Ben Nelson Joins the Oligarchs Club

Fucking ATMs! How do they work?

Lawmakers walk past that ATM all the time on their way to votes on the Senate floor, but don’t expect to see Sen. Ben Nelson stopping to grab some quick cash.

The Nebraska Democrat pleaded ignorance when asked this week whether Congress should cap ATM fees. Nelson said that while he’s no fan of unnecessary fees, he’s unfamiliar with the charges.

“I’ve never used an ATM, so I don’t know what the fees are,” Nelson said, adding that he gets his cash from bank tellers, just not automatic ones. “It’s true, I don’t know how to use one.”

Yes, we know, Obama swore the other day that he’s never touched an iPod. But take away his Crackberry and watch him cry.

ATMs a mystery to senator [Omaha World-Herald, via Think Progress]

maybe they could use some synthetic DNA since theirs seems to be fraying:

Scientists in the US have succeeded in developing the first synthetic living cell.

The researchers constructed a bacterium’s “genetic software” and transplanted it into a host cell.

The resulting microbe then looked and behaved like the species “dictated” by the synthetic DNA.

The advance, published in Science, has been hailed as a scientific landmark, but critics say there are dangers posed by synthetic organisms.

critics say there are dangers posed by synthetic organisms. That explains the Fox News Blondes.


come on
they are only partly sythetic

This asshole is responsible for setting financial policy for the US??

Upping the dosage on the Bombay Blue Sapphire IV drip will make it alllll betteeeer.

You left out the best part, NOJO:

“I’ve never used an ATM, so I don’t know what the fees are,” Nelson said, adding that he gets his cash from bank tellers, just not automatic ones. “It’s true, I don’t know how to use one.

“But I could learn how to do it just like I’ve . . . I swipe to get my own gas, buy groceries. I know about the holograms.”

By “holograms,” Nelson clarified that he meant the bar codes on products read by automatic scanners in the checkout lanes at stores such as Lowe’s and Menard’s.

I want to print T-shirts that read: “I know about the holograms.”

@Serolf Divad:

“The holograms? Sure, they come outta the tubes,” Nelson added.

@Serolf Divad: Good call. I left that out because I thought it was a Mitigating Circumstance (Nelson knows about something!) and undermined my unfair viciousness. But upon reflection, it’s even better.

@Original Andrew: Those holograms are great for stuffing with marshmellows for the kids.

@Capt Howdy: Grey Goo for Senate!

No, OA, not Grey Goose. Down, boy! Down!

@Serolf Divad: Methinks the maid is buying the milk for the Nelson household.

@Serolf Divad: Oh, you left out the rest, too, where it gets better. Seems the cluelessness is widespread in the Nebraska Congressional delegation:

Sen. Mike Johanns, R-Neb., who said he has used ATMs five or fewer times in his life, likened the Harkin proposal to government price controls — and he opposes it.

And Nelson’s not a complete idiot! He can print out his boarding pass all by himself!

“I go and get my own seating assignment on an airplane,” Nelson said. “I mean, I’m not without some skills. I just haven’t had the need to use an ATM.”

I know that politicians can’t help the verbal diarrhea, but between these two and Rand Paul, I am reminded of my grandfather saying “it’s far better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and confirm it,” or, as I would put it: Stop.Talking.Stop.STOP!!

@Serolf Divad: Did you see that Lars Ulrich was an Elf fan?

Plus, Grassley thinks ATMs dispense cash advances on credit cards. And weren’t several SCOTUS judges recently baffled by how text messages work? SOO glad these are the leaders making fiscal and privacy decisions for USAmerica. Head: desk

@SanFranLefty: In fairness to the good Senator, I avoided ATMs for a few years myself. Finally gave in, though. In 1989, I think.

My grandmother, by comparison, is 89 and has been using ATMs since their introduction in the early 1980s.

Mary-Belle for the US Senate in 2010!

He should get together with Rod Blagojavich. The other “celebrities” on the Celebrity Apprentice (yeah, so? I like Cyndi Lauper, so sue me.) for not being able to turn on a computer or type.

@flippin eck: They don’t? What’s the PIN for if not for cash advances at ATMs?

@flippin eck: Yes, our tech-savvy Supreme Court; which includes the relatively young (and recent partner at a law firm so WTF) Chief Justice John Roberts asking an attorney “What’s the difference between an email and a pager?,” Justice Kennedy asking if a person in the act of sending a text could receive a different text simultaneously, and Scalia unable to understand that texts and emails and telephone calls are routed through a service provider.*

I’m impressed by the poker face the attorney must have had to keep in order to not crack up.

*ADD: And Scalia asking in regard to salacious text messages, “Could Quon print these spicy little conversations and send them to his buddies?” All I could imagine was him and Justice Thomas sharing porn with each other.


I love my grandmother’s name, for it suits her perfectly.

@SanFranLefty: You know Thomas’s pubes-in-the-Coke type comments are alive and well in some SCOTUS texting spree!

@flippin eck: @TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Do you mean that’s all Grassley thinks ATMs do? Because I have taken cash advances (when in Europe and desperate) from ATMs, though the fees will slay you.

@Mistress Cynica: Here’s his exact quote:

Sen. Chuck Grassley, R-Iowa, said he hadn’t thoroughly reviewed the proposal. Asked outside the Senate chamber whether he uses an ATM card, he said, “I’ve got a credit card, but I don’t use it for cash.”

@Mistress Cynica: @flippin eck: I think he’s on safe ground with that quote. He either means to say he doesn’t have a debit card and uses his credit card for purchases only or he has a debit card that he doesn’t use at ATMs. I’m willing to give him a pass on this one because there are plenty of people out there who think their debit card is a credit card because it has a Visa logo on it. This probably isn’t “Series of Tubes” level idiocy.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: You’re way too charitable. I don’t think he understands what an ATM or debit card is, and that’s indefensible.
Maybe we could explain it to Chuck this way: “ATM cards are like lobbyists for those who aren’t members of Congress.”

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