If We Hear Stairway One More Time, We’re Gonna Hurl

It must have been late 1994 or early 1995 when we met Pete DeFazio, Eugene’s Congresscritter for Life, at a campus event. Having missed that particular installment of Schoolhouse Rock, we asked him what the practical difference was between Demrats and Repugs controlling The People’s Funhouse.

We forget the exact wording of his response, so we prefer to remember it as follows: “It means you don’t get to do shit.”

Meaning: Repugs were now driving, and the best Demrats could hope was that the airbags were working. Maybe you can crack open a window for air, but hands off the radio. We’re cruising on Classic Rock the next two years, and stop whining, you indie poser.

That’s as it should be in These United States, never mind that the Senate is driving some training car where everybody gets a brake. You win, you get the wheel.

What unlocked our memory was some Demrat whining on MSNBC’s popular Socialism 2Nite! programme. Apparently Repugs had promised to let everyone submit amendments to every bill, and already Agent Orange™ was yanking away the football on Obamacare Repeal. This, we were told, was the Height of Hypocrisy.

Spineless Politico, please.

First, nobody gives a shit, and the sooner you shut the fuck up about it, the better. You’re just playing to the stereotype.

Second, if you must make an issue out of minor procedural matters, don’t hold back. Either they’re a THREAT TO THE REPUBLIC, or you’re just wasting our time.

Case in point: A year ago, Repugs thundered that using DEMON PASS to approve Obamacare would undermine the very foundations of our democracy. Now that they’re driving again, Deem & Pass is back in the legislative toolbox, and everything’s copacetic.

Lesson: Go Big or Go Home. The next two years are going to be frustrating enough without you making them miserable.