5 Things The American People Are Sick Of (According to Jim DeMint)

Jim DeMint recently had some choice words for Harry Reid and Senate Democrats. Incensed at Reid’s plan to keep congress in session until several key spending bills and an arms control treaty had passed, DeMint noted just how un-Christian a thing this was to do:

We shouldn’t be jamming a major arms control treaty up against Christmas; it’s sacrilegious and disrespectful,” he told POLITICO. “What’s going on here is just wrong. This is the most sacred holiday for Christians. They did the same thing last year – they kept everybody here until [Christmas Eve] to force something down everybody’s throat. I think Americans are sick of this

As logically unassailable as DeMint’s brilliant analysis of the sacreligious underpinnings of Reid’s move is, we think his most salient and insightful revelation is just how sick the American people are of Jim DeMint being forced to go to work right on up to Christmas Eve itself. This new insight piqued our interest and made us wonder: what other things does Jim DeMint think that the American people are sick of? So we did a little research and came up with the following. After the jump:  Five Things the American People are Sick of (according to Jim DeMint)

1.- Every Sunday, it seems, some guy comes and steals the Weekend Supplement from Jim DeMint’s paper. The American People are sick of this, and are pretty sure they know who’s doing it, because they got up early one Sunday morning a couple of weeks ago and saw that guy who lives in 4-C lurking in the hallway, and the supplement had not yet been taken.

2.- For two weeks now there’s been construction just outside Jim DeMint’s Senate office window. The American people are sick of this, especially the jack hammering and those trucks that beep so loudly when they back up. Why the hell do they have to beep so loudly? If you can hear it from Jim DeMint’s office, surely you should be able to hear it on the street, even if they turned it down some. Anyway, the American people want to know when they’ll be done digging up the sidewalk and why they can’t work on Saturday when Jim DeMint doesn’t have to be in the office.

3.- Yesterday the American people got a letter in the mail that looked just like a Christmas card, with text on the front that even looked like handwriting, but was actually a discount offer for an oil change and a tire rotation. The American people are sick of this, because they never even use Jiffylube since the Senate parking garage has a service whereby a local mechanic will pick up you car once every couple of months while you’re at work and perform regular maintenace, then bring it back and park it in your spot before the workday day is done.

4.- Almost two months ago the American people asked for a more comfortable office chair and have yet to receive one. Given that Jim Demint has been in the Senate for five years already, the American people don’t think it’s outrageous to ask for a new, more comfortable, swivelling, reclinable, office chair. Scott Brown got a new office chair just recently, and he’s only been in the Senate since February. The American people aren’t happy about this at all, in fact, let’s go ahead and say it: The American people are sick of this.

5.- For some strange reason, whenever Jim DeMint is addressing his colleagues from the Senate floor, C-Span seems to favor a camera angle that shows more of DeMint’s left side. But his right side is his good side. The American people are sick of this, and have been meaning to speak with C-Span producers about seeing if they can’t favor the other camera feed when broadcasting his floor speeches.

…and don’t get the American people started on that closet case, RINO, SOB Lindsay Graham.

(The Politico via Crooks and Liars)

7 comments:

9:39 am • Thursday • December 16, 2010

A job’s a job, DelMonte.

If you want to cry about it, you can always quit and get a reality show or spend your time on facebook.

10:23 am • Thursday • December 16, 2010

Why does every GOPer feel the need to say “They’re cramming it down our throats”? Project much?

@ManchuCandidate: Exactly. Boo fucking hoo. The Senate normally works only three days a week (T,W,Th) so that they have four day weekends to raise money. Us little people (a.k.a. “The American People”) who are lucky enough to have jobs sure as hell are working more than that, and are grateful to be getting Xmas Eve off.
Fun fact: California state employees are not getting Xmas Eve or NYE off as holidays. Instead, they will receive “floating personal days off” they can use at another time, whatever the hell that means.

10:46 am • Thursday • December 16, 2010

Related by being joined at the teabag:

Did anybody else notice the story about the Texas state rep switching parties? Apparently the Rethugs now have enough votes to actually run the legislature without the Dems even showing up.

And not just *any* Rethugs – these are apparently double-batshit-crazee Tea Party Rethugs. For bonus points, spot one thing in their platform that would actually help the economy.

5:26 pm • Thursday • December 16, 2010

DeMint is right. It’s offensive that we don’t have all twelve days of Christmas off work.

5:42 pm • Thursday • December 16, 2010

What a crybaby! Since he appears to be convinced that he is doing Gawd’s work by opposing every single thing that might conduce to health, happiness, freedom, and prosperity for anyone not a card-carrying fundamentalist so-called Christian and Republican oligarch, he should be glad to make sacrifices for his cause.

5:53 pm • Thursday • December 16, 2010

@al2o3cr: Dear God.

6:32 pm • Thursday • December 16, 2010

@al2o3cr: I especially liked the part about a state legislature telling the federal government to stay joined at the hip with Israel or God will be VERY pissed. This agenda is so over the top that I have to assume the good ol’ Texas boys had downed a few too many bourbons while they did some brainstorming and then submitted their entire list without any editing. Too bad they didn’t think to include something about the Cowboys being the home team in the Super Bowl every year.

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