Double Fantasy Toppings

[ Daily Beast Flash video not available. ]

Our guest lyricist is Herman Cain!, performing at the 1991 Omaha Press Club show.

Imagine there’s no pizza
I couldn’t if I tried
Eating only tacos
Or Kentucky Fried
Imagine only burgers
It’s frightening and sad

You’re lucky you have pizza
To feed for kids for you
Only frosting or cookies
And no dishes you must do
Imagine eating pizza
Each and every day

You may say that it’s junk food
But to me it’s so much more
It gives my life its meaning
And it makes a lot of dough

Imagine mozzarella
Anchovies on the side
And maybe, pepperoni
Rounds out your pizza pie
Imagine getting pizza
Delivered to your door

You don’t have to give up now
On my skateboard I will go
I’ll be back in 30 minutes
I just bought Dominoes

All I am saying
Is give pizza a chance
All I am saying
Give pizza a chance!
All I am saying
Is give pizza a chance
All I am saying
You’ve got to, got to give pizza a chance!

[Video: Daily Beast; Transcription: Weigel]
14 Comments

I’d rather feed my hypothetical children frosting and cookies than any pizza from his restaurants.

@ManchuCandidate: The meta joke would be you posting the actual lyrics.

I see a potential career in musical theater. (Anything to keep him out of the White House.)

Is godfathers still in business? if so where? is it any good? I used to swear by Pizza Hut thin and crispy but will not eat Dominos because i used to bring it. I think pappa johns tastes like gasoline. Today my favorite is home made from martha white crust mix $0.85 (add your own water), store brand sauce $1.19-$1.85 (enough for 3-4 pizzas) bulk mozzarella (sliced believe it or not) and$1 on sale hormel pepperoni (enough for 2 ). all this gets you a 12 inch pizza for an average of $3. It cannot be beat. make sure to cook the crust for 7-10 minutes before adding sauce and toppings.

I would tell him to eat shit, but he already eats his own pizzas.

@nojo: Or at least this version, for which Neil received boatloads of opprobrium because the lyrics asked you to merely imagine something.

Extra credit: John chews gum during the Toronto bed-in!

Imagine if he’d shut the fuck up and go away.

Cain for Fox! Woo hoo!

@Benedick: I get the feeling that all the GOP candidates — less the two earnest Mormons — actually are running for Fox commentator, not President.

@SanFranLefty: some are running for jefferson davis’s old seat, grand dragon of dixie.

which makes me think, how long before cain calls obama a nazi? to which obama should reply, ……………..(fill in the blanks)

@jwmcsame:
I’m reading “Bitterly Divided: The South’s Inner Civil War” right now. Fun fact #1: the poor white Southerners hated Jeff Davis for being the planters’ tool; the planters hated him for being inept. Fun fact #2: if you owned 20 slaves you were exempt from the draft. Fun fact #3: those libertararian Rebels were the first ones to institute a draft. Related fun facts: like the North, the South had draft riots. Unlike the North, the South also had bread riots.

I don’t know if Cain will ever call Obama a Nazi–socialist is good enough for him, but I’m just waiting for Cain to say that the haters are lynching him over 999.

@Jesuswalksinidaho: My favorite bit of Jefferson Davis trivia is that he and Abraham Lincoln were born within a year of each other in small towns in Kentucky about a hundred miles apart.

@mellbell: Mine is that they frequently run road delay reports about the “Jeff Davis”, as if it would be less savory to actually remind us who this historical character was.

@Jesuswalksinidaho: the teabaggers used to get so pissed off that political correctness victimized them into never being able to call Obama the only name they don’t call him in public. So they resorted to calling him socialist, hitler, muslim, and made him out to be a witch doctor sometimes sporting rams horns. Another thing that pisses off the teabaggers is that black people can call other black people that name that the teabaggers are not allowed to use and nobody says shit about it. And that ain’t fair. So is that why the teapublican’ts are supporting Cain? Do they hope he can politically correct call Obama the name they have all been holding back for so long? Think of the resounding cheers from the teapublican’t masses when it finally happens.

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