The Happiest Shitter On Earth

Our guest columnist has forgotten more about Disneyland than you’ll ever know.

Why is the Secret Restroom better than other Disneyland restrooms?

For a variety of reasons. For example, it is the only restroom in the entire park that is entirely handicapped accessible, full of cutting-edge technology, and against park policy for discussion by any cast member.

When was the Secret Restroom built?

The Secret Restroom was built at the same time as the rest of Carnation Plaza Gardens.

How often is it used?

That depends on how busy the park is. Sometimes the Secret Restroom goes unused for hours, but at other times the line can stretch almost to Main Street.

Are there other Secret Restrooms?

Yes, but none as good as the one, official Secret Restroom. Other “hidden” restrooms include the restrooms in Aladdin’s Oasis, the restroom sealed behind a wall in the guided tour pavilion, the wicker-iffic restrooms in Club 33, and the oft-overlooked Tiki Room restrooms.

Is it ever referred to as the “secret bathroom”?


When was the location of the Secret Restroom first publicly revealed?

Although Disneyland goes out of its way to avoid publicizing the Hidden Restroom, a photograph of it was printed in a “Disneyland Secrets” article in the Orange County Register in 1986.

Disneyland’s Secret Restroom [via @LuxMentis]

Unmentioned (for obvious reasons) is that it is also the Creepiest shitter on earf cause it’s the only bathroom where you’re spied on by the frozen head of Walt.

Which Secret Restroom is home to the largest number of wide-stance, homophobic, GOP closet cases?

Yes, it’s that slow out there today.

@nojo: Apparently a new underwear bomb attempt was thwarted today. I can foresee a new “skidmark lane” at TSA screening.

@Dodgerblue: A real one, or another FBI plant? I can’t keep up with Greenwald on faux-terrorist entrapments…

@nojo: Right? So many of these have been the law enforcement equivillant of Bugs Bunny handing Elmer Fudd a lit bomb and skittering away.

It’s not THAT slow. Apparently Obama and Romney are in a dead heat and there are ONLY SIX months until the election. ONLY SIX!!!!!

Okay, it’s that slow. Dang.

@Tommmcatt Wears A Hoodie Daily: This time last round, Unicorn and Swampsow were still battling for the nomination, so we had plenty to occupy us. But with both nominees now settled, there’s not going to be much substantial action until the conventions.

Or at least until Mittens announces Chris Christie as his veep.

The big “news” today is that somebody at a Mittens rally called Obama a “traitor”, and he didn’t bother to correct her. There’s an obvious comparison with a similar Psychogeezer Moment, but we’re into Year Four of the Kenyan Marxist Usurper, and that story’s played out.

@SanFranLefty: Hey Lefty, its Zito v. Lilly at the Ravine tonight; I’m going.

@nojo: Bite your tongue! But that would get him out of the state…

My ex maintains that if you need a bathroom in Manhattan you can do no better than the ones in Disney stores. She’s right.

@nojo: Chris Christie would be a disaster for them. Americans are horrified by the obese. It is the last culturally acceptable for of discrimination.

@ManchuCandidate: Don’t hear about that much, do we?

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