Beyond Preposterous

British Petroleum has released the final results of its thorough, no-stone-left-unturned investigation into the causes of the recent Gulf of Mexico oil spill, and has determined that the company was very much at fault… for believing that the subcontractors it hired were competent in their supposed area of expertise, that is! BP would like you to know that they are genuinely sorry for the unfortunate mess that Halliburton and Transocean caused in your pretty, oil-rich Gulf.
And to think that Halliburton and Transocean had such wonderful references and came so highly recommended! At any rate, BP is terribly embarrased by the whole thing and would like you to know that in the future it will double and triple vet the contractors that it employs, and truly hopes that you will not hold this unfortunate and –given the circumstances– wholly unavoidable tragedy against them. After all, something like this could have happened to any one of us, I think you’ll agree! Let bygones be bygones.


Halliburton and Transocean are among the best in the business for offshore oil and gas work, if not the best. I don’t think anyone is going to buy the crap that BP put out this morning, which refers to the disaster as a “well control event.”

Yeah, doesn’t help BP’s case that Halliburton specifically warned them not to do what they were asking them to do with that seal… even if Halliburton did report the operation a success after BP insisted they carry on with it.

“We were also disappointed to find that the cleaning lady stole from us. She came so well recommended. ”

Note: this has not happened to us. Tag as “Humor” and “Furthering the Joke.”

@redmanlaw: “We blame the crew for not landing the Airbus safely after the kevlar vertical stabilizer snapped off in wake turbulence from a 747.” Not funny note: this accident happened over Staten Island with disastrous results.

I think this sounds entirely reasonable. As everyone knows, you Yanks are given to unfortunate histrionics. Anyone fancy a spot of tea?

Victory (profit) has a billion fathers, but defeat (disaster) is an orphan

@Tony Blair Witch Project: In defending the Queen’s oil company, perhaps you have forgotten the reports that the resignation of former Chairman Lord Browne was hastened by gay-bashing by the idiotic Tony Hayward, who succeeded him.

Nuh-uh! You got Gulf of Mexico all over our oil!

Executive Summary: We’re rubber, you’re glue.

@Dodgerblue: Excuse me, but this is BP. Nothing to do with British anything, old sausage. As for outing Browne, like most disputes in the sceptered isle it boils down to chaps v poofs.

@Tony Blair Witch Project: What is the origin of the term “poofter,” so beloved of Monty Python?

@Capt Howdy: You hope you’ve got some tissues handy.

@Dodgerblue: From poof or, sometimes, poove. Don’t know if it’s rhyming slang and will now go look it up. Can’t find anything on origin. The rhyming term is ginger, as in “Lord Browne’s dead ginger,” From ginger beer = queer.

@Tony Blair Witch Project: I’ll never look at a container of ginger snaps the same way again.

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