Stinque Economic Reform Proposal: Appoint The Punisher as the United States’ Comptroller of the Currency

In this Stinque.com dramatization, The Punisher answers bankers’ complaints about capital reserves by decapitating and shooting the fuckers. This is what bank regulation is all the fuck about.

Nojo, you ready to make that call?

50 Comments

Nojo, can you fix the video so it shows up? I can’t get the hang of this thing.

I’m reminded of the opening to the first Naked Gun movie with Leslie Neilson in the Punisher role.

Is this beautiful video from the 2014 solidGoldman Sacks annual board of directors meeting that has somehow time-travelled back to our apocalyptically impoverished era?

If so, I weep with gratitude… even though it’s still not nearly violent enough.

I ask you.

If a regulator can’t behead you, what the fuck reason do you have to listen to them?

The Punisher for OCC!

I think the guy who punches himself at the end has a lot more in common with our current bank regulators, and their bosses, and their bosses.

Tommmcatt, make that call! See if Elizabeth Warren will take it up in committee!

@Dave H: Right, except to really effect the posture of today’s regulators, the character would have to handcuff his wrists to his ankles and draw the words, “RAPE MY ASS BLOODY!” on his butt cheeks.

The RMLs are half the way to blowing my bracket up /wipes Kool Aid off his chin/

HALP! I must get from seattle to golden gate park on 3/30 at noon the cheapest way possible and leave 3/31.

plane and trains and fucking buses are too expensive. I’d rather not drive 12+ hours, but I might.

anyone have ideas other than hitchhiking?

@nojo: Do I need chains on 5? It’s pretty flat to SF, right?

@JNOV: Always check the weather in the Siskiyous. Unless it’s July. Then, maybe.

@nojo: Sounds worse than the Grapevine!

@JNOV: In that it’s some 600 miles north, yes.

You can’t even cheat 101 in the winter. Snows there, too.

@nojo: I read this and was like, sounds, pretty, but…

Interstate 5 passes through the Siskiyou Mountains at Siskiyou Summit, located just north of the Oregon/California border, and just south of Ashland, Oregon. Siskiyou Summit is the highest pass on Interstate 5, at 4,310 feet (1,310 m). This pass is one of the most treacherous in the Interstate highway system. The California side has a more gradual ascent/descent, but on the Oregon side of the pass (the side which is more hazardous), the freeway gains (loses) 2,300 feet (700 m) in elevation over a 7-mile (11 km) stretch of freeway. In addition, the pass includes several hazardous curves, and is frequently hit with bad weather (including snow, ice, and fog) during winter storms. During winter, it is common for the highway to be closed one to four times by transportation authorities due to hazardous conditions. The speed limit is 55 miles per hour (89 km/h), but lower limits are set for larger vehicles.

Looking at it another way, I-5 is flat through Eugene. Then you leave the Willamette Valley, and it’s all mountain until Redding. Then, flat again all the way down to Tijuana. Except the Grapevine.

@JNOV: The description omits the fun part about EVERYBODY SLIDING ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE as you drive up one of those mountains. Especially the one out of Ashland.

@nojo: I’d rather not die on my way to my friend’s memorial service. Shit. And it’s not like I can head over to 15 or 101. Fucking ring of fire.

@JNOV: If the weather’s nice, it really is a beautiful drive, and your best route.

And while it can snow on 101 — especially in the Redwoods — it’s nowhere near as monstrous. The catch is that you’re adding more than a few hours to the journey, since 101 is a small-town highway, not a Damn the Torpedoes freeway.

@JNOV: Did you check airfare to SJC or OAK? Including on Southwest? They might be cheaper.

Is there a Chinatown bus between SEA and SF? There’s one that runs between SF and LA that’s $20 one way.

@nojo: Plus you can go see the giant statue of Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox after driving through a redwood tree.

@nojo: Today, the sun was out, the wind was blowing, and the hail was bouncing. I live pretty close to Rainier, so I get the weather system it creates on its own and the stuff off the ocean and from Canadialand. This is one wild ride. Not a bad one–just so different.

@SanFranLefty: You just gave me a Trees of Mystery time warp to 1968.

@SanFranLefty: I checked it all. I just found out today, so it looks like I have to drive. His East Coast service was last Saturday. This one is at the AIDS Memorial. So, I guess I’d better make sure I’m not on that unpronounceable mountain chain in the dark. Can’t they salt/sand that thing?

Seriously — I can’t pronounce 3/4 of the towns here. Puyallup? Wenatachee?

Babe and Paul Bunyon — why am I thinking of “Fargo”?

@JNOV: I’d seriously price a Seattle-SF flight — must be something of a shuttle between Microsoft and Silicon Valley.

Because even in the best of conditions, you’re looking at a 16-hour drive.

@nojo: FUCKING GOOGLE SAID 12!

FML

ADD: The Nerd Bird.

@JNOV: PuYALLup. WenATCHee. WilLAMette. SnoHOMEish.

There will be exceptions, but that’s a cheater’s guide.

@JNOV: Eugene to SF is 9 or 10 hours. Seattle to Eugene is 5 or 6.

@nojo: I’d be starting in Tacoma, but that doesn’t shave off four hours.

@JNOV: Can’t they salt/sand that thing?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

See those tall sticks along the side? That’s so you know where the road is when it’s under three feet of snow.

@nojo: Pu-ALLUP. Or Pulup.

When-ACH-a-TEE. William-ET. I agree with Snow-HOME-ish.

Gonzaga <– can't say that.

@nojo: Ha! Oh! I’d never seen a frozen tree before. Like all sparkly and shit. I thought the Fremont kids had gotten to it.

@nojo: They don’t even plow it?

Fucking eugenics.

@JNOV: William-ET.

Don’t you even dare.

And yes, I-5 gets plowed. Maybe sanded. But still. Major fucking bitch in the snow. They’ll require chains, and you’ll thank them.

@nojo: I know this is no big deal to you, but to watch the snow move down The Mountain while the valley was warm and the grass is still green, I mean green right now — it blows my mind.

This is not Philadelphia.

Oh, and my smug 2012 vote didn’t get counted.

@JNOV: Just remember: it’s Willamette, dammit.

@JNOV: Virgin Airlines seems to have the most competitive fares, provided that you can leave on a Thursday and come back on a Monday or Tuesday. They seem to be trying to fill up their planes during the weekdays. Between Virgin and Alaska, there are flights that leave Sea-Tac for SFO every hour or two, so lots of choices.

@JNOV: My favorite town names along 5 are Weed and Yreka, home to the amazing palindrome the Yreka Bakery (where they recite Ukiah haiku on poetry night).

I’be done the drive on 5 through Ashland a bunch of times. It is pretty intense and I wouldn’t do it in ice.

I once did the 101 diversion at Grant’s Pass (through Cave Junction – great name). That route isn’t the easiest and adds quite a bit more time, but it avoids the seriously scary pass south of Ashland. It is a gloriously beautiful route..

@nojo: I concur on these timings unless you are driving like a bat out of hell – definitely not recommended.

I find the drive down 5 to be hideously boring, but that’s because I’ve done it so many times. We got diverted to 101 because of a snow storm this last Xmas, and it was a much more pleasant (but much longer) trip. Mostly due to the change of scenery, I think.

Do not fuck around with the Siskiyous in snow, but even more, if you get stuck on I-5, don’t imagine for a minute you can take some little road over to the coast. People have gotten lost and died doing that in recent memory.

The drive from Seattle to SF is about 16 hours. The drive from PDX to SF is about 12-13. We usually did the Seattle -> SF route in two days, but we had the luxury of not working on short notice. Given the distance and the peril of winter storms in the mountains, see if Southwest can’t find you a cheap flight (fly into OAK, it’s usually a little cheaper, and a short BART train to SF). I’ve found that Google’s travel time predictions are usually pretty rosy, based on freakishly clear traffic and perfectly timed stoplights, or something. Certainly not based on the reality I drive through.

Thank you all. :-) I missed the continuation of this thread until just now.

I’m flying thanks to a loving friend.

@JNOV: You’re flying? Awesome! I thought you were taking the train, which is how IanJ now wisely gets down here during the winter months. Will call you tomorrow – can’t wait to see you this weekend!

@nojo: Granted, I only lived there for three years and went out to The Fair for 10, but I was under the impression it’s PewAHLup.

@karen marie might be peeking just a little: I think we pretty much agree — second-syllable stress, which is the Northwest norm. (And the Y? Well, my grandparents lived in Seattle, so my Washington pronunciations are limited to childhood visits.)

I’m left wondering whether the Yakima pronunciation shifted from the original, or whether it’s always been an exception.

Stinque Sausage Fest this weekend! Come roll with the bros if you’re in the area.

Puyallup. Okay — born and bred Puyallup Dude said you say it really fast: puelUP (like fuel up).

Bus driver says: Pew-WALL-up! You kind of have to yell it.

@JNOV: I know, I know, and now it’s Tuesday. This evening we talk? I want to see you this weekend when you’re here. xoxo

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