Gordon Gekko for President

“Wherever corprats take money from hungry people, I’ll be there. Wherever there’s a corprat goon beatin’ up a guy, I’ll be there… cheering them on… I’ll be in the way CEOs yell when they’re mad an’—I’ll be in the way eelights laugh when they see poor people and they know their bonus could feed them for a century. An’ when corprats sell the stuff slaves made and move jobs to the 3rd world—why, I’ll be there.”

Mittens Roboto Romney

If corporations are people, does that mean that Mittens’ stint at Bain was actually a long series of spree killings? ;)

It’s hard to look at Romney with anything but pity these days. Rick Perry’s gonna wipe the floor with him the minute the Texas governor announces. I honestly have no idea how Romney will even begin to respond to Perry’s brand of teabagger hyper-crazy. Right now what the GOP wants is basically a guy who’ll pick up a baseball bat and walk down alleyways beating sleeping homeless people to death.

On the bright side, the Chinese will go chop-chop with Romnicunt as soon as they seize power and serve him up with duck feet in a golden happiness sauce.

OK, I just read the AP sum-up of the events. Romnicunt practically ended the “shouting match” by yelling “corporations are people!! So which one of you dumb fux is gonna vote for me?”

Truly a political jeenyus.

Ghost of Seamus the Irish Setter and the collective power of the pissed off residents of Dog Heaven yet again hand Mittens some karmic backlash.

Is it just me or does Mittens look a lot like Anthony Perkins’ Norman Bates?

Meanwhile: Fox has the debate. I’ll see how long I can stand it.

@chicago bureau: Some fun knife-fighting between Crazy Eyes and Timmah. Also, Bachmann would like you to know that her signature legislative accomplishment was sponsoring the light-bulb bill.

Newt: Two questions, two references to Reagan in answers.

Also, he comes out swinging against Chris Wallace. Fight the Lamestream Media!

Herman Cain: I didn’t know what I was talking about before, but I do now.

If this keeps up, Crazy Eyes and Timmah are going to have wild make-up sex later tonight.

Mittens just compared the Individual Mandate to truancy laws — which is a fascinating take on the issue. He’s also arguing that Massachusetts has authority to do what the Feds can’t.

In general, he’s not trying to duck Romneycare this round.

General observation: This debate is proving a lot more fun than the last one. What Eleventh Commandment?

That makes two times Newt has complained about “gotcha” questions — both from Fox hosts. And the questioners are clearly stirring the pot tonight.

@nojo: It’s still on? I’d be in a drunken stupor by now if I were watching, and I wouldn’t even have to imbibe any alcohol.

STINQUE DISTANT EARLY WARNING: Newt is going nowhere. In fact, one more bad question and he will fucking CUT Chris Wallace.

I actually thought Newt had dropped out of the race.

Yahell tells me that Wallace referred to Ron Paul as a “constitutional expert”. Of course, they also give me Ten Tips to Trim Your Waste [sic], so I take it all with a grain of salt.

@karen marie has her eyes tight shut: I’m not watching intensely, which is how I’m able to suffer it. I just wait for raised voices, and look up to see who’s shouting.

Question to Crazy Eyes: “As President, will you be submissive to your husband?”

This really is fun.

Ooohhh. Bryon York WENT THERE in re Shelly / submission to her husband. Bachmann dances around that one somewhat deftly.

@chicago bureau: Herman Cain is joining Newt in the Has-Been Corner.

@nojo: I’m going to self-impose a scary image and suggest that Michelle is totally a top. You know it’s true.

Oh, and Huntsman doubles down on civil unions. Yeah. He’s making a play for a middle that doesn’t exist. Somebody get this guy a copy of the rules to this freaking game.

@chicago bureau: I like the new One Man-One Woman distinction in play. Especially with two Mormons on stage.

Mittens backs Personal Unemployment Accounts. What are those? Don’t ask.

BTW: they borrowed this bell from “The $25,000 Pyramid.”

“Uh… we’ll try ‘Paint The Town Red,’ Dick.”

“All right… things that sound like communism…. things that sound like communism. Ready? GO!”

Newt mentions Reagan again. Drink!

(Nobody else is mentioning Reagan. America has moved on.)

Herman Cain on the charge that companies will not use the money from a tax break he favors for creating jobs: “So what?” In the next sentence, he says, “that’s what I’m about, jobs.”

(from ThinkProgress)

Then why are they getting a tax break?

From the WSJ liveblog*: Bachmann walked off the stage? What’s up with that?

*Surprisingly snappy.

@Serolf Divad: Agreed. Perry doesn’t have Romneycare, isn’t a Mormon, and is nutty enough to take votes from Bachmann. Of course there’s that “I’m not gay” thingy.

@Nabisco: Pee break during a commercial, I think. Looked like a stage-manager miscall from here.

Winners: Mad About You, starring Timmah and Crazy Eyes.

Losers: Everybody else.

I understand there were pointed remarks made that marriage can only be between “one man and one woman.” Oooh! Is Politico going to run stories about Republicans attacking Romney and Huntsman’s religion next week?

Now, children, did we google ‘santorum’ this morning and click on the top hit?

Just like we brush our teeth we go to google and click on ‘santorum’ five times. That’s what makes us good boys and girls.

@chicago bureau:

A “top?” CB, if she doesn’t wear a friggin’ 14″ black strap-on when that pair gets nasty, then I’l eat my hat.

Not only that: I’ll bet you that when she gets randy she annouces it by telling her “husband” that it’s “time to bow down and face Mecca, bitch!”

First prezniential debate in which all of the candidates were led away in straitjackets.