Are You There, God? It’s Us, Humanity. Sorry We Fucked Up Your Creation.

Louisiana lawmakers propose prayer to stop oil disaster [CNN]

Oh great. What next? Flagellants?

Hey, who put that dark, gooey goodness beneath the Gulf seabed anyway? Yup, Him/Her/It/FSM. Maybe we weren’t supposed to get it–sort of like the Biblical apple. Ok, that makes the oil companies the serpent and a woman who says “Drill, baby, drill” the new Eve. Thanks for the modern original sin, you silly woman.

What transparent bullshit. Suddenly because of Joe Barton’s shameless stupidity the GOP is looking like the assholes in this whole affair. So what’s a craven and shameless theocratic party to do? Simple: proclaim some laughable bullshit day of prayer for a divine miracle in hopes that liberals will ridicule the absurd notion, thus allowing the GOP to turn the debate around again and re-frame the issue as one of liberals mocking God.

It’s sad and pathetic, really.

But go ahead tebaggers… pray for your deus ex machina. Once engineers finally manage to tightly seal the well you can claim your prayers were answered.

Oh come on folks. Sure she’s a maliciously stupid feeb but it’s the best that Sarah can be: Benign and annoying.

@ManchuCandidate: There is nothing benign about that harpy. She’s a malignant, malicious malfeasant.

@ManchuCandidate: The unspoken irony here is that she’s spent the past few weeks touting herself as an expert on dealing with oil companies and oil spills.

@Mistress Cynica:
I did say it was her best, not her normal state.

Graft sure, but petroleum injinearing?

Why does this all make me think of The Sound of Music?

(sings while skipping about the garden)

How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you..

Drawn a blank. Just like John McMartin in Follies in Me, I Like to Live.

Wait. You mean there are situations that not even musical theatre can cover? Not even the groundbreaking washing of the hair of Mary Martin 8 times a week? Not even the elastic inserts in the crotches of the jeans of the men in West Side Story? Not even the excavating under the stage of the Imperial to install the rising candelabra for Phantom and having to cap the spring that sprung? Surely that would teach them how? After all, it begins at the very beginning. A very good place to start –

When you speak you begin with A B C,
When you sing you begin with…

Oh God. We really are screwed.

Actually, this is SO BEST. If the collect call to Baby Jesus doesn’t go through, then He would have forsaken Sarah Palin in her hour of need.


@karen marie: So it’s totally Barry’s fault, then.

[In all seriousness — ((shudder))]

@karen marie: Unclear to me whether that means a relief well would be useless if all hell broke loose. But the Leaky Seabed worries have been public for awhile.

Still, “suck fixer device” is my new favorite term.

@chicago bureau: Doesn’t work that way. Prayer Failure is always caused by fags.

@nojo: Speaking as a Fag (HF airborne, 1st Limey Yanqui Bum Division) I have a question. If we need to pray to Miss God to stop the great spurting surge of thrusting oil boiling up from below till it bursts in a great fountain of pulsing throbbing spurts of sweet sticky goodness (with just a hint of salt. noje, amirite?) Why did He let it blow in the first place? Hmm?

@Benedick: Same answer. Something to do with raining frogs.

@karen marie: They have shifted from stopping or restricting the gusher to opening it up and catching it. This only makes sense if they want to relieve pressure at the leak hidden down below the seabed…..and that sort of leak is one of the most dangerous and potentially damaging kind of leak there could be.

Sounds like SarPal needs to call in the Promise Keepers, not just her prayer group.

@karen marie: There are blogosphere posts suggesting that Congress has been briefed on this. Sen. Nelson alluded to it in an interview with MSNBC. I’m no geologist, but it seems to me that, if the well bore blows, a relief well can’t work because the idea of a relief well is to intersect with an intact well bore and divert the oil flowing upwards. In that case, you just wait until the pressure of a mile of water overcomes the pressure of the oil in the reservoir. Only Jebus knows when that would be.

@ManchuCandidate: Its not benign, you see, once you declare it an act of God that only God can remit, then the “extreme greens” insisting on taking any and all action possible to remdiate, and demanding that BP pay for it, they are going against God. An “act of God” is something noone bears any responsibility for. This meme absolves BP of responsibility. And from there, its a short step to Pat Robertson territory, “the only way we can get God to call of his curse on us is to ban gay marriage, etc. etc.

@Nabisco: There is a bulletin board for people who are in the oil industry, or knowledgeable about it, that I have read a few times, directed there by links from the Democratic Undergrounds tards. They are doctrinaire, simple-minded tards, but there are so many of them, they sweep in a lot of information.

From what I have read there, people in the know in the oil drilling biz have all known that nothing will ever work, except for relief wells, and as we know, they take maybe 4 months to drill. From what I have read, everything that has been done and is being done, is just window dressing to create the illusion they are trying to stop it fast, but the fact is, they all know, they won’t have a hope of stopping it until the relief wells can intersect the well. The last I read, the relief wells are down to 10,000 feet, but need to get to 15,000 feet to intersect the well with a hope of success, and they progress at something between 100 and 200 feet per day. At 100 feet per day, its gonna take 50 days more.

I get the impression they just don’t want to be honest and tell the public, “hey, its gonna spew 60,000 barrels a day until September, at the earliest.” This cap thing isn’t doing shit, its pure PR, skimming, what, 15,000 barrels a day, out of what they are admitting is 60,000 barrels a day coming out, and is probably more like 100,000 barrels a day.

This is a coverup, and Obama seems to be complicit in it, and as everyone knows, its the coverup that kills you.

Why else would BP just roll over at simply being asked for $20 billion, if not that they know, absoluteley know for a fact, that the reality is going to be far far worse than $20 billion?

@Promnight: Why else would BP just roll over at simply being asked for $20 billion, if not that they know, absoluteley know for a fact, that the reality is going to be far far worse than $20 billion?

That’s why Tony could go sailing. Chump change downpayment to protect against future damages. Hopey may have thought he was buying political capital. Now I’m Mopey, again.

I want to push Talibunny through the top of a pit toilet and keep her there until the shit and piss eats through her skin.

@Nabisco: We’re grown ups, Mr. Bisco, you and I, we know, business people, they judge always and only, on dollars. No business coughs up $20 billion without dragging it out into a 10 year lawsuit, unless they know that $20 billion is a major bargain, that they are getting away with murder by accepting the deal.

Yup, I am convinced Obama knows this too, and is completely complicit with BP in obfuscating the volume of the eruption, its not a leak, or a spill, its an oil, natural gas, and methane eruption, and BP has been doing everything possible to lowball the volume, and wouldn’t you think the EPA would have taken total control of the assessment of the volume, and of the assessment of the damage on shore, but no, everything we read says that BP has been given total control of both assessment of the volume of the eruption, and of the cleanup, the press is banned from even flying over the spill area to take pictures of the slicks, and from visiting the cleanup areas, Obama is allowing BP to use contractor thugs to shut down media coverage.

You have reason to be mopey, this disaster is the greatest sign I have ever seen, that our government no longer has either the ability, or the will, to exert sovereign power over major multinational corporations.

Obama ceded control of the financial system to Goldman Sachs, and is ceding control over this environmental diasaster to BP.

This is the definition of fascism, the government as a tool of the corporations, our tax payments, the corporations view them as revenue, to clean up their externalities, it happened with the financial industry, and is happening now with this disaster.

@FlyingChainSaw: I am an anger bear like you, and I want to see, well, the gibbets hanging with the rotting bodies of the people who are, have, made fascism a reality here in the US. FCS, I wish I could meet you. I want to know, how do you go on? I am in despair, really, I am, I am in despair. Our political debate now is between those who would give the corporations fascist control over the country, and would outlaw abortion and gay marriage, and those who would allow the corporations fascist control over the country, and allow abortions and gay marriage. Either way, the fascists win.

From the little known of the mystery that is you, FCS, you are not a sad angry liberal in a basement, you are a person of some achievement and consequence, you work in this big world of international business and politics.

How do you stay sane? I can’t stay sane. I’m losing it.

@Nabisco: The $20 billion — over 4 years — is just a ploy to buy time while BP management sucks all the value out of the company. If Obama or Salazar or whoever the dufus is they put in at MMS were honest, they’d tell the people in the Gulf that they’re totally fucked and there’s nothing anybody can do about it until maybe Thanksgiving, if then.

@All: Anyone protesting off-shore oil drilling this weekend? Here’s a link to Hands Across the Sand. Looks like only Nebraska and North Dakota (and some islands that hate us) aren’t organizing protests. So far I’ve recruited Jr and one of my brothers. Have camera — will travel.

I don’t want to play in this sandbox anymore. I mean, the sandbox of our US Amurrican culture and politics. They’re both diving for the bottom.

@Promnight: Totally quantitative risk assessment. Disgusting. The worth of all living things is reduced to $$$$$$.

@Promnight: Yes. And now we can’t even escape on the ark.

@JNOV: Hovercraft. Or enlist Costner to retrofit his gadgets to feed our motors from the separated oils.

Fuck, this oil thing is a constant angst and rage thing in my life. Its bringing me down, down, down. Every day, it just keeps on happening, day after day, it just keeps on being what it is, the fucking worst fucking disaster, and its in slow motion, we all get to stare at it as it happens, and continues to happen, and it keeps going on, being the worst motherfucking disaster, and it just keeps on giving, giving the anger and sorrow and fucking helpless feeling that makes you know, really, makes you see, the people are shit, the living things of the earth are shit, our fascist internatinal government, they totally control and govern, everything, there is no such thing as a nation-state anymore, and, because we here in the US were the cradle of out-of-control multinational capitolism, we are the first complere victim of it, the nation that created and empowered these corporate Nations, is of course the first to be completely co-opted and overrun, controlled utterly, by our own creation.

@Promnight: I’m reading Douglas Brinkley’s Wheels for the World right now. It is rather odd timing, given that the Everyman Car that Henry Ford developed then perfected led to and was fueled by this addiction to oil. But his “vision” was actually that the simple motor device would free man up so that we could return to a more pastoral life, Ford tractors are what saved the company numerous times from losing out during the Depression, WWII and even post-war when Chevy began its run.

But Henry Ford also had a secret. He was growing odd things on agricultural plots around the country, even the globe, and testing all of them as possible sources of organic, renewable fuel. He considered Thomas Edison and George Washington Carver his best friends (but Charles Lindburgh as well, so clearly he was no saint). If it hadn’t been for the well-timed boom of Standard Oil with the rise of the Model T, we might all be driving our peanut-oil fueled Model Z_2010’s to the Gulf Coast for a lazy swim in the pristine waters.

@Nabisco: And what about the Amazon rubber plantation?

@nojo: Wait, are you saying Amazons are trannies? Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

@Nabisco: That explains the earlier conversation. One falsie.

@nojo: Ya beat me in the tussle over most-obscure-comment, dude.

Oh, but I rediscovered the joys of Medium Large!

I’m burying grandma tomorrow. No ability or time to post soccer hotties so enjoy the break str8 boys. Oil spill makes me want to slit my wrists or break the necks of BP CEOs.

Catch up with you all in a while.

@SanFranLefty: Regrets and sympathies, Lefty. Travel well.

@SanFranLefty: Oh, Lefty. All words of condolence are unable to express how I’m feeling — sad, empathetic, impotent. I wish I could *do* something to make it all better, but I know I can’t. I love you.

@SanFranLefty: Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

@SanFranLefty: I am so sorry about your grandmother. From things you’ve written here, I think she may have been to you what my maternal grandmother was to me, in effect, my real true mother. Whether I’ve understood that aright or not isn’t important. That you are mourning is. May the condolences expressed to you help ease the pain.

@lynnlightfoot: Not me, must be another Stinquer you’re thinking of.

@all: Thanks. She died two weeks ago after a very long (almost 10 years) battle with Alzheimer’s and other problems, so I’ve long ago grieved her. What’s making me batty is dealing with various family dramas that have arisen in the past two weeks. Losing a favorite aunt on the other side of the family within a few days of my grandma was tougher. As I feared/budgeted/anticipated a few months ago, my vacation days and summer travel budget will be spent traveling to funerals.

Did anyone see the hot Chilean player who scored a goal this morning?

@SanFranLefty: I just saw this. So sorry, Lefty. My condolences.

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