Backdoor Nation

Any story that includes the line “the last time I looked at the anal sex data” gets our attention:

In 1992, 16 percent of women aged 18-24 said they’d tried anal sex. Now 20 percent of women aged 18-19 say they’ve done it, and by ages 20-24, the number is 40 percent. In 1992, the highest percentage of women in any age group who admitted to anal sex was 33. In 2002, it was 35. Now it’s 46.

What’s turning America into a nation of chimney sweeps? Here’s a telling clue:

Among women who had vaginal sex in their last encounter, the percentage who said they reached orgasm was 65. Among those who received oral sex, it was 81. But among those who had anal sex, it was 94. Anal sex outscored cunnilingus.

Now hold on before you ride the Hershey Highway — there’s a perfectly valid reason for this:

Women who were getting what they wanted were more likely to indulge their partners’ wishes. It wasn’t the anal sex that caused the orgasms. It was the orgasms that caused the anal sex.

And there’s your Lesson for the Day: Be nice to your partner, and your partner will be very nice to you.

The Ass Man Cometh [Slate, via Sully]

In the South it’s called “keeping the (vajayjay) virginity pledge.”

Also: Arkansas birth control

Best part – The Ass Man Cometh is Slate’s Most Read (ever?)

@¡Andrew!: Bingo, that’s the real reason that the numbers have gone up – all the bullshit medically inaccurate “Save Yourself for Marriage and Jeebus” sex ed put out in the Bush Administration along with the Purity Ring pledges made the frequency of heterosexual anal sex (and gay butt seks) go way up, especially in the red states. There’s been studies on it, which I can’t go find at this instance.

Isn’t it less pleasant for women than it is for men, due to the lack of certain glands? I’ve always thought heterosexual anal intercourse a little one-sided.

@Tommmcatt Thinks Masturbation Can Also Involve The Mainstream Media: There are a lot of nerves in there. And that’s all I have to say on the matter.

No ifs, ands, or butts. Um…about me commenting further. Um. Yeah.

::sigh:: I take it up the butt issue with:

Women who were getting what they wanted were more likely to indulge their partners’ wishes. It wasn’t the anal sex that caused the orgasms. It was the orgasms that caused the anal sex.

Okay. Really. I’m done.

@Tommmcatt Thinks Masturbation Can Also Involve The Mainstream Media: This is really a strange turn of events, kind of a topsy turvy thing, but have you ever tried?

Speaking of virgins:

Celibabe importing teabaggers, as apparently she’s so popular in Delaware that nobody wants to campaign for her

I especially like the pleading for donations to send retirees – because apparently a Social Security check just doesn’t manage to cover antigovernment agitating. Now, who possibly could have indexed those payments to a base lower than real inflation….

@al2o3cr: If I were anywhere near there, I’d organize a “We’re All Bozos on This Bus Trip” to help her out.

Anybody have HBO and watching Maher tonight? Or do I have to wait for the recap to learn whether we get a last hurrah?

@nojo: No HBO here, hombre. Got the hamsters well-rested and hydrated just in case there’s a shout out?

@SanFranLefty: If it hits, we’ll crash. And then everyone will miss the latest Anal Sex news.

@nojo: Speaking of anal sex, what’s Rick Santorum up to these days?

@SanFranLefty: Sniffing up Iowan’s butts while thinking about running for President.

No, really. One of the things I ignored this week. Probably would have ignored it anyway.

@SanFranLefty: No shout-out, apparently. For that matter, no fresh O’Donnell clip.

@JNOV: I would never do anything to anyone that I wouldn’t let them do to me.

Thankfully it isn’t an issue with Mr. Catt.

@Tommmcatt: Wise man once say “to be a good top, you have to be a good bottom,” sabes?

Heard on ESPN Radio yesterday: “This is the time of year when guys have to trust their fast balls.”

Sport TJ/ The Brett Farve Dong story is picking up. He allegedly sent photos of his Crocs with something else in the way to a woman who worked with the NY Jets while he was on the team, which is owned by Woody Johnson.

@Tommmcatt Thinks Masturbation Can Also Involve The Mainstream Media: Good way to live your life in general. Here’s the thing: anal sex gone bad can scar you for a lifetime; anal sex gone good can bring out your inner Rick James for a lifetime. If at first you don’t succeed, wait a decade and try again…

@JNOV: I was trying to work up a joke with the Stanford Tree, USC Trojan and anal sex gone bad, but I think I’ll leave it at: “Go Tree!”

@Dodgerblue: As long as The Tree wears a condom…

@Dodgerblue and JNOV: Fear the Tree!

Sorry about Uklah’s spanking by Bezerkely, Dodger.

@SanFranLefty:@Dodgerblue: The Tree will show you the ins and outs! And you will like it!

I credit AC/DC with my first exposure to the triple entendre “backdoor” in Dirty Deeds. At twelve years old, I thought Bon meant he’d sneak in the backdoor of a house when he offered to be a “backdoor man.” I’m still convinced that’s what he meant. ;-)

Know what else? Ain’t no fun waiting round to be a millionaire.

@Dodgerblue: @SanFranLefty: Well, it’s not exactly full-on Tree buttsex, but it’s close.

@jnov and tree fans: Nice one for Harbaugh & Luck, Ltd. Missed it on account of hockee (CHI 2:3 DET, the fuckers).

@SanFranLefty: That’s OK, your boys broke the Trojans’ hearts with 0:00 on the clock. Way to go!

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