of Mons, “My dear, the people. And the noise!

I haven’t a clue what it was about. I spent the final 30 mins with my fingers in my ears. I don’t know what I was expecting but it was at least some level of competence. Gay Superman is sweet (he’s 33, unmarried, doesn’t have a gf and is into spandex and rôle play. You do the math). He’s like a wussified Hugh Dancy, but with pecs. Being English he’s almost ineffectual enough to defuse the inherent fascism of the premise. The movie goes to 11 with the first frame and stays there for two and a half hours blaring at you. So nothing counts, nothing makes an impact because everything is so in your face. The audience is given no time to rest, no time to think or even to see anything it all goes by so fast.

It’s exhausting. And boring beyond belief. It’s more boring than Christie’s The Mousetrap and that is the most boring thing I know.

BTW, I also just saw Django Unchained which I thought was totally motherfucking wonderful.

@Benedick: Now, see, I really liked Django, but it leaves a basic question unanswered: Why does Schultz sacrifice everything to help Django? Is he simply a diehard (pun intended) romantic? Perhaps it’s irrelevant. But it just gnawed at me once the lights went up.

@Benedick: Totally agree with you on Man of Steel. I loved all of the actors–especially Amy Adams, who’s at the top of her game–and of course Mr. Muscle Bear, Henry Cavill. I was completely on board for the first half, and then Zac Snyder blew the second half apart with intelligence-insulting plot holes, openly illogical choices, and hour-long, aggravating, video game-style FX sequences that could only generously be described as epilepsy-inducing. I’ve permanently sworn off big, loud, aggressively stupid Hollywood blockbusters as a result.

@mellbell: At what point of his sacrifice?

When he shoots you-know-who? Or when he is intrigued by the challenge? Loved S L Jackson as Fafnir. I thought the way the writer fused the characters’ motivations with the clichés of the genre was beyond brilliant.

@¡Andrew!: I know. He came out of the sea without his shirt on and I thought maybe I should have worn a raincoat after all, but it didn’t last. It was right back to all explosions, all the time. But I’m with you. I guess I won’t be seeing Pacific Rim. Though to be honest I did think that was about having sex with Asian boys.

@Benedick: Silent Creative Partner walked out of Superman. Silent Creative Partner doesn’t walk out of anything. Silent Creative Partner doesn’t even walk out of Adam Sandler movies.

@nojo: Adam Sandler is talented. Maybe he makes lousy movies but he has talent. Nothing about Nigel: Man of Steel bespeaks talent. Plus the 3-D is like the stereopticons of Catt’s boyhood. Yes, that far back.

@SanFranLefty: “She always loved the sea” made me laugh so hard I was ashamed.

@Benedick: Adam Sandler doesn’t make lousy movies. Adam Sandler makes unbearable movies.

@nojo: Unless you came of age in the ’90s, in which case Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore are classics.

@¡Andrew!: I was surprised that the Indian Child Welfare Act case came out the way it did. I was there for the argument and thought that the biological Dad would keep the kid.

@mellbell: Generational comparison would be Animal House, which I can’t stand, even though it was filmed on campus my freshman year.

ADD: And my Mom likes Caddyshack. Maybe Dad’s joke that he found me in a garbage can is true.

@mellbell: Besides me?

Coming off a Golden Age of Woody Allen/Mel Brooks/Airplane, I found that run of Animal House-inspired Stupid Comedies positively insulting in their laziness. They weren’t even trying.

@nojo and Benedick: Ingrates!

I HATE Adam Sandler, but I liked the one where he was a golfer, and you don’t like Caddyshack? Next you’ll be saying you don’t like It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, World.

(On pain meds. Be gentle.)

@¡Andrew!: Exactamundo

@Dodgerblue: Wait. What happened? My friend, (half blood and adopted by white folks) got into it with ex-husband (full blood). He took the kids to the rez during his visitation and never brought them back. Case was heard in tribal court, and he would have won had he not pretended one of the kids was kidnapped. (Kid was found eating a hamburger at a truck stop with his paternal uncle.)

Bizarre. I was deposed. I didn’t like it.

I hate Woody Allen. I don’t get him. I remember seeing Sleeper when I was nine. It was gross.

@JNOV: Next you’ll be saying you don’t like It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, World.

“Not My Era” is the best I can say for it. No point hating on it, since the Seventies stuff that really inspired me hadn’t happened yet.

(ADD: The inevitable parody? It’s a World, World, World, World, Mad. Boy Nojo really liked that.)

I remember seeing Sleeper when I was nine. It was gross.

The Orgasmatron is one of the highlights of American culture.

The Orgasmatron is one of the highlights of American culture. I’m sure it was lost on prepubescent me. I just can’t get part the Sun Li thing to give his films another shot.

It’s a World, World, World, World, Mad. Is this a real movie?

So much was not my epoch, but still…

Now that I am legally gorked out of my motherfucking mind (thanks lumbar spine!), it’s time to read some sci-fi (walking in the clouds: An Anthology of Indigenous Science Fiction). Hoping for lucid dreams…

@nojo: You never heard of classics? Oh. Right. You haven’t seen Mad Mad World in Cinerama and I have. You know what else I saw in Cinerama? Krakatoa, East of Java.

@JNOV: I’ve never seen Caddyshack. I’ve led a sheltered life.

@Benedick: The Gopher and Mumbling Bumbling Billy Murray. Good stuff.

What’s this Krackatoa film about? Catt’s assless chaps?

@Mistress Cynica: I thought the entire episode was pretty good, which surprised me because I thought Season 6 pretty much blew. And that line was sooo Pete, nowhatimean?

@mellbell: Gilmore was great. What’s the one where he thinks he’s going to die and Seth Rogen becomes his pal? Not too bad. He’s the Stephen King of Comedies.

@JNOV: It’s a World, World, World, World, Mad. Is this a real movie? Mad Magazine parody, I believe.

Love the 7th Samurai and Ikiru. Rashomon, not so much. Well, I kept falling asleep.

@Benedick: True. For that matter, I didn’t get 2001 until I saw a battered 70mm print. All Kubrick requires Massive Scale — The Shining just doesn’t work on a small screen. Kubrick paints on walls.

@flypaper: He shoots, he scores! Like many kids of my time, I learned about all movies from Mad.

@JNOV: It was the movie to follow A Space Odyssey into the Warner Bros flagship movie house on Broadway that is now a parking lot. I saw it the morning it opened with a bunch of stoners hoping lightning was about to strike twice. It didn’t.

Krakatoa was, or is, a volcano in Indonesia that created the greatest known explosion when it erupted at the end of the 19th cent. I believe it was actually west of Java. The ash cloud darkened the skies over Paris and London.

@flypaper: Ah. I wasn’t allowed to read that. >:/

@Benedick: Never saw Krakatoa. Just the TV ads.

@Benedick: Ah. Bet it made for pretty sunsets. That’s what they kept telling us about Mt. Pinatubo…

@nojo: He shoots, he scores! Like many kids of my time, I learned about all movies from Mad.


All I learned about Demon Possession I learned from Christian Archies comics.

@nojo: The opening with the sun rising above the planet and the moon seen from the fourth row centre was something to see. One can never really explain the impact movies made in their own time. Though they can be appreciated now they don’t belong in the present any more. For example, it’s hard to understand these days how extraordinary the color was in Doctor Zhivago. Such richness and subtlety were entirely new. Now they’re expected.

@Benedick: After childhood years watching Wizard of Oz on a black & white TV, I remember the first time I saw it in color. I thought they had lost the original first reel.

TJ/ Not the MSNBC Ad is trying to sell me tablecloths for an upcoming party. ? The only thing I’ve been googling, besides Toradol, is apartment security alarms. Maybe Google thinks I’m trying to protect the plastic flatware from non-existent friends.

Have youse guys seen the restordish Metropolis?

@JNOV: For a short period of time, Dad wouldn’t let me read Mad. Then, one day, he relented. Soon after that, he started borrowing it.

@JNOV: I saw the gussied-up Metropolis when it first came out. Being something of a film snob at the time, I didn’t appreciate the modernizations.

@nojo: :-) A lot of my middle school friends had it and Kinky Freidman albums and kind of sane parents who looked for their next spouse in the Parent Dating Pool.

The closest I got to any fun was Sunday night Dr. Demento on my digital clock radio, which my mother set to the classical music station and I’d have to switch back if I heard her coming. That was kind of okay besides being a dick move on her part. Fauré’s Pavane was how the station signed off. I loved that.

@nojo: The one I saw had the lost reels and indicated where parts were missing.

I’m wasting my gork! (Not really.)

Why are we hating on Melissa Rivers? Joan totally should have gotten The Tonight Show.

@flypaper: Funny People. Haven’t seen it, but it’s in the Netflix queue, right after about three hundred other movies. It’ll be interesting to see how Sandler has aged (the last movie of his I saw was Waterboy), plus I really enjoy Seth Rogen (just not on Arrested Development) and Leslie Mann. “Stephen King of Comedies” is a great line, by the way.

@mellbell: Funny People doesn’t work, but it’s a respectable attempt. For that matter, Sandler acquits himself well in Punch-Drunk Love. But neither of those are Adam Sandler Movies.

Related: I like Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine. And absolutely nothing else.

@nojo: Does that include In Living Color?

Pops confiscated ours, once, according to my older brother. Problem was that he hid them with his Playboys.

By the time I read the former, the latter were appreciably dated.

@JNOV: I worship Joan Rivers. I saw her live and went back stage though I refused to have a photo taken with her. Enough is enough. That woman is a force of nature. I’ve never seen the Red Carpet thing on account of usually having my head up my ass.

BTW. Carbon Offset Willow is close to 10 feet. I need to prune it some. It’s growing three or four trunks and I want it to have one.

Hey, guess what. Not content with Spiderman: The Musical we are now to be treated to King Kong: the Musical. It’s coming from Strine with a $45M budget. I expect it will be very loud.

@Benedick: Hug her for me. Be gentle with the shears?

Yesterday I almost mentioned Spiderman, but I didn’t want to be cruel. Anyone injured recently, or did it have its run?

@Benedick: Look, if they can do it with Frankensteeen, what’s the harm?

King Kong? Really?

Gorrila grabs my mane
Holding me tight as he swats the plane
No cage will hold his rage
Being denied jungle love

@flypaper: Early Seventies Mad showed more bush.

@JNOV: “Anyone injured recently?” Does the chronic pain caused by All Things Bono count?

@nojo: We are talking about the magazine where you folded the last page accordion style and saw a different picture? The one with the Alfred kid? Uh. That Alfred kid’s face was on the entrance to a pier in Atlantic City. I think.

Er. Not him.

See? I don’t even recognize him!

@JNOV: Alfred E. Neuman actually precedes Mad — not by name, but the rough illustration was floating around the culture for years. Norman Mingo formalized the version we know now.

@nojo: Okay — I don’t feel so stupid. I thought it was weird to have him on the Steeplechase pier.

Anyone besides nojo watch Awake? It had shitty Neilsen ratings (thanks, nojo!), but one season was enough.

I saw the pilot, but I didn’t catch up until stuck on bed rest with this shitty back. I liked the idea of it, but the filters used to depict different realities seemed stolen from the Traffic remake and were unnecessary. The rubber bands told you which reality he was in. It was a decent series.

@JNOV: It had shitty Neilsen ratings (thanks, nojo!)

I contractually have no idea what you’re talking about.

And Amy Schumer owes me.

@JNOV: Anyone besides nojo watch Awake?

I watched it and enjoyed it very much. The premise of living in two realities was fascinating. Personally I appreciated the dual color palettes. My wife and I were disappointed it didn’t have an opportunity to continue.

It’s not a Firefly sized disappointment, but then what is?

@DElurker: Watching Rachel, who says it’s still going — with three hours to go. No sitting, no leaning, no peeing.


I like the ending because you’re still left with questions. At first it seems like a happy ending (I hate those), but then you wonder if he was really psychotic (something I didn’t want to accept).

Did he die, too? I was worried that it was some sort of Lost crap where he was in purgatory working shit out. Lost. Fuckers! “No, they’re not in purgatory.” Six years later, “Surprise! Guess where they were! Purgatory, but it was only Jack’s purgatory, so it doesn’t count. Kinda.”

Despite BD Wong and and Cherry Jones trying to convince him that each of their realities was real, I liked that Michael refused to give either one up, didn’t give much of a fuck, even if one was a dream.

Steve Harris — he can play a compassionate and patient character and actually smile?

Bohemian Rhapsody — were they really singing it? I hope not.

Wilmer Valderrama can act?

Laura Innes — weak character in general. Too much plastic surgery. (Grow old, woman!) Soooo much better as Kerry Weaver.

I think if it went into another season, it would have become kind of absurd. I don’t know what more they could have done with Michael’s character besides have him live in three realities and have him really lose his mind.

BD is going to get typecast as a shrink.

Did you watch Fringe?

ETA: I was more upset about TSCC being cancelled. I dug Cowboys in Space, but, meh. Now CAPRICA!!! being cancelled! What crap. It was starting to get good.

ETAA: Awake could get kind of trope-ish, or maybe too homage-ish, but I was willing to forgive it because the underlying questions were that good.

@nojo: DERP.

Hope my grandfathers were able to vote…I haven’t read it, but Justice Ginsburg’s dissent is supposed to be beyond awesome.

@DElurker: Dude.

She can’t even lean on her desk? Jaysus.

“Throwing out preclearance when it has worked and is continuing to work to stop discriminatory changes is like throwing away your umbrella in a rainstorm because you are not getting wet,” Ginsburg wrote.

@JNOV: Apparently there’s a two-strikes rule with Texas filibusters, and the Texas GOP calls the strikes. The first strike was wearing the back brace; second strike being debated now, I think: Straying “off-topic”.

In other words, the fix was in from the start: Let the lady exhaust herself, and wrap up business by midnight.

This is all third-hand, but that’s how the Twitters are looking.

ADD: Technically, Strike One was somebody else helping adjust her back brace.

Strike Two called by Texas GOP: You can’t discuss sonograms during an abortion filibuster.

That leaves fifty minutes to make Texas even less hospitable.

That may have actually been Strike Three, but I can’t figure out what the missing strike is. Either way, Texas GOP can call strikes as they see fit, so the detail is moot.

Well, maybe there’s still time. Texas Democrats are trying to pour molasses into parliamentary framework. Special-session deadline is midnight. Unless Republicans can declare the clock stopped.

The Republicans are trying to throw her off her game (make her go off-topic) by asking questions. She’s ignoring them now (she was addressing them earlier). In essence, they started calling her rude, and the Parliamentarian reminded them that she doesn’t have to answer shit.

1.5 hours to go…

I think ruling on the strikes thing is up to the Parliamentarian?

@DElurker: Harry Reid should take notes – this is what a filibuster actually looks like.

And if you’d like to pay for some coffee and sandwiches for the folks at the Capitol round the clock, including several of my closest friends who basically haven’t slept since Saturday, click here.

Well, shit.

“Texas’ lieutenant governor has suspended a filibuster against wide-ranging abortion restrictions, but Democrats moved quickly to appeal the decision.

Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst made the decision late Tuesday night after determining that Democratic Sen. Wendy Davis strayed off the topic.”

WTF link!

nojo, I’m channeling baked for fuck’s sake!

Oh. That’s better.

They can keep arguing parliamentary points for the next 45 minutes.

Watch it live here.

And the clock keeps ticking, right? There still might not be time to vote if they can stall until midnight, right?

@SanFranLefty: Was just going to say that I would watch the shit out of this if it were on C-SPAN. Sleep can wait.

@mellbell: Right now a colleague is defending her and explaining why Roe v. Wade and ultrasound requirements are germane to the discussion. He is. speaking. very. slowly. He’s already burned 15 minutes that I’ve watched. Half hour to go.

“Germaneness – stick with me here – is not a precise concept.”

Leticia van de Putte FTW!! San Antonio’s state senator.

We have a mother fucking rule book, and I will throw it at your head!

@JNOV: Hearing the roll call of names of state senators is the handwriting on the wall of where the state of Texas is going in another 20 years. Lots of names ending in vowels and Z.

Dear Dumbass Parliamentarian, let’s beat you up for not knowing your job.

“At what point must a female colleague raise her voice over that of a male colleague in order to be recognized?”

“At what point must a female colleague raise her voice over that of a male colleague in order to be recognized?”
-Leticia Van de Putte

He’s as dumb as a box of rocks.

@JNOV: Jinx. Eleven minutes to go. I swear to FSM I can pick out the sound of one of my best friend’s voices in the crowd. I’ve been to many a UT game with her and she can do it.

9 more minutes! They should start singing.

The crowd is screaming like a bunch of Longhorn fans with 5 seconds to go before they beat Oklahoma or A&M.

Or U$C in the national championship a few years ago.

@SanFranLefty: This is so cool! Better than when nojo and I watched the ’08 Dem convention.

@SanFranLefty: less than 8 minutes…let’s buy them some Hall’s

I hope they count down the seconds

Oh shit — what question was on the floor? The do I have to have a dick to be heard one?

WHAT? Did enough people leave so they don’t have a quorum?

They need to restart the clock to count how much time they’re wasting trying to find some obscure rule to extend the session.

It also appears that the state troopers came in and cleared out the crowd. Friend of mine called me a few minutes ago from the viewing section and then said “Oh shit, gotta go.” She’s been there more than 12 hours.

I wish Molly Ivins, Ann Richards, and Barbara Jordan were here with us today. They were there in the crowd in spirit for sure.

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