Time to Put a Fork In It?

Herman Cain! will be announcing his intentions in a few minutes. Let’s tune in!


It’s like a car wash for your feet!

Oh, sorry. Just a CNN commercial.

Crowd gathered at decked-out Atlanta HQ. Which would be a really odd scene to announce quitting.

Crazy Eyes is making a play for Cain! supporters. Which would take 10 percent of the GOP electorate off the board.

What’s the suicide rate among office-park workers?

Giant object draped in black behind podium. I think it’s an electronic scoreboard to track future accusations.


If somebody recites the Pledge of Allegiance on TV, does that mean everybody nationwide has to stand up?

The Cain Train arrives, looking strangely like a bus.

Crowd chants: “Glo-ri-a! Glo-ri-a!”

Cain!: “Cain supporters are not warm-weather supporters.” Actually, looks like a nice day in Atlanta.

I’m watching, God hep me.

Oops. Blame game rears its ugly head.

Plus, America deserves more than something.

It’s starting like a requiem for the campaign, but it could switch gears.

“Right now my name ID is probably 99.9…”

“I grew up in a world of segregated water fountains.” Unlike that Harvard house nigger.

“We’re in the Final Four!”

It’s really starting like a requiem.

@nojo: I’m reminded of the Van Morrison song (as interpreted by Patti Smith):


“Proving that we could do this was one of the greatest things…”


“False accusations have sidetracked and distracted…”

He’s quitting. I’m not hearing anything otherwise. Unless I’m wrong.

“I am at peace with my God.”

God, line 2.

@nojo: With my new name recognition I have answered Black Bart’s most salient question: where the white women at?

“Becoming President was Plan A. Today I want to describe Plan B.”

“I am suspending my Presidential campaign.”

“I am not gonna be silenced, and I’m not going away.”

Plan B: TheCainSolutions.com.

Expect parody sites by the end of the day.

@ManchuCandidate: Does the Rimshot Button still work? Yes. Yes it does.

This is a truly dismal speech. He just acknowledged the tea baggers while ignoring the occupy movement.

“I’m throwing my support to Newt Gingrich, the only candidate who is a bigger dick than I am.”

“Safari can’t open the page ‘http://thecainsolutions.com/’ because the server unexpectedly dropped the connection. This sometimes occurs when the server is busy. Wait for a few minutes, and then try again.”

@nojo: Suspended like a donkey in an Acuna brothel. PFFT!

He’s going the Palin route: big speaking fees and lots of yap.

It’s everybody else’s fault. He is the innocent party. He is also unbelievably boring. Doesn’t he know that Plan B is a popular morning-after pill?

@Dodgerblue: “I will be making an endorsement in the near future.”

Viagra or Cialis?

Got a screenshot: “Not POLITICIANS. Not MEDIA OUTLETS. The PEOPLE.”

Plus a large stock photo of old black(?) dude in the field.

@nojo: His outro music should be something by Barry White. Candid admission: I love Barry’s work.

Exit music: “Ain’t no mountain high enough.”

@Dodgerblue: Donna Summer-Barry White was the one-two punch of my teens.


Ain’t no mountain high enough to keep the process servers from me.

When you click the signup button, you’re transfered to bellplantationmarketing.com for the email form.

So there’s no chance he’ll throw his sausage back in the ring?

@blogenfreude: He’s done. And not even a Fox contract to his name.

Not if his wife has anything to say about it. Assuming she allowed him to order it for a pizza topping ever again.

Meanwhile, the Huckabee Debate at 8pm ET. Yeah, I’ll be here.

@Dodgerblue: And then we had to throw it all away on disco and toga parties. I really resent my generation.

Cain’s vanity is so boring. As bad as Newt’s. With Mittens close behind. What a crew.

The Campaign for Cain! slides mainly down the drain!

According to CNN: “Suspending” a campaign allows a candidate to continue raising and spending campaign funds.”
Still an opportunity for girl friend #2 to come forward with a paternity suit.

@FlyingChainSaw: How many limbs would you gnaw off to avoid seeing that sex tape …

@nojo: When will we see this headline: “Candidate Admits He Doesn’t Know Shit From Shinola, Drops Out Of Race.”

@Dodgerblue: We’re coming close — Perry’s running self-mocking ads about his brain farts.

OK – nerds of Stinque, I need a ruling. During much of the 90s I was crewing on race sailboats with the intention of working up to Americas Cup type yachts. Didn’t happen. Because of this, I missed most of The X-Files, so now I’m watching the episodes I missed on Netflix. Saw none of Seasons 8 and 9, made after David Duchovny left the show. Worth the time?

Not particularly. My friend who was an X-phile hated those seasons.

Unless you’re a completist.

@ManchuCandidate: My mom talked me into Lost and the completist in me made me finish. Wish I hadn’t.

@blogenfreude: @ManchuCandidate: Ignore anything after the movie. For that matter, ignore the movie.

@blogenfreude: I watched the Lost finale live for amusement, then eventually finally watched the pilot. That’s as complete as I need to get.

Okay, cheat: I stumbled onto some flashback episode during the run, declared it filler, and had no further interest.

@mellbell: The X-Files movie. Was there more than one? Then the first.

@blogenfreude: Dude, no fucking way. Skip the non-Muldar shows, and I speak as someone who watches Masterpiece Theater intros just to check out Gillian Anderson. The X-Files finale was one of the worst pieces of shit I ever saw. The first movie was all “Bees – WTF?” I don’t think I’ve seen the second one.

@Walking Still: A young, studio musician named Jimmy Paige played on Van’s original recording.

@redmanlaw: I fell asleep during the cornfield scene. Twice.

I saw “Cowboys v. Aliens” on the plane. Great. Plus some Duchovny sci-fi satire that cut off due to some rule bout needing to land a plane after 12 hours without passenger distraction.

@Nabisco: “Cowboys v. Aliens” was a flop and later disowned by the studio but Mrs RML and I enjoyed the hell out of it. Olivia Wilde wrote in her blog how much she enjoyed Santa Fe. Hard to believe while watching “Tron Legacy” that she was the female lead in that one also. Son of RML hated “Cowboys”, however.

@redmanlaw: It was good fun, kind of tongue in cheek, I thought. Although Olivia Wilde doesn’t have to do much more than stare at the camera to get my attention, she was probably the weakest linque.

Jr. told me he “doesn’t like cowboys”. He also informed Ma Nabisco that we should avoid breaded fish from now on because “it’s all corn”. That last one is on me, I gave him The Omnivore’s Dilemma for his 9th birthday.

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