Google to Americans: Please Stop Disagreeing With Each Other

Our guest columnist is the cofounder of Google and profoundly naive.

I must confess, I am dreading today’s elections.

Not because of who might win or lose.

Not because as a Californian, my vote for President will count 1/3 as much as an Alaskan (actually it won’t matter at all — I’m not in a swing state).

Not because my vote for Senate will count 1/50 as much as an Alaskan.

But because no matter what the outcome, our government will still be a giant bonfire of partisanship. It is ironic since whenever I have met with our elected officials they are invariably thoughtful, well-meaning people. And yet collectively 90% of their effort seems to be focused on how to stick it to the other party.

So my plea to the victors — whoever they might be: please withdraw from your respective parties and govern as independents in name and in spirit. It is probably the biggest contribution you can make to the country.

Sergey Brin [Google+]

@Dodgerblue: Thank you. Couldn’t figure out how to work that in.

In local news, SoSo* skipped the line to vote today. Way to make nice with the new neighbors, Your Honor.

*Super awesome nickname for Sonia Sotomayor that I just made up.

@nojo: I guess this is why they brought in grownups to run the Google business — so that Steve Jobs didn’t eat the boys’ lunch.

@Dodgerblue: You could also add Facebook to the list (this is a Google+ post, after all), and anything else Google has been Borging recently. They’re the new Engulf & Devour.

What drugs is he on to be coming up with this saccharine bullshit?

The party system does suck, but I really can’t imagine an alternative to it.

I don’t turn the other cheek to my opponents in litigation. My goal is to crush them and then piss on them.

@Serolf Divad: Like Democracy itself. I would prefer a Philosopher King, but only if I was the Philosopher.

Not sure why Sergey’s picking on Alaska. When I, um, Google “lowest state population”, I get Wyoming, followed by Vermont and North Dakota.

@IanJ: My Mom’s from Juneau. I, of course, headed as far south as possible, although NojoBro split the difference and landed in Everett.

Hey, SerGAY. Ya big girl’s blouse. Be a man. Punch someone.

I have met with our elected officials they are invariably thoughtful, well-meaning people.

File that under “Notes From AmeriKKKa’s Clueless Overclass.” Whatta fuckin’ oblivious re-tread.

Having grown up watching Clarissa Explains It All and Sabrina the Teenage Witch, I was particularly pissed to read this morning that Melissa Joan Hart endorsed Zomney. Nice gratuitous “fuck you” to all your gay friends and co-workers, Sabrina. And via Twitter no less! If I wuz on the Twitters, I’d pimp-twitter right back.

Fucking irritating to see yet another faux-centrist asshole whining about a “bonfire of partisanship” while the GOP is standing there, holding the gasoline and matches AND throwing on wood.

@¡Andrew!: “Senator, you’re meeting with Mr. Google today. Be nice.”

@nojo: LOL. Just think what the boys could do with search requests for your name if they get pissed off!

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