Unicorn-Swampsow 2012!

Robert Reich wants to fix what ain’t broke: “My political prediction for 2012 (based on absolutely no inside information): Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden swap places. Biden becomes Secretary of State — a position he’s apparently coveted for years. And Hillary Clinton, Vice President. So the Democratic ticket for 2012 is Obama-Clinton.”

51 Comments

Oh geezus, can you imagine what would happen if we let Uncle Joe and his perpetual foot-in-mouth loose on the international diplomatic community?

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Depends on how much consumption of booze the job actually takes. Joe might have a leg up there, one of the things I admire about him .

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: I’m not done imagining all the Hillary attack ads rolling out.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: My first thought? “Stick with Joe – better hair”

@nojo: My question: Is the word “cankles” still banned?

@blogenfreude: You’ll have to take it up with the Cynics Party management.

Me, I’ve never been a fan of it. But I couldn’t resist the inside joke.

@nojo: Right? She’s over sixty, her ankles can look any way they damn please.

michelle/slick willie 2012? sounds like a winner. folks round here in tennessee keep telling me there’s no way barack can get re-elected.

@nojo: I made the reference mainly for you …

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: I’m over 60 now — does that apply to my gut?

@jwmcsame: I’d take that bet if I were you.

“Swampsow”, of course, remains an Officially Approved Designation. I never bought the Fat Pig Objection.

@nojo: I’m just impressed you called Barry Unicorn, given the current lack of Hope and Change.

@SanFranLefty: The whole thing’s a callback — I wouldn’t bother these days to call Madame Secretary “Swampsow”, either.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: Can it get any bigger?

Personally I’m looking forward to the Gingrich/Palin ticket.

@Benedick: It’ll get bigger if I keep workin’ on it, as the bishop may, perhaps, have said to the actress.

Ooh, I got an email from Michelle O this morning saying that she wants to get to know me better.

@Dodgerblue: Sloppy seconds. I got mine yesterday, turned her down.

@Dodgerblue: Play her against Elizabeth Kucinich on the left and see where you end up.

@nojo: Hard to believe it’s been four years already. But I forget- Swampsow was banned, but Cankles was not, or were they both declared non grata?

@Mistress Cynica: I know, right? Either menopause is a bitch, or she just figured she’ll never look good next to Kim Jong Eun.

Speaking of which, I think the 2011 Stinque awards should have saved up something special for the newly declared Dear Successor.

@Nabisco: They were both banned by The Previous Management: Cankles for reasons I agree with, and Swampsow because Megan thought it meant Fat Pig, i.e. a remark on Hillary’s weight.

But Swampsow really meant Bottom-Feeding Swamp Creature, which I thought was a fair description of the Hillary ’08 campaign. Especially after her RFK remark.

@nojo: Megan had a point w/r/t Swampsow. Maybe Swamptroll would have worked — none of the implied body snark. Unicorn remains to this day the greatest invention I came up with. My need to write the Great American Novel disappeared after that. And who was responsible for Talibunny and Caribou Barbie? I want to say Chainsaw and IanJ, respectively, but I don’t know why… And fuck if I can remember who came up with “Walnuts” – I think that was Brand W days.

@SanFranLefty: In my mind, I lay claim to “Plugz”, but we may have to roll tape from Brand W to verify.

Unicorn and Talibunny are both ones for the ages – but then you and Chainsaw are Professionals. /hat tip/

@Nabisco: I’m pretty sure you were the source of Plugz, in the haze of my memory.

The fucking Talibunny was mine. As was the Swampsow which Megan for some reason yelled at me not to use. War Pig was already associated with Black Sabbath and I was in a hurry one day and just mad enough to call Hillary Swampsow.

By the way, if we refer to Newt we should call him Il Nuce.

@FlyingChainSaw:
Yeah, I remember. Mom 1.0 really didn’t like you. I still enjoy your posts.

@SanFranLefty: Talibunny is definitely Chainsaw’s. I’m pretty sure Caribou Barbie isn’t local to us, but I can be overruled.

The archival documentation of Plugz is lost to The Database That Ate the Cynics Party Comments, but I remember the chatter the day of the announcement. Consensus was reached rather quickly.

Walnuts is very likely Brand W, and not nearly as fun as Chainsaw’s Psychogeezer.

@ManchuCandidate: Mommy didn’t like me, either. And the feeling was mutual after she vetoed my brilliant NatLamp graphic: “Vote for Hillary or We’ll Shoot This Dog”.

@SanFranLefty: Walnuts was from Brand W. It related to a video involving an aggressively socially inept youth who kept using the term Walnuts. I’m not sure who connected it the Senator from Arizona.

@SanFranLefty: His dictatorial posturing of late and his womanizing are very resonant with Mussolini and, given his play for the presidency, worthy of the reference in that context.

I hereby renounce my aforementioned claim to “Plugz,” because I really don’t give a fuck about engaging in that dumbass pissing and dick measuring contest.

I have more important things on my mind like possible breast cancer, pneumonia, imminent homelessness which might lead to kitty euthanasia x3, and possible arrest because Dear Relative fears that I’m trying to kill her because I asked that she not continue to unplug the dehumidifier in the basement where I sleep. W/r/t the Horrordaze, my kid, his GF, my mother and father act like they hate me. At this point, I’m certain it’s not them; it’s me.

Go with God.

ETA: Did I mention my ulcer? No, I didn’t. I have an ulcer that might be bleeding. I’ve managed to staunch what appears to be blood with 300 mg of OTC Zantac, but not the pain. I think I ate three days ago. I don’t think coffee and cigarettes count as positive nutrition or help the ulcer, but I need something to make me feel full, right? On the bright side, I’ve dropped four sizes.

/self-pity

@nojo: Megan thought that ‘Swampsow’ alluded to her own weight, that’s why she didn’t like it.

I thought she got a very easy pass around here. I never much enjoy being patronized by a person with 1/10th of my experience and 1/50th the experience of Les Stinque.

@Benedick: I thought it was because we loved The Twins more when she was anonymous.

@Benedick: No. Never. <– no snark. Srsly. But I have a question: How do you properly pronounce "risotto"? No one expects me to pronounce anything correctly because I'm from Philly, so I get a pass.

I have found The Key to Happiness. It's wearing socks with my plastic, that's right, plastic, Birks. (I was a vegetarian when I bought them along with my Synthex assless chaps, mmmkay‽)

@Bene: “Stay with us” means stay online, right?

@All: okay. Waiting for ride to hospital. Breathing treatment, prednisone and all that. See you on the flip side.

@JNOV is coming undone: Keep us in the loop, yes? Don’t make me come out there and yell at you.

Back. Feeling MUCH better. Breathing treatments, EKG, chest x-ray, blood work, weird drugs I’ve never had, rectal exam (woo-hoo!), all that good shit. Found an open pharmacy (yay!), about to plug in dehumidifier — Dr.’s orders, or Dear Relative might enjoy explaining to the popo why my blue ass is day-ud in her basement.

@Dodgerblue: Okay. Forget all I just wrote. Come out and spank me. Please?

@JNOV is coming undone: Glad to hear you’re feeling better. Get some rest and don’t stay up late partying and surfing the Internetz.

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