From the Stinque Crime Blotter

I was going to do a happy trails post for Stormin’ Norman, but after reading this only in Ess Eff news report, I had to share it.

A teenage boy escaped while being transported to juvenile hall in San Francisco on Wednesday night, a police spokesman said today.


The teen is black, and was last seen wearing a glittery black tank top and dark acid-wash jeans, according to [SFPD Spokesman] Shyy. He did not know what charges the boy was facing.

Well, I think the Stinque Fashion Police could name some felonies and misdemeanors.

[SF Appeal]

UCLA’s play in the first quarter v. Baylor has been criminal.

Wasn’t sure why Rihanna’s picture was here, but thanks for the eye candy.

@matador1015: I Googled “acid washed jeans” and that was one of the top images. I have her song “Diamonds” as a permanent earworm this week so it all seemed to work. I dunno, I worked on Thursday unlike 98% of America so at least to my addled brain it seemed to work.

@Mistress Cynica: Last name of the spokesman. Unusual.

@SanFranLefty: As always, what’s old is new, so Rihanna wearing acid-washed jeans means teen girls will be following suit in 3…2….

Also, I once had a neighbor whose last name was Shy, so it’s now become less unusual to me.

Dear God almighty, does that woman not have any gay men on staff? Has she no one who can help?

Pink is a difficult color: it sounds like it should be soft and delicate but it’s more often than not harsh. Unless one embraces the harsh and pushes it to the limit as in the landmark Schiaparelli Pink, it’s difficult to achieve a soft blush that eschews the horrors of the blue persuasion. I saw it recently in Paris. Have I mentioned Paris recently? Well I did. A pink as if seen through ice on which perhaps some despairing poet had spilled absinthe. Obviously, girlfriend has not got that message. Or learned how to work buttons.

And gentlemen of Stinque, next time you’re tie-shopping in Prada, don’t evade the pinks. See them in daylight – pinks react badly to artificial light. Take them outside the shop, usually I drape ten or twelve over my arm and walk outside: I find the sales staff so very helpful since the last NYPD alert. And don’t limit yourself to three or four: go for a spectrum! But always remember to make your anchor a suite in black/gray/white as does our president.

I find that buying at Prada or Sulka though I spend two or three hundred dollars per tie I can really turbo-charge my wardrobe. Plus, if I choose carefully I can extend a tie’s life from spring to fall (avoid browns). And who doesn’t like to save a few bucks when he can?

@Benedick: Judging by what she wears, I think she has a crew of drag queens who hate her dressing her.

@Mistress Cynica: I choose to believe that not even drag queens would wish that upon her.

BTW. Who is this person? Does she report the weather out of Houston?

@Benedick: I am so horrified that someone carrying the Ghey Passport doesn’t know who Rihanna is. Get thee to the Googlez.

@Benedick: She sings, I think. Never heard her work. It’s nice being old.

ADD: I loathe Texas, but I will give Houston weather reporters/TV blondes credit for dressing better than that.


In addition to incredibly bad taste in boyfriends and clothes, Rihanna owns a requisite hideous, trashy McMansion.

@¡Andrew!: What makes that even more of a crime against aesthetics is the fact that it defaces the gorgeous landscape of Pacific Palisades.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: God, that really depressed me.

@¡Andrew!: @Mistress Cynica: I like the pool, that’s about the only nice thing I can say about it.

ADD: Tom & Lo are counting down the 15 worst red carpet looks of 2012, complete with bitchy commentary.

@SanFranLefty: J-Lo really can make almost anything look good, can’t she?


@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: I do love that they gave Helena Bonham Carter the award for the best red carpet look of 2012 for the “Victorian harlot” Vivian Westwood get-up she wore to Buckingham Palace. However, those two queens were smoking crack with the nod to Kirstin Stewart’s lace jumpsuit.

ADD: Meanwhile, can we start a petition on the White House website demanding that FLOTUS stop wearing the belts under her boobs? Daughter Malia’s ensemble is AWESOME and I am coveting her boots.

/why yes, if you were wondering, Mr. SFL is at some concert of surviving members of the Grateful Dead and I’m visiting fashion critique websites.

@Benedick: Re ties, I have a problem, and not just that I’m a cheap bastard. I’m 6-4 and have a long torso and so most ties end well north of my belt, even with a half-Windsor. It’s hard to find long ties that aren’t either Garcia ties (I have enough, thank you) or downright hideous. I also find it kind of hit-and-miss to get the dimple using a half-Windsor, although I admit that this may be a skill issue rather than a knot issue.

@Dodgerblue: “It’s hard to find long ties that aren’t either Garcia ties (I have enough, thank you) or downright hideous.”

Is that a throw-down challenge to the Stinque Fashionistas? Because I would totally put my money on HomoFascist or JamieSommers finding something perfect for you (and for our Tall Fearless Leader, although it’s probably been 20 years since Nojo had to wear a tie).

@SanFranLefty: Trying to remember the last friend who got married. 1994? That would be it.

@SanFranLefty: Mr Cyn is sick with envy. He was drooling over the shows at Bill Graham.

@Mistress Cynica: I figured Mr. Cyn would be. Not my intention. He would have had a blast with Mr. SFL – who is sad that none of his Deadhead friends live in the same timezone so he can’t even text them photos. If I am sent photos of Phil and Bobby on stage, I’ll forward them to you kids. Meanwhile, after listening to Yo-Yo Ma’s rendition of Bach’s cello suites, I’ve moved on to watching the movie Mr. SFL refers to as “the vexations movie” – AKA Ang Lee’s version of Sense and Sensibility. The estrogen runneth over tonight.

@nojo: I’ve had burgers and beers with you and those Birks. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize it’s been a while for you. Plus having met much of the crew, I think Dodger is the only Stinquer taller than you. I’m impressed it was in the ’90s that you last wore a tie. Mr. SFL won’t wear ties to weddings – including ours.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: Meanwhile, can’t believe I missed this comment the first time. Pinot noir is on my keyboard.

@SanFranLefty: Dodger, my dad, my brother, and the clerk at the granola store. That’s everybody in the world taller than me.

Oh, and my cousin’s wingnut husband. But he doesn’t count.

@Mistress Cynica: Oh shit, I just got a text from the Civic Center that somebody’s StubHub ticket was just rejected. Nothing uglier than a Deadhead getting all medieval on a ticket taker about to harsh said Deadhead’s mellow.

By the way, everybody knows that Netflix started streaming West Wing this week, yes? Just in case you want to catch Martin Sheen cursing God in Latin.

@nojo: I’m trying to catch up on Breaking Bad before going back to drink from the West Wing well. Plus it makes me sad to think of Bubba’s squandered potential compared to Bartlett. Black Eagle has some of the Bartlett silver tongue but he has to deal with the reality of Mitch McConnell and asshats like that fucker Mike Lee.

@SanFranLefty: I wish Mr Cyn were spending the evening with Mr Lefty and I with you. We’d all be happy.

@SanFranLefty: It’s just odd seeing things I wouldn’t have noticed the first time, like Elisabeth Moss as Bartlet’s daughter, and Mary-Louise Parker as Josh’s girlfriend.

And for that matter, Lawrence O’Donnell as Dead Dad. From that very Curse God episode.

@SanFranLefty: I’ll be going to the New Year’s Eve show.

Then on January 2nd, I retire from EPA, followed shortly by relocation to Washington DC to move in with Ms. Still.

I’m sorry, maybe I’m hopelessly out of touch, but are the Dead retiring or something? I mean, the walking dead of course. I rarely count Phil Lesh.

@Walking Still: let’s Stinque up ONC with MellBell when I’m back, Mayish. EPA you say? Bay Area? You may know a guy I went to high school and college with. Tall, lived in Oakland, eventually relocated to LA five years back or so. John, lets call him.

@Beggars Biscuit: I think I do know the John of whom you speak. Someone matching that description runs our LA office, and I’ve done a lot of work with him over the years – mostly on sewage stuff. I’d like to stay in touch with him.

A Stinque-up in LA with you and Mellbell would be delightful. I might even be able to lure Ms. Still. IIRC, Mellbell’s office is quite close to both Ms. Still’s office and our Dupont Circle apartment. Keep us in mind for May.

The current Dead configuration is a bit complicated. Weir and Lesh run Furthur – a six piece that is, more or less, a Grateful Dead successor band. I’m seeing them in SF on New Years. Hart and Kruetzman are not part of this and, instead, run their own solo projects. Weir still has Ratdog as his side band. Lesh now operates a restaurant/music venue in San Rafael called Terrapin Crossroads, where he plays with a variety of side projects, and sits in with the bands he books.

@Walking Still: Mr. SFL will be at tonight’s show, and will spend most of today dealing with StubHub for a refund.

When do you leave the Bay Area? Let’s try to Stinque up before you leave.

@SanFranLefty: I have a one way ticket to DC on January 11. My last day at work is January 2. I plan to be quite hungover on January 3.

Other than the 3rd and the 5th, I have pretty good availability. Got a date/plan to suggest?

My condolences to Mr. SFL on the ticket fiasco. Is he also attending on New Years Eve?

Um, not to be demanding or anything, but shouldn’t we be getting ready for the Stinque awards? These posts don’t write themselves, you guys.

/ducks from the flying objects thrown by the stinquers who’ve written these posts daily for years.

@Tommmcatt Can’t Believe He Ate The Whole Thing: Mitt wins Asshole of the Year, NRA wins Crystal Douchebag for Lifetime Achievement. The End.

@nojo: No formal ceremony? I have no reason to get out of bed on Jan 1.

@Mistress Cynica: Exhaustion. Mitt took all the joy out of throwing spitballs, and the Fiscal Cliff slog ain’t helping.

@nojo: And lifetime Anal Pear for Joe Lieberman upon his retirement?

@Dodgerblue: Ties are made in different lengths. Or there’s my man in Milan.

Stinque Awards. God, how depressing. I nominate the US. Two-Show Day Crotch to Lindsay Graham.

@Benedick: Wow, you even checked the “extra long” box for me. As the actress said to the Bishop. A $145 tie, you can bet that, when I’m eating something with red sauce, I’ll be tucking that thing away. As the Bishop said etc.

@Walking Still: I’m traveling for work most of next week, w/r/t this week how about lunch somewhere in the East Bay on Friday the 4th?

@Walking Still: I’ve been terrible about keeping in touch with “John” although he and his wife continue to send us holiday cards, so I have both an email and a street address for him. He’s a serious home-brewer, in case that confirms the connection.

I’ll still be employed throughout the summer, so a meet up anywhere would be fine.

re: Stinque Awards; can Elliot Spitzer get the Calcium Reanimated Corpse Award for “excellence in image rehabilitation” and becoming a go-to analyst on prosecutorial matters for CNN?

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